Help! ADHD ODD or am I just a truly Wicked Stepmother?

[MrsInaPickle]

I have just spent four days with my stepdaughter who is 5.

I have known her since she was 1 1/2 and she has always been pretty full on and never been a good sleeper but over the last couple of years has developed the following:

1. Constantly contradicts what you say

1. Never stops moving, fidgets, wriggles, won't sit at the table for any length of time. She doesn't walk, she runs, jumps, hangs, pulls, drags etc.

1. Never stops talking (in a very loud voice - we are constantly asking her to turn the volume down and I can't tell you the number of times we have been out and the one voice you can hear above all others is hers)

1. Interupts conversations all the time, every one and then has a tantrum if she is told to wait or that it is a conversation for grown ups that she doesn't need to know about.

1. Everything is done at top speed and at maximum force - doors flung open and slammed, items snatched etc.

1. Doesn't listen, you have to ask her things 6 times becoming increasingly annoyed until you end up shouting (yes we have had her ears tested - never mind the Dr.'s all clear she can hear a sweetie wrapper from 500 yards!)

1. Mindlessly breaks things for no good reason

1. Won't play with other children unless they will play what she wants to play (at a recent staff meeting her proud father was told she was more like a classroom assistant - I can't help but feel this might have meant she was not playing with her classmates - not good surely?)

1. Hits other children and thinks it is funny. Kicks and bites (although this does seem to be getting better recently)

10. Is incredibly volatile, the smallest thing can send her off into a frenzy of rage.

11. Has no patience to try and learn to read and gets angry and frustrated.

12. Can't wait for things and wants instant results for everything.

However, having said this she will read books for a while - but consumes huge piles of them just looking at the pictures. The one thing that absolutely will fixate her is the television - she goes into a kind of trance and you can only get her attention by turning it off or standing between her and it and making a sharp noise like clapping your hands.

I seriously think she has ADHD but don't really know what this means or how severe it is but I think it is beginning to get her into trouble at school and would like to know as it might save my sanity and help me deal with her as I am beginning to lose the plot!!

She sounds like a typical five yr old

Do you like her ?

Asperger's? ADHD? Maybe - you should be discussing this, and strategies for helping your DSD with your DH and ex.

pretty much everything you describe is my dd age 5. i dont think there is anything wrong with her just typical 5 year old behaviour

Sounds like normal 5 year old behaviour. I'm sure you're not a wicked stepmum though.

my little sister was like this, do you notice a change in her behaviour after certain kinds of food?

I'm not sure I would say all those things were typical five year old behaviour. Not unheard of behaviours in that age but it does sound quite full on.

Sounds like a 5-year old who's maybe starting to become aware she has 2 families and is finding this hard, maybe testing boundaries?

I recently raised a very similar thread: here

I was convinced that my son had ODD, but then I think he is just trying to push boundaries. I found that ignoring bad behaviour and confrontation and lots of cuddles and "approval" that he is going to be loved in any case, works the best. My "ODD" child has turned into normal after I changed my approached. Nagging does not work. Try to cuddle her and reassure that she is loved.

Does she live with you full time?

Why are people so keen to blame ADHD for every kid that doesn't sit quietly all day? I don't mean this to sound horrible but at the moment I have someone i know claiming she thinks her DC had ADHD. In reality she has never bothered to instil any boundaries and happily ignore him while he runs wild. Now that he's getting bigger it's staring to bother her. But if that's how he's been raised how can you blame ADHD?!

That's my rant over sorry. Everything you said sounds pretty average for a 5 year old I would think?

Everything sounds normal for a 5yo every now and again, but not if it is a constant theme. It doesn't sound like ADHD or ODD, but does have some indicators of Aspergers, but the problem is that you can't find out whether that is the case over the internet.

Aspergers is very much about social communication. Its not uncommon for them to find it easy to talk to adults, but hard to communicate with children. There are auditory processing indicators in that you can ask them to do something, but it takes a while before they do or they seem lost in their own world and a lot of the other things you are are describing fits in with the profile.

My advice is, if both you and your DH have concerns and also if her mum has concerns is to go to the GP and ask for a referral for an assessment with a paed or clinical psychologist. Whoever goes to the GP will need a full list of everyone's concerns and specific examples can help too.

If there isn't a problem then they will let you know, but at least that way you know.

Out of interest there are somethings that you can try in the mean time. Children with Aspergers can't cope well with change or sudden change and planning and preparing them for the week ahead can help a lot, as can Social Stories.

I am not saying it is that, but if you all have concerns then you may as well get it checked out one way or another.