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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

how much does your 4 yr old play alone?

22 replies

familyfun · 14/02/2012 22:18

realised this school hol that dd (4.7) wants constant attention.
we were at soft play all morning, she played with her friend so didnt hardly see her, as we walked in the door at home she was already asking what are we going to play now, i told her i needed to do a few chores and feed dd2 so she sat down and asked for tv. she never seems to find a toy and play, she always asks what shall we play and wants me or dp with her all the time unless she has a friend round.
after school i try and play with her as ive missed her all day so i dont notice it as much but this hol i only have to go to the toilet and i can hear mom mom where are you like she wants to follow me everywhere??

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bigbuttons · 14/02/2012 22:39

My current 4 year never asks me to play with him, nor does he really want to play with others. When my current 5 year old was 4 though it was the complete opposite, still is really.
They are all different

lostboysfallin · 15/02/2012 21:59

He's getting better
Often asks me to help or join in, but I encourage him to be more independent

An0therName · 15/02/2012 22:12

yup when DS was that age - exactly the same - now 6 and slightly better

tigerlillyd02 · 16/02/2012 09:32

Kids hey! I'm not entirely sure as DS is 2.3. But he seems to want me with him all the time - will also follow me everywhere. But providing I'm sitting and not moving around, he's then quite happy to go off and play by himself for quite a while - several hours. I only have to stand up though and he drops what he's doing immediately.

My 5 yr old niece will play for hours by herself, but my 6 yr old niece's attention span is much smaller and she's quite demanding and won't leave you alone for a second. So, I think it probably just depends on the child. All those I know personally are quite different :)

latrucha · 16/02/2012 09:39

My DD is exactly the same as your DD and after 4 years of trying everything under the sun to encourage her I'm just about accepting that this is the way she is. She simply doesn't get the idea of playing by herself at all. It has to be with another person. When we're out,it's with friends; when we're at home it's me. Full stop.

Sigh.

latrucha · 16/02/2012 09:41

Out of interest doe syour DD do any kind of small people play, like doll's houses, Polly Pocket, Happy Land? This is another thing my DD does not get at all.

Baby dolls yes. Pretending to be games yes. Copying me, yes.

survivingwinter · 16/02/2012 21:17

Yes, my 4 yr old dd is the same - her games all have to involve me or copying what I'm doing etc. She is very social and I think she just doesn't see any fun in playing alone. My ds was completely different and would play imaginary games quite happily by himself for fairly long periods at the same age!

latrucha · 16/02/2012 21:44

I wonder what they're like when they get older?

It is great that children liek this seem to love school and social things so much.

It would also be nice to go to the toilet without being shouted at.

duvet · 17/02/2012 18:02

yEP my dd2 was the same never played alone and even now at 6 it's very rare, she just loves company, thankfully dd1 will play with her sometimes but dd1 often prefers to play alone, prob cos little sisters can be annoying :o cos DD1 wasnt like this til about 5!
It is tiring but yeah they're all different. DD2 will happily do things like colouring, craft & playing in the sink and helping mummy as long as she has company! I'm beginning to think that she's not going to grow out of it and it's nice that they are so sociable.

RobinSparkles · 17/02/2012 18:08

DD1 is 4 and she plays by herself quite a lot. Sometimes she will drag me into her games by saying, "I'm a monkey/cat etc, pretend you're the mummy monkey and I'm the baby" but after a while she'll go back off on her own, which I like.

I imagine that DD2 will need playing with though, as I never get a moments peace with her! She's 1 next week and she seems to prefer company.

OlderNotWiser · 17/02/2012 18:15

DS1 was like this, a lot better now he is 6. DS2 aged 4 drives me up the wall. He either wants telly or will just ...well, sort of loiter, following me aimlessly. He loves having freinds to play, and loves being out at a park/softplay, but has no clue how to pass the time inside and wont be shown either!

Whizkidwithacrazystreak · 17/02/2012 19:16

DS1 (4.2) happily plays solo, until DS2 who is 14 months younger ruins it all. DS2 is always wanting me to play with him and often struggles to entertain himself (strain). Hopefully it will all pass and they can find enjoyment without having to have us around all the time.

theliverpoolone · 17/02/2012 20:36

My dd (4.6) is exactly the same. Continously "what shall we play now mummy?". Like others, she doesn't seem to 'get' small doll play. She loves playing actual games eg snakes and ladders, the Orchard Toy games, Elefun, etc - so I spend a lot of my time playing them . Otherwise, she'll play the games on her VTech camera, or do a bit of moonsand or painting - but usually needs me around quite quickly. She seems to have gone off sitting down for any length of time to watch TV - which I guess is a good thing, but not when I need to get things done!!

She's not actually a very social child, she struggles to mix with other children, so I had thought she'd be good at playing independently, but no, she definitely wants to be joined at the hip with me!

Flubba · 17/02/2012 20:50

I'm going to be the odd-one-out here; my DD1 (4yrs 9m) plays on her own very well. That being said, she nearly always has DD2 (3yrs 4m) to play with, and they'll play everything and anything, but also when they're not playing together, she'll occupy herself well. She does like to play with me, or have a story read, or do baking etc with me, but she does entertain herself a lot.

The kind of things she does are drawing, doing 'craft' (cutting loads of crap out and sticking it back somewhere), making picnics for her toys, 'designing' things and making surprises (essentially this involves draping sheets and scarves everywhere), a lot of dressing up (our dressing-up stash is embarrassingly empty but she doesn't seem to be aware that it is! :o), playing with the dolls' house etc etc.

Original poster

familyfun · 17/02/2012 21:35

back at last
dd does play dolls houses, happyland, but wants me to be one of the characters.
if she does craft i have to set it all up and help
and she alsways wants me to pretend to be her school friend/teacher/george pig etc
she loves school although she is quite quiet/shy and has 1 best friend who she is inseparable from and then a few other girls she plays with a bit too.

OP posts:

flussymummy · 18/02/2012 01:44

We home-ed so my DDs are used to playing by themselves pretty often and I find that the best thing for us is to leave interesting things (new toys saved from Christmas/charity shop finds/even just a pile of sticks or shells) lying about for them to find, and it usually occupies them for a little while. Also, having paper and art and craft things where they can reach them and help themselves has made a big difference in our house!

Parietal · 18/02/2012 01:59

For my dd (4yrs) if varies day to day. Some days she is happy alone, other days I have to help.

BsshBossh · 18/02/2012 07:57

DD is 3.5 but plays alone all the time (mainly imaginary games where she plays all the different characters herself); she also plays very well with her friends. She doesn't expect me to play with her but she does like me to be in the same room as her (eg reading or washing up or pottering).

She does alot of structured activities too but is very good at "free play".

Interestingly she always wants her grandma to play with her and I think it's because her grandma has always played with her whereas I am not very good at playing so never did with DD so her expectations are different.

BsshBossh · 18/02/2012 08:00

Incidentally, both DH and I were "play happily alone" children too so it hasn't surprised us that DD is like this too.

fuzzPigwickPapers · 18/02/2012 08:07

DD 4.7 is ok, but I realised she never actually has to play alone! Her little brother is 2 so at home they are usually together (which is great; I was determined to have at least 2 DCs because I was a lonely only child). At school she is popular and always has friends to play with.

If she gets herself into a game she will be happy to play by herself, but if I suggest it she won't. For example she got upset because DS wanted to stay downstairs the other day so I had to be with him, and she wanted to stay upstairs but didn't want to play alone.

DedalusDigglesPocketWatch · 18/02/2012 08:15

DD is 4.3yrs and has always been very good at playing by herself. At one point we were a bit worried at how antisocial she was. But as she gets older she plays nicely with other children but I have noticed her wanting me to join in with her games more in about the last 6m. I don't know whether this is because the adults at preschool play with them a lot so she expects it now?

She likes little toys (playmobil, barbie etc) never been interested with baby dolls but has always been very into soft toys and will play games with those for hours.

moonblushtomato · 19/02/2012 19:15

DD 3.6 NEVER plays on her own and I think like another poster said, I've just got to accept this. Aghhhhhhhh!!

It gets extremely overwhelming and sometimes when she calls out "Mummy where are you?" (when I'm on the loo etc) I'll call back "I'm here". "Where?" she'll call back, "Here" I reply. Just to get a few extra seconds on my own.

God I'm evil.....

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