What do I want for DD?

[katymac]

As some of you know I'm meeting with the school nurse & DD's head teacher tomorrow (about my 20th thread - sorry)

This is to decide if her problems are home or school based

Someone (several someones) have pointed out I haven't written down any positive outcomes of the meeting

However I don't know what I do want as an outcome

On a basic level I want DD happy, the bedwetting to stop and the bullying to stop. I would also like an acknowledgement that she is bright

I do realise that these are unlikely outcomes - what would be realistic

ie a referral to the family support team?
an appointment with an Educational Psychologist?

what else is a reasonable expected outcome?

(sorry to keep going on about it - I am finding the whole thing very difficult)

bump?

I would suggest, to get the ball rolling, that a positive outcome you might hope for would be that you begin to work in partnership with the school until YOU are satisified that there is no problem or if there is one that it is being dealt with effectively.

From what I have read it is a typical case of school saying "this is what she is like here" and home saying "this is what she is like here"

School is an establishment and a lot of establishments take some time to come round to change. In the past school was school and home was home. Now, however, one would expect to work in partnership until all parties are satsified and happy - not least your child.

Thanks Nannyme - that is a good outcome

It's somewhere to start

Ignore me if you have dealt with these already:

How is bullying dealt with?
How will they inform you of incidents?
How 'bad' would an incident have to be before they informed you?
How are they tackling the areas of poor school performance that they describe - how can you work with them together on this so school is backed up at home and VICE VERSA?!!
Would they like to see a copy of your plan of approach to any issues you have at home or issues you have been told about at school so that there is consistency?
Is there a named point of contact at school who you and your child can go to directly?
What are the contingency plans if the problems continue despite best efforts?
What is their rationale for their statement about home being seen as more fun? Home is more fun for most kids to some extent - certainly a lot more loving - is this not school's responsibility to make school as fun/stimulating/great??!!
How are they stretching her intellectually?
Conversely, how are they supporting her in her weaker areas (we all ahve them)?
What if she is not academically inclined, what other opportunities is school offering for kids like her who excel at things like sailing, music, etc. etc? Do they have clubs and classes? Idf not why not and what will they do about this.

How do school intend to set about identifying her strengths so that she can succeed instead of (supposedly) failing at the goals school is setting for her?
Blah blah blah blah bla - sorry!

How is bullying dealt with? It doesn't seem to be - they were surprised when I told them it was happening

How will they inform you of incidents? Only been informed of one spoken incident whcih apparently happened in class discussions and it was connected to her colour (she is mixed race)

How 'bad' would an incident have to be before they informed you? Don't know - they are still maintaining it isn't happening

How are they tackling the areas of poor school performance that they describe - how can you work with them together on this so school is backed up at home and VICE VERSA?!! Her work is average, normal & barely acceptable - praise is sporadic and inconsistant - I feel she is underminded and her condfidence knocked regularily (out of scholl she performs excellently in Piano/gym/sailing/chess etc)

Would they like to see a copy of your plan of approach to any issues you have at home or issues you have been told about at school so that there is consistency? That would be a usefl thing to suggest (when I asked them to remind her to drink water - they said they didn't have time - she needs to drink more to help with the bed wetting but "that isn't our priority")

Is there a named point of contact at school who you and your child can go to directly? No (form tutor who is also head)

What are the contingency plans if the problems continue despite best efforts? The school aren't sure there are problems (ie no bullying, her work is as expected, bed wetting is a homebased problem) I'm considering moving her (I just don't want to make it worse)

What is their rationale for their statement about home being seen as more fun? Home is more fun for most kids to some extent - certainly a lot more loving - is this not school's responsibility to make school as fun/stimulating/great??!! I'm a childminder and have up to 9 under 5's at home (she is 8) she says she prefers school

How are they stretching her intellectually? They say she is incapable of better work - she achieves better at home (her homework is better than her school work - most of the time - but when it is to be displayed or discussed the standard drops)

Conversely, how are they supporting her in her weaker areas (we all ahve them)? her work is "average"

What if she is not academically inclined, what other opportunities is school offering for kids like her who excel at things like sailing, music, etc. etc? Do they have clubs and classes? Idf not why not and what will they do about this. She does lots out of school - but doesn't want to do school clubs (she has started several but left after a few weeks)

How do school intend to set about identifying her strengths so that she can succeed instead of (supposedly) failing at the goals school is setting for her? They don't - and last week she produced a peice of work - she was pulled out in assembly and praised (on the basis that she has never produced work like this before and we didn't think she could do work as good as this - which pi$$ed me off)

I am stroppy and confrontational aren't I?

Too much information?

Stroppy and confrontational? I doubt it, but depends how you approach them. Assertiveness is fine so long as you aren't bawling and criticising! Some of what you write denotes a certain passivity tbh.

Anyway, I might be a bit stroppy and confrontational if my opinions were continually dismissed as yours seem to be!

Big outcome for meeting: To stop having your opinions dismissed.

Best approach might be to agree the things you will work on like encouraging your daughter to engage in out of school activities or anything you can think of so that they see you willing to accept some reponsibilty. Move on to what you expect school to do. You need to ask them outright if they are going to do the things you want them to (such as the things I have suggested above) and get a direct answer. You should make sure you get minutes (and ensure that someone is minuting the meeting at the start - if they say they cannot do this then tell them you will minute it as you understand it and will forward a copy for their signature of agreement).

I asked about asking for their rationale to do with it being more fun at home. The answer you gave I suspect is your rationale for THEIR statement. Also still unanswered by school is what they will DO about making it as interesting at school as it is at home.

Also about academic ability, I doubt she is average at everything and if she is then how are they going about raising that standard.

You simply MUST get satisfactory answers to all these questions. Not your answers but the school's.

She is bright btw several people (teachers we know socially, her piano teacher etc)think this

She is possibly G&T (definatley bored)

Thank you for listening to me - I appreciate it

Hi again. Starting to get tired and fell asleep on sofa so will think on this some more in case tomorrow isn't the end of it in terms of your negotiations.

Definitely make them address the drinking bed wetting issues and think about complaining officially re. their failures in their duty of care, etc. etc.

They aren't just there to educate they are there to care for our children whilst they are ebing educated.

Best of Luck for tomorrow and beyond. Love to your daughter who is obviously very brave. Tell her from me that school is (although important) just a fraction of our lives and whilst she has the right for this time to be a happy successful one, it is not a disaster if it doesn't wotk out that way.

There is no excuse for bullying, i.e. abuse, however, and if all else fails - move her, move her, move her.

I am reading this thread and your other with deep , katymac. I would demand to see the school's bullying and racism policies - surely they have such things? You will then be able to point out many ways in which they are breaking those policies (beating people over the head with their own words is deeply satisfying).