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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

3.5yo dd dry during day but saves poos for nappy just after bedtime - what to do?

15 replies

titferbrains · 13/02/2012 20:23

As title describes, DD is waiting till a nappy goes on at bed time to do her poo. She then gets up and comes to tell me, I change her and ask her why Why WHY? and she never provides a satisfactory answer and we go thru it all again the next night.

We have talked about poos, DH has shown her his poo, I am not one for shutting the door when using loo so she is aware that everyone uses the loo etc.

I wonder if she is freaked out by the smelly/messy aspect of poo but not sure how to get past this? She has seemed a bit horrified by her baby bro's nappies - which I guess look pretty strange and gross - and I am a bit of a manic wiper/hand washer myself, tho my house isn't particularly clean, I just can't bear having dirty hands - and I think I've passed this on to DD. What can I do to make her more comfortable about pooing in the loo? She is doing so well with her wees, I am very proud of that, she uses loo with special seat and her step and has been staying dry when out and about, at other pple's houses etc.

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BoysAreLikeDogs · 13/02/2012 20:42

has she ever pooed in the loo?

Original poster

titferbrains · 13/02/2012 20:46

ages and ages ago, she probably doesn't remember, she was about 2.6 or younger maybe and i let her play with the ipad for quite a long time, I didn't realise she'd done it till I took her off!

I have tried letting her sit on loo while watching ipad just before bedtime but had to stop after 10 min or so as she was just chilling and watching the movie rather than focussing on pooing. I think when younger she was more relaxed whereas now she is controlling when she poos.

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Original poster

titferbrains · 13/02/2012 20:50

we are totally up for bribery and everyday I remind her that if she poos in the loo, we can go to the toy shop and choose a toy... she just gets excited about the possiblity of a toy but doesn't seem moved to poo.

I have toyed with the idea of getting something she really really wants - a Jessie Doll and showing it to her and saying she can only play with it if she does a poo on the loo - but have not done this yet as I'm worried about ensuing tantrums if she doesn't poo and doesn't get the toy, and also the endless nagging that will come about wanting the toy. Also seems a bit cruel if she has a real fear about pooing in the loo.

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BoysAreLikeDogs · 13/02/2012 21:01

hmmm yes, you don't want to go down a withholding road

okay, a few thoughts:

we human beings are creatures of habit; your DD is in the habit of pooing at bedtime. so far, so good. how about doing the bedtime routine as usual but delaying popping on the nappy and going to bed, see if she ''needs'' a poo and follow her signals/body language and pop her on to the loo. Of course, any signs of resistance, remove from loo, stick on nappy and let her poo there

leave it as it is, she is pooing regularly, revisit say in 3 months time, this may spontaneously resolve with her maturing body

I have read that sitting on the loo, but with nappy in place, can help. so she has the ''safety'' of pooing in the nappy, but in the place you eventually want her to. once sitting is established cut access hole for poo to exit nappy (this does seem a lot of faff, but am offering it as food for thought)

whaddya think??

Original poster

titferbrains · 13/02/2012 21:08

hey thanks so much for putting all that down!

I like the last option - hadn't thought about getting her to sit on loo in nappy. have read about the hole in the nappy thing but I think just getting her to sit on loo in nappy would be a good start. She needs to get used to the position!

RE: first, do you mean just put her in bed in knickers and wait outside bedroom for her to come and tell me she needs to poo? MIGHT work. hmm. Will have a chat with DH and will have a think now. As it's half term, it's less of a problem if she falls asleep a bit later so a good time to have a go with this.

Thanks a lot! I recognise you from my other threads, I feel like I'm always posting some whinge or other. cheers for reading mine and not hiding them

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BoysAreLikeDogs · 13/02/2012 21:13

yes she can hang around in pants, or nowt, you invent a bit of a delay (make up summat, a need to just rearrange towels in airing cupboard a bit quick, or oooh I must just re pair all the socks, v casual, like, so that you are nearby, to hand, as it were)

Original poster

titferbrains · 13/02/2012 21:17

hmm ok will have a think. she does them about 30-45 min after I turn lights out. so it will make bedtime quite a bit later...

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BoysAreLikeDogs · 13/02/2012 21:20

mmmhmm but worth a try? very best of luck titfer x

Afterthought: I am aware that this might bugger up bedtimes which is kinda replacing one ''problem'' with another [ponders thoughtfully]

Beamur · 13/02/2012 21:22

My DD did exactly the same. It carried on for a couple of months, only pooing at bedtime after the nappy was on.
Gentle perseverence, a big bribe and a camping holiday sorted it for us.
I think she was a bit scared of pooing and liked to do it in peace and quiet and by herself.
The staff at her nursery said it was not uncommon and potty training for poo nearly always takes longer.
The camping holiday helped because she was absolutely desperate to go, the nappy was off and she was pleading for me to put one on (and I knew why) and I managed to persuade her to sit on the camping potty and put it somewhere she could have a little privacy - once she did the first one in the potty by herself she never looked back. Whilst she has had the odd wee accident she has never (yet) had a poo one.
Then I bought her a scooter, which is what we had promised her when she got the hang of poo in the potty.

SESthebrave · 13/02/2012 21:30

I've never tried this but I do know a couple of people who have tried putting pants on inside the nappy so that it doesn't feel so comfortable.
Sounds like you need to do something different. Good luck!

Original poster

titferbrains · 14/02/2012 18:45

DD POOED ON THE LOO TODAY!! [GRIN] [SHOCK]

am sure it will take a while to do all in the loo but very proud that she managed one!!!

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Littlefish · 14/02/2012 18:47

Fantastic news. Did you use bribery?

BoysAreLikeDogs · 14/02/2012 18:47

Wow, well done her

BoysAreLikeDogs · 14/02/2012 18:48

Ps on mob apols for brevity

Original poster

titferbrains · 14/02/2012 19:45

Well she said she needed the loo then she was sat reading her book and just did it with no prompting! She did tell us she was going to do a poo but we were a bit like okay sweetie you have promised us this poo quite a few times before without delivering...

She of course did another one in her nappy just before bed but I am not fussed, I know now that we can at least continue to encourage her to do them. Will of course be off to the toy shop first thing to select a pressie. Tonight she has said she wants a mermaid doll...Thank goodness 3yos have simple pleasures!

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