15month old has never slept thorugh night

[hopingtowantasecond]

I know this is a subject that has been debated to death! However, I'm still struggling so would appreciaite your help mums!

My now 15 month old son has never slept through. At times he has needed very little intervention at night on one or two occassions but currently wakes once or twice per night and it can take anything up to two hours to settle him.

I became desperate after a really difficult spell and did some controlled crying (I have never been a fan of this idea and yes rightly or wrongly I have from birth attended to my son when he is upset day and night). It actually wasn't too bad and there was some change (slight improvement) but only for a few days. So I decided this method was rubbish as it didn't have the long lasting effect I had hoped.

Currently I would say the waking once or twice and taking up to two hours to settle has been going on for 5 months. If dad goes in at night, baby screams alot and I find that unbearable and as I'm awake anyone feel I may as well take over as at least baby stops screaming. Generally if I pick up baby he will stop crying but as I said won't necesarily go back to sleep and if put back down may or may not cry again.

Now then, I put him to bed awake and he does not cry and gets himself off to sleep just fine. I don't have a complex night routine, but we do have a routine. E.g. Dinner, busy play, wash and change (which may or may not include a bath). bed clothes and sleeping bag on. Quiet time, milk and in to bed.

I'm open to constructive criticism. Please help .... desperately in need of sleep.

Other people will probably give better advice... But I would just go with the flow...

I think there is so much pressure to get them to sleep through - they'll do it when they're ready. I just take ds to our bed and go back to sleep (don't bother trying to get him back in his own bed). Could you try this? If ds really, really won't sleep, I don't even try - it is better for my frame of mind that trying and failing to get him to sleep!

DS1 suddenly started sleeping through of his own accord by about 2 (and has been brilliant ever since). Ds2 has started sleeping better by himself.

If you want practical advice, someone else will be along!

Does he sleep much in the day? I wonder if he could be over tired by bedtime? I bet you're cross eyed with fatigue. When DS1 was like this I got some homoeopathic stuff called Serenite Jnr which seemed to help most of the time. What about giving him something like Weetabix before he goes to bed?

Hope you get sorted soon!

Thanks. It's good to hear that babies can just spontaneously change and start sleeping through, because I guess my instincts tell me I should do whatever I feel helps to comfort him and eventually he will sleep of his own accord, but I battle with all the info around that says I'm damaging DS by not allowing him to self sooth etc. However as I said he goes to sleep beautifully at bedtime, and sometimes he does sleep OK so I know he has the ability to self sooth. When DS was born I was anxious about having him in bed with me because of cot death advice and now he goes crazy if I put him in bed. I think he's just got used to me holding and nursing him. It's one of my biggest regrets. I would happily have him in bed with me if he'd settle there. He generally has one sleep in the day (about 1.5 hours long) at lunch time. He often tries not to sleep in the day, but definately needs it. Do you think overtiredness can cause night waking, because I thought it would just effect getting off to sleep but as I said he goes to sleep fabulously. And in fact he always has right from day one. All in all his sleep habits don't appear to have altered that much during his 15months. I haven't heard of the homeopathic stuff you mention, I shall look into it.

Any other thoughts?

Overtiredness can definitely cause night time waking. It did with dd at this age after months of sleeping through. Make sure his nap is well after lunch eg one or later.

No 3 child is almost two and now has just started sleeping through, but not every night. Strangely he is sleeping longer too, not up at 5.30 like he was doing. We changed nothing and he just did it.

You have my sympathies, I'm just coming out the end of six and a half years of sleepless nights.....

twins - generally sleep 7-7 but it was tough training.
I did the cry it out method - DD would go on for over an hr sometimes and boy could she scream!!!
Then we cracked it - after about two weeks - a few days is not enough.
Then DD took a step back when we moved them to their own room - she cried it out for 4 weeks!!! (it didnt always last an hr by the way, sometimes just 1/2 before she slept then no waking)
Think about whether anything instigated the change altho you say it has been 5 months now it is tricky to think back.
Teeth will always throw a spanner in the works. They are 20 months now. DD last few weeks has been waking and screaming (too old for cry it out now) so i give her some milk when in the cot and she ind takes it and goes back off. ( i put it down to a growth spurt). Please do not think you have caused this by too much attention - i seriously doubt it. think about any changes to routines or just house atmosphere etc or his day in general to see if something has triggered this. Then I would say try cry it out but do it to the book!!!! (which is actaully tricky to do). Do you have a mobile with lights etc to put on?

whatever 'method' you choose you really should stick to it for at least two weeks for it to be lasting.

As with all kids at all ages they will chance it again.

I have a mobile with lights and DS generally loves lights, but at night it seems nothing will do but me. He also has a blanket that is comforting but again doesn't seem to replace me. I find it hard to think of hearing DS cry for two weeks, but I understand that I probably haven't put the mileage into a change in method.
I do wonder if day time naps are a problem. The best DS ever slept was at 7 - 9 months when we seemd to have a wonderful daytime nap routine and then fairly OK nights. AT 9 months he started fighting any sleep in the day and his naps were hit and miss.
The other thing I wonder about is whether me being a work is a problem. I work two days at the moment and dh has him on those days. This work plan has been going for the last 5 months and I noticed when dh was away for a few days and it was just me and ds at home he slept better!
feelinghappynow - 6.5 years! Ah! I am just pregnant with number two and desperately hope the next turns out to be one of these angelic sleepers!

I got it off Amazon. It's about £20 but will last along time! and I used it for about 3 nights in a row til his sleep was back on track I don't like using anything for more that a few days. I remember a friend of mine saying she used to give all her kids Calpol every night so they'd sleep! Crazy woman.

My DS didn't until 17mo. Yours will get there...

Hoping

I feel your pain. At 16mo, my son was still bf every three hours in the night. He had never even come close to sleeping through. He had to be bf to sleep every time and wouldn't let his father touch him at night. It drove me to the edge of sanity.

Now at 18mo, he does not necessarily sleep without waking all night but can be shhhhd back to sleep easily.

I did it like this:

1. I put DS to bed at 8pm with a bf. Then I bf at 11pm or thereabouts when he woke up. Then I went to bed and shut the door. DH shared a room with DS and comforted him through any wakings. DS was furious for the first two nights - there wasn't much sleeping. But he got better and better over the period of a week.
2. Once DS was used to sometimes being settled by his dad, I went out one evening and noticed that DS slept through his 11pm feed. So I gave it up. DH continued to sleep near or with DS so that he was the primary night carer.
3. At this point, we were lucky enough to go away for a week. We ran DS ragged by letting him scoot about all day, kept him up late and eating loads. He was knackered every night and DH stuck him on his shoulder and after a few complaints, he was asleep.
4. DH continued putting DS to bed when we got home. By this point, DS had stopped waking so much and could be settled much easier.
5. After another couple of weeks, I started sharing duties of putting DS to bed. I used the same technique as DH - lying beside him and cuddling him and to my amazement, he would go to sleep.

Anyway, I am not quite sure why this all worked. I think it was a combo for me of him: realising there were no feeds to wake up for combined with him being tired out; and being happier with his dad caring for him at night. (My DH had to do a lot of legwork for this to work and be very tired.)

But now DS sleeps so so so well (aside from a few grumbles) that you would never have believed that two months ago I was the person posting on MN about him making himself sick with fury if his dad even picked him up at night instead of me.

I know all babies are different but this all happened with no tears except a couple of nights at the start when he was being cuddled all the time by his dad. It never involved controlled crying or any disciplined routine, so it is possible.

Thanks everyone. My Dh really thinks I should leave ds to cry but I just can't bring myself to it. When I did try controlled crying for a few days, ds actually only cried for a few minutes. I know I would have given in if he kept crying and I was completely frustrated and exhausted and felt it was probably no more harmful leaving ds to cry for a few minutes than going into him in a stressed state.

I guess I hope that ds will just suddenyly sleep better and so it's great to hear that some babies do do this at some point.

I will reserach the serenite Jnr remedy. Did you feel it safe?

Hi, i also could not bring myself to do controlled crying. It just felt wrong, went against all my natural instincts as a mum, and just made me feel terrible, absolute torture for me listening to my babies crying (i have twin boys who are 2 and a half now) Thats not to say i think its wrong for others, just that it wasnt for me. I really believe that LO's will sleep through in their own sweet time. One of my boys was a terrible sleeper till 18 months old, has got gradually better ever since and now at 2.7 he finally sleeps through most nights, would say he wakes 1 or 2 nights a week now very briefly and takes all of about 5 minutes to settle back to sleep. The other one sleeps brilliantly 7 till 7 without even a murmer. Just take heart that it does get easier and improve and you will one day get a perfect night! BTW i have always gone to my boys in the night straight away as soon as i hear a cry and have often carried one back into my bed to sleep the rest of the night. i think do whatever it takes and dont worry about creating bad habits, its all very fleeting in the end the early years, it goes so quick.....

Morning all! Hi Hoping, yes, I researched it first and can't remember where I heard about it in the first place but feel its safe but I'd rather use natural remedies where possible with the kids if needed anyway. I had used CC on DS1 (cant remember how old he was but it was over the age of 1) and that worked but I stuck it out as I was knackered and willing to give anything a go apart from letting him cry to sleep they'll just make themselves sick and get wound right up. I use that stuff now when he's had a big upset for example we had a house fire last year and had to spend time in hotels and move into another house so all the kerfuffle messed his sleep up so after a few nights using it he was back to normal. But like Mums123 said don't worry about creating bad sleep habits, habits can be broken later on and I'm creating them now with number 2 by pushing him in his pram in the day and feeding to sleep at night. He's 18weeks now and yep, you do what it takes to get them back to sleep and ignore people who say 'my baby sleeps through'. It's not what you want to hear! My mum said it to me and I wanted to throw things at her. I just hope his sleep is sorted by them time number 3 arrives in September!

Just a thought what about bathing him in Radox sleepy whatever its called? The smells might relax him more when he's asleep.

You'll have to let us know how you get on with him.

We used CC with our similar aged DS which (like with you) did work for a while but then after some months he went back to coming in with us.

Although I know it can be difficult IMO just go with the flow if you can, I know it sounds corny but he won't be doing it in years to come.

Also I honestly think that Mums and Mums-in-law have just forgotten the ages of different milestones with their children. I was apparently toilet trained at 18 months?!?!?! I expect we'll be exactly the same

It will get easier.

It's hard to believe it will ever happen but they do just start sleeping thru when they are ready. Think my dd was 20 months ish.

She was just much more tired with all that talking and running !

Hi all. I've been a bit busy the last couple of days, but came home from work today feeling like a completely useless mother after being told that my son is the boss of me and that I'm causing him long term damage by 'giving in to him', etc. I've had a few totally awful nights (last night up for 3.5. hours and had to function to get to work today). Thankyou all so much for your replies. I feel better having read them. I so hope ds gets it and prior to number two (October). I'm really just trying to do the best that I can but the bottom line is I've never done this before and I don't know what the best thing is!! Thanks again, your encouragement will hopefully see me through the night!
PS: Bellared - I've ordered some serenite Jnr. Hopefully it will be here soon. I will try the relaxing bath stuff.

Hi Hopimg, I feel your pain (or rather lack of sleep) DD was just like this as a baby. I couldn't do CC or cry it out espicaly after reading to much reseach on it. She to would be awake for 2-3hours in the night, just when I though it couldn't get any worse she started going back to just waking once or twice and being only up 10mines or so. I did nothing to change this, but I did a lot of reading. DrSears is a good place to start, it help me realsie it was quit normal for baby's to need night time parenting.

She did start sleeping through when she fininaly droped her daytime nap at aroung 2 1/2years, she's a fab sleeper now at 4 and only wakes up when ill.

The only thing I wish we'd done differently was co-sleep so that is what we have done with DS, who's now 15months is a different sleeper but doesn't sleep through yet either (I think).

Hi Hoping, I hope you told whoever said that to you to f##k off! Don't ever feel that you're a useless mother you're not and you're not giving into him at all. That's made me shake an angry fist! I hope that stuff works for you anything is worth a go.

Another thought, do you have a night light? He could be scared of the shadows/dark...

Good luck anyway!

Thanks, I do have a night light. And actually have just bought a new cot light thing that projects stars, I thought I'd try it to see if it was soothing!

I will read Dr Sears - thanks for the tip.

Last night wasn't too bad thankfully, lets see what tonight holds....

Fingers crossed for you!

We did Angela Henderson's book for sleep. It's CC but holds your hand every step of the way. Do give it a look because it really worked for us. The instructions are concise and gentle and they acknowledge that it is hard to hear your baby cry.
DD sleeps 6pm to 7am now and settles herself down without any fuss. I'm glad we did it because when she does wake up, I know there's something wrong and I can comfort her quickly.
PS, CC does wear off sometimes and you have to persist.

slowginny.... how long did it take you to get to that sleep arrangement? I'm longing for just one nights sleep! Having a down day due to lack of sleep. Feel hopeless!

My DS didnt sleep through until he was 2.5 yrs old. All at once he stopped wanting milk at night, started sleeping through and showed major signs of being ready to potty train (dry nappies at night, telling me he needed to go etc). It was a miracle and honestly nothing I did (or didn't do).

It is brutal when you are going trough the sleepless nights, though, so I do sympathise. My DS also wouldn't settle back to sleep easily even when I went to him - and would sometimes wake at 4 or 5am and not go back to sleep at all...hellish!

Personally, I think once they are well into their second year it is too late for controlled crying. My DS would just scream for hours or eventually learned how to climb out of his cot and come and get me!

I feel your pain! My DS is 17mths and has only slept through the night 3 times in his entire life! I am pregnant with DS2 and absolutely shattered, thankfully he is getting much better and now wakes just once which is infinitely better than it was-I remember going to the doctor one morning after he had woken 17 times and being told that 'some children just don't sleep that well' which was perhaps the most unhelpful thing I could have been told!!!!!

I really went through the mill with trying to figure out his sleeping as he always settled well at bedtime but didn't seem able to stay asleep for more than 1.5hrs at a time; he would wake up screaming and didnt even want ro be held-but didnt want to be left either; he would then be up at 5am and would also fight sleep during the day.

I know every child is different but I never thought DS1's sleep issues were behavioural so didn't want to do controlled crying. I was convinced that there was something upsetting/hurting/panicking him so instead I took him to a cranial osteopath and a homeopath last year, both of which helped a bit-the homeopath in particular gave him a remedy for birth trauma (he was 4wks early, failed induction followed by EMCS) and another remedy to help him stay asleep. I also used the Rescue Remedy Sleep liquid melts which help to calm the mind but are non drowsy-have stopped now as he seems to be sorting himself out. He now has a 1.5-2hr nap late morning, is in bed by 7pm and will wake around 4/5am-on a good night he will go back to sleep til 6.30am, on a bad night he won't....
I think it helps that he is walking/running now and using up some more energy. I also bought a night light and used to play classical music / rainforest lullabies when he woke to help calm him down again-that might help? Could your little one be thirsty? I stopped night feeds ages ago but give DS water if he wakes - sometimes he drinks a whole bottle! Sadly it may just be a case of waiting for him to settle into his own sleep pattern though. I am praying that DS2 is a better sleeper as I don't know how I would cope if I had another poor sleeper! Hope it gets easier for you soon. Good luck!!

Thanks everyone. I have looked at all possible scenario's and basically I just think he wants me when he wakes up (mostly). I have also experienced 3 nights throughout his entire lfe where he has slept through! He runs around alot and has done since 12months so I think he's using up lots of energy. He has a night light. He loves his room. I give him drinks in the night if I think he needs one. None of this helps him sleep. Sometimes even I dont help him sleep but at least he's not crying if I'm with him. I reallly hope he manages to sleep well soon! He's never slept well, always been an early riser and appeared to have bags of energy. Essentially I believe that I am the problem and that removing me is the solution, but I just feel this would be very distressing for him.....I'm hoping as ever!