how best to introduce my 11 year old to the idea of reproduction 'n' stuff....

[loops73]

My son has begun grammar school this year and is getting on well-working hard and playing hard! I don't think school has had any classes about sex yet, but he is interested to know how babies are made etc. First of all, should I leave it up to the experts at school or should I maybe buy him a book on the subject? My daughter didn't find out about the whole shebang until 3rd year (year 10) and I thought that was very late. Also, my husband is not great about being sensible with him when it comes to talking about personal matters-he tends to make jokes and my son gets irritated with him. How can I try to encourage my husband to be more sensitive with him, without hurting my husband's feelings?

Sorry, I find it impossible to believe that an 11yo in secondary school doesn't know the basics about reproduction already. And your DD didn't know until she was in yr 10? So 14 or 15? No. Don't believe it. If you are in the UK they will have had PHSE lessons by then, and certainly have heard stuff from their friends/media/books etc.

But in any case, a book is a good idea if you and your DH are too embarrassed to talk about it. Usborne do some good ones about puberty and reproduction, eg What's Happening to Me.

my 5 and 8 year olds know some of the basics of making babies. I'd find out what he knows already and work from there

are you in England? Because this would have been covered in PSHE from age 5 onwards

You talk to DS if your DH not prepared to

(amazed that your DD ''found out'' in year ten, was this before or after she started her periods?)

If he is independent school (not clear if it is state grammar or not) then they don't have to follow the national curriculum, and the content of pshee is not prescribed anyway.

If he is state school then the national curriculum for science introduces reproduction 'properly' at ks3. Almost all will do it in yr7 (but that is not prescribed). Because of the way the government structured the national curriculum this is usually done before Feb half term.

You need to tell him yourself, particularly if your dh is likely to muck it up and annoy your ds.

I started talking to dd about this sort of thing when she was about 3 in terms she could understand then, mainly respect for others and for yourself and not being pushed into doing things you don't feel comfortable with (this included bullying as well, there's quite an overlap). She saw me changing a tampon (many times), gave an excellent opening to how things work.

Have you really not talked to him about any of this? Did he not see your tampons/towels when he was little, and ask what they were?

Lots of interesting pieces of advice! We are in Northern Ireland-the girls get taught about periods and hygiene, and boys get taught about hygiene and erections(to put it bluntly!) when they are in P7. When my DD found out about intercourse when she was 13 (in biology) she seemed genuinely taken aback by what she learned. My DS also seems in the dark where sex is concerned. I think the idea of the suggested books may be the way to go.

Usborne "How your Body Works" and there is an Usborne book specifically about where babies come from, too

I'm really amazed that this hasn't already come up in conversation. I have much younger children who seem to spend every minute in the most public possible places talking loudly about mummy machines and daddy machines (thanks Usborne) and wondering which of the people around them have penises and asking to look at my vagina.

Babette Cole has a great book called 'hair in funny places.' It is a lighthearted, not scary look at pubity and sex. Used it with all 3 of mine.