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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Co-sleeping and day time naps - how do you do it?

24 replies

zambooloo · 17/02/2012 16:19

I'm co-sleeping with my 7week old dd. She is very clingy and hated sleeping anywhere but with me. I love co-sleeping but I'm not sure what I can do about her naps. She only naps on me, in car or in pram on walks - how do you manage naps if you co-sleep?

She won't sleep in a moses basket and if she falls asleep on me and I move her to bouncy chair etc. she cries almost instantly. We have just got a swinging chair where she has fallen asleep once but only for about 15mins.

Any tips?

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toofattorun · 17/02/2012 16:59

Well that's a start. If you ask me, you're making a rod for your own back if you teach her that when she sleeps, it should always be with you. I know it is fabulous to cuddle up to you precious little one, but you might want to think about letting her sleep in your room, but in a cot.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 17/02/2012 17:01

I nap with the baby and MN I'm always knackered after BF all night, so a nap is very welcome.

Get a sling, and remember nap time is NOT for cleaning :-)

rowanrowow · 17/02/2012 17:11

Oh I have the same thing with my 7 week old baby boy. I am afraid I just let him nap on me which is not ideal as I have a 4 yr old DS1. If I put him down though he just works himself up and will never drop off so it seems the easiest way. DS1 was the same which honestly never bothered me, I loved the cuddles and snuggled up watching TV with him but I must admit this time I do feel like I could do with some hands free time to concentrate on DS1 especially since it's been half term this week so he's been off school. Today I have barely moved off the sofa :-(

In my opinion it's not about making rods for backs etc it's just about survival and doing what works. In my experience from DS1 everything is temporary and a phase which changes so quickly although you don't realise it. I used to have to let him nap on me, then I could bounce him in the bouncer chair with my foot, then had to rock him to music then he'd nap on me again and eventually just settled himself for a nap on the sofa next to me around 16 months old but there were many phases and changes. Try not to stress too much. Also a sling is good to let them sleep in. x

Original poster

zambooloo · 17/02/2012 17:13

toofattorun: so what would you do if every time you put your baby down to sleep she cried and cried?

OP posts:

rowanrowow · 17/02/2012 17:17

exactly what I was thinking zambooloo! I would love for my ds to settle himself in a moses basket but I know it's very unusual for babies to do that! DS1 was over a year old before he went to sleep on his own in his own bed.

flagnogbagnog · 17/02/2012 17:22

This is a difficult one isn't it? I co slept with my ds until a few months ago, he is 17 months and mostly sleeps in a cot now. When he was a younger baby I would put him down for naps in our bed. I would put him right in the middle and put a pillow on either side just incase he decided to roll before i knew he could. Sometimes I would feed him to sleep, sometimes I would just put him down when I knew he was tired. He would cry for 5-10 minutes but then go off to sleep on his own. The crying got less and eventually stopped. When he got a bit older and started to move around of his own accord I would put him for a nap in his pushchair. He still has his nap in this now.

Original poster

zambooloo · 17/02/2012 17:25

thanks for your posts rowanrowow - I am loving the cuddles, I do have a sling which is v useful when housework needs doing. Are you co-sleeping?

OP posts:

Quenelle · 17/02/2012 17:28

Put a DVD on, make a cup of tea and a sandwich and get comfy. It sounds unhelpful I know but it won't last forever so make the most of it.

rowanrowow · 17/02/2012 17:33

yes we co sleep. Have to say its not through choice really. I don't sleep well at all with him there but there's just no way hell sleep anywhere else and I can't leave him to cry- plus he wakes every 2 hours for feeds so no point in spending ages getting him to settle back down after a feed. They are so tiny it'll all change and sort itself out eventually.

YuleingFanjo · 17/02/2012 17:36

I let my baby sleep on me for weeks and weeks then as he got a bit older he got used to being left (on my bed) to sleep alone. I think at around 16 weeks I found he started sleeping for longer so I could leave him and get on with stuff. My advice is just go with it and it will all sort itself out in time if you keep trying to put your baby down until they get used to it.

It's no rod for my back.

Original poster

zambooloo · 17/02/2012 17:39

Ours wasn't through choice either but I'm kind of growing to like it now. I couldn't stand the crying and the sleep deprivation just got too much! Are you breast feeding?

OP posts:

rowanrowow · 17/02/2012 17:56

Yes I am, well he has a bottle of formula in the mornings so dh can give him it before work while I get ds1 breakfast etc. I tried to express but couldn't get on with it at all not sure why but it didnt seem to work at all and I could only express about an ounce at a time! Are you breastfeeding? Glad you are coming to enjoy the cosleeping. I think eventually youll enjoy the nap situation if this is your first baby. I miss DS1's sleepy head on me now and dont minds DS2 it's just not convenient when you have an older child to look after and entertain. I am afraid my TV is being abused at the moment and Cbeebies is my new best friend which I hate!

QueenKong · 17/02/2012 18:06

Hi OP. I'm bf and co-sleeping with my 8mo - he wants his mum all the time! To be honest, I've just accepted that his nap time is my nap time and I lie down with him and MN or read. I went through a stage of doing PUPD to get him to nap in his cot. It worked, but took hours so I've given up and gone back to napping too! I only have one DC so this is easy for me, can understand how those with toddlers too might struggle. Like you, I was quickly forced into the world of co-sleeping with DS laughed at my Gina F plans! But now I've accepted it I love it. Can I recommend 'Three in a Bed' by Debra Jackson if you'd like a bit of reassurance re co-sleeping?

Interestingly, he fell asleep on DH twice last weekend, so maybe he's getting better...

toofattorun · 17/02/2012 22:32

Can't you sit with her until she falls asleep then put her in a cot? I am only thinking of you getting some time to yourself for a few moments. I am in no way saying you shouldn't co-sleep and apologies if it sounded like that in my first post.

Original poster

zambooloo · 17/02/2012 22:43

The trouble is she wakes up as soon as I put her down even if she is in a really deep sleep. I wait until she has gone completely floppy then SO gently I move her into cot/ bouncy chair/ moses basket and she is always awake and screaming within 5-10 mins! V tricky. Sorry toofattorun, I guess I'm just finding it all a bit wearing at times!

OP posts:

redridingwolf · 17/02/2012 22:50

she is still very young. i would let her sleep on you until she is older. with my older two, i started getting them to sleep in a cot for daytime naps at around 7 months. with dc3 she is 8 months and i haven't begun yet (too knackered...) i can put her down in the middle of of our bed with pillows around her, but will have to stop that soon when she starts crawling. i will start doing the cot thing soon and accept that to begin wtih she will wake up straight away, but eventually get used to it. wouldn't do it with one as young as yours though.

Hattie11 · 17/02/2012 22:57

zambooloo you could gently start teaching her to sleep alone. Don't wait until she's asleep on you, swaddle her and lay her in her moses basket and gently pat/rock or shush her to sleep. That way she learns to go off without the warmth of your body as thats whats waking her up when you move her.

I co-slept unintentially with dd1 and she breastfed all through the night until 2 and then it took until 4 years to get her in her own bed. yes i loved the cuddles but it wasn't always practical. The following 3 i've had it would be impossible to co-sleep as you need to be able to give time to the others. So gently encouraging them to sleep alone makes life a lot easier further down the line!

Hattie11 · 17/02/2012 22:58

Meant to say - once i have established a good routine where they can be laid in their cot and fall asleep alone, then i do sneak the odd naps with them cuddling and it doesn't rouine their ability to asleep alone at other time.

BertieBotts · 17/02/2012 23:06

At 7 weeks I tended to let him fall asleep wherever he was, whether that was in a bouncy chair, on me, in sling/car seat/pushchair, or on the sofa/bed next to me and leave him (but being around) until he woke up. And, yes, I often used to nap with him too :)

I think I was just lucky though, he's always seemed to just sleep when he was tired, even if those tired times were not the ones I would choose, he always got enough. If she is very unsettled when away from you would she sleep in a sling? I wouldn't worry about bad habits. Things change so often and I didn't find it a problem to transfer DS to a bed when I felt he - and I! - were ready.

PassMeTheHobnobs · 17/02/2012 23:17

I never intentionally co-slept with my DS, but he went through a stage from about 8 weeks through to about 16 weeks where he would only sleep on me or DH at night and did exactly the same thing you're describing when put down. It didn't matter how floppy he was, he was wide awake the second you put him down. Have you ruled out the possibility of reflux? This could cause a problem with your DD settling on her back. DS started with that and colic at around the time he stopped sleeping in his basket.

We eventually got DS to settle laying on his side in a moses basket (with a rolled blanket behind to stop him rolling over) and with the basket tilted. Might be worth a try? DS also loved to bury his head into the side of his basket. You could try keeping your hands on her stomach for a while when putting her down (apparently it's the pressure on their front that they notice is missing) too.

We just kept trying different things with DS but he definitely led the way - if he wanted to sleep on us, and wouldn't settle any other way, we let him. Definitely not made a rod for our own backs - DS is 6 months now and he sleeps the whole night (10-12 hours) in his own cot now (on his tummy with a breathing monitor, just in case i'm a paranoid mother) He still sleeps on us or in pram for naps, but I use that as my walking / rest time.

It is exhausting when you aren't sleeping - but it gets better.

I'd also add that HV said that until around 3 months they don't really make the association that when you do x, y happens (eg, they're not learning not to sleep in a basket / cot by you allowing them to nap on you, if that makes sense) and they're just trying to comfort themselves and get used to the world!

smellsofsick · 17/02/2012 23:26

Hi my DD was exactly the same at that age and we just went for lots of walks/drives until we managed to persuade her the Moses basket was her friend with the help of a rolled up towel and my pajama top.

What didn't help was people telling me it was a rod for my own back. As a not-very-confident first time mum I just needed a bit of time and a plan!

When she got to about 15 weeks I let her try some self settling and we got there. It then took me till 10 months to get her out of the basket and now at 14 mo she's fine in her cot

What I would say is perhaps try to put her down for a few mins every day and I'm sure she'll gradually learn to sleep. No-one tells you but some babies need to learn to sleep but at 7 weeks she's tiny and I'm sure she'll get there, little bit at a time.

Silverfoxxx · 20/02/2012 21:07

Hi, my baby is 7 months old and he has just settled himself in his cot (and not on us) for the first time tonight with the aid of a slumber bear which plays womb sounds and classical music (£25 amazon).

It's our fault he was tiny when born so we let him fall asleep on us, then we would put him in the moses basket with womb music (we took the attachment out of the bear and hung it on the inside of the crib and everytime he stirred it would play and he would go back to sleep). He has been able to sleep from 9-7 from 3 months but he would always fall asleep on us first. I know it's not good for him but it's been so nice having him fall asleep on me. Good luck.

smearedinfood · 20/02/2012 21:11

My DS is 18 months. He wouldn't nap on his own til he started crawling. I tried I really did but the survival instinct was too strong. Get the remote and put your feet up. It's not forever.

Sparklyboots · 20/02/2012 23:10

My DS is 13mo and we bf/ co-sleep. At nap time, I feed him to sleep in the bed but lying alongside him rather than with him on me, then I roll away when he is sleeping (or stay for a nap myself). I recall it took a while for us to work out lying side by side for feeding, but it's now the most comfortable position, especially as he gets taller/ heavier. You can do a sort of stealthy roll thing, and a version of PUPD which is more like, roll-in-roll-out as the baby gets used to it - basically, roll away VERY carefully and be prepared to roll right back in the instant she seems disturbed, let her resettle, repeat. At some point, she'll probably get used to sleeping without you and won't mind if she feels you sneak off.

Definitely recommend a sling - he does best in a wrap because they are the most giving and comfortable, but he can sleep in a soft-structured carrier. Do enjoy co-sleeping, it's lovely

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