Actually I can answer that question for myself, I clearly have as I've upset another mum at my local toddler group today but I think I'm looking for some reassurance or if not a kick up the backside!
I go to a toddler group weekly with my DS (21mths) and am familiar with a little boy (about 2yo) who has been known to take toys and hit my DS and other children. His mum also has a baby so obviously can't be everywhere but doesn't pay too much attention to what he's up to. The little boy made a grab for a biscuit I was eating today which I just laughed off and told him it was mine and that he should ask Mummy to get him one. A little later he wandered over and made a grab for a biscuit that another child was eating. Neither child was mine but it was right in front of me so i instinctively stopped the biscuit grabber by taking hold of his arm and saying something like (I think in a friendly voice) "no sweetie that's not your biscuit". The little boy gave me a vacant look and wandered off. The granny of the other little boy and I exchanged a few friendly words but then mum of the biscuit grabber appeared from the other side of the hall, really cross. She asked "what right do you have grabbing my son's arm ... would you do that to your own child" ... etc. I immediately answered her with "you're absolutely right, I have no right to do that and I apologise". I believe I was acting out of common sense and I don't think I was rough with the little boy or meant him any harm or malice but she did have a very good point ... I had no right. And as for whether I'd do that to my own child I absolutely would. I see no problem with taking his arm if he's about to take something he's not allowed or generally physically holding or stopping him from doing something that's wrong or dangerous.
She was at least calmed by my comments and walked away, I didn't speak to her again but now kind of wish I'd cleared the air before the session was over. The granny who witnessed it all was a bit gobsmacked and said a few words to me along the lines of "remind me to avoid her, has the world gone mad" etc. At least I'm reassured that in her eyes and my own I acted out of common sense and wasn't rough with the little boy.
At the end of the group everyone gets together for a few songs and notices are read out by the group leader and today there was a pretty long speech about children's behaviour and if there are any problems to come to one of the toddler group helpers. I can't decide if it was aimed at me for intervening with another child's behaviour or to the mum who wanted to say her piece to me in the middle of the busy group. Probably both.
So, what would you have done? Let it all happen and keep your nose out? Or a well meaning attempt at stopping bad behaviour when you can see it about to happen?
One confused mummy. xx