Hitting me - help?

[Cheekybutgorgeous]

My baby boy is 18 months and has taken to hitting us, nothing I do stops him - telling him off with harsher voice, ignoring it, showing him how to be gentle. Anyone got any advice? is this just a phase? Just concerned as he has just started nursery and don't want him hitting other kids or the carers, I want them all to like him!! Thanks

All children are different and this I wouldn't suggest I have the magic cure but here is what worked for me.

At 18mo the thing they treasure most is you and company, so that is what you use to punish in a no-harm-something-he-can-understand kind of way i.e. remove it.

When DS started doing it to me I was flummoxed at first but then developed this technique:

I tell him it is naughty and that mummy doesn't do it to you, mummy strokes you and hugs you. First chance to behave.

If he persists after this, I emphasise that is naughty and whisk him off to his cot and promptly put him down and walk off without a backward glance. (or other suitable safe spot).

I give him 60secs and then pick him up all forgiven.

After about 4 goes of this he rarely goes past being given his chance to stop, and now that will prompt him to stop and hug mummy instead (after being told mummy hugs you) and even that is getting rarer.

hth

good luck

sorry the hitting is getting rarer not the hugging!

Thanks nice to know i am not alone, will try for sure the putting in safe place my only question would be what if he does it while we are out. Was our in a restaurant last night and he was really good but when my mum had him in her arms he was hitting her!

I have done a very similar thing. DD started hitting me at around the same age.
Like empathy I would say 'no, we don't hit, mummy doesn't hit, daddy doesn't hit etc etc'. Then if she hit again I would put her in her cot and take away her dolly and leave. I would tell her that she was in there becuase she hit and then leave. I would never leave her for more than a minute or 2, and then when I came back I would give her big cuddles and again explain that she went there because she hit.
She's now 2.4 and I can't remember the last time she hit me, so it's definitely worked.
Now I just need to work out how to stop her telling me I'm silly and wrong all the time!!!

Difficult in public place as any punishment is likely to produce loud wails.

Maybe take him to foyer/outside area and stand him facing the wall for a minute. Same principle. It is very important to be consistent: same crime - same punishment.

Or probably a better suggestion is maybe just not go to restaurant for few weeks, if technique works as well as it did for me it should be under control in short time.

Agree with empathylass and blue22

I echo everything they have both said. Would also add, consequences need to swiftly follow the action and be predictable.

With mine, once I had started this you could actually see him thinking about doing it (that light in his eye) and then there was the pause for thought and change of mind - had to stop myself laughing!

At first he would hit my shoulder instead of my face (but much lighter) and then that phased out too.

Think the hitting just stems from frustration and is an outlet, but that doesn't make it acceptable. I like the saying 'if you accept it - you can expect it!'

However because it is their feelings spilling out inappropriately, if they are good and manage to resist then getting them involved in a better outlet is a good way to help them run the steam off - so a chase round or other physical activity helps them be good.

Good luck , hope it works. :)

We took a different approach, redirection rather than punishment. 18 months is so little and they are still experimenting really. I would try to grab DS's arm before he made contact and say "No, too rough." - if he was hitting with a toy or something he was holding, I would take it away. Then I would move his arm in a gentle stroking motion and say "Gentle, good! Lovely!" and generally be positive about it.

Once he got older and he was definitely doing it out of frustration I started showing him things he was allowed to hit - sofa, bed, big cushion etc. Again I saw the same reaction as others - he would stop, think about it and decide not to!

Bertiebotts - I like your approach a lot and great if it works, but OP says she's already tried teaching how to be gentle.

Agree 18mo is young for punishment (in the heavy sense of the word) but they are old enough to understand cause and effect and 60-120 secs of ostracising is minimal, but something they can understand. When I pick ds up after his micro-time-out he is cheerful again immediately, he is not massively upset by it, we have cuddles and I tell him you mustn't hit mummy, but it makes him realise mummy doesn't like hitting and won't tolerate it.

We didn't go down the punishment route either. Redirected and told her we didn't like hitting. She soon stopped. So maybe they grow out of it rather than any punishment 'working' as such.

All good advice - cheeky you'll have to tell us how you get on. :)