embarrassed and fed up with two year old ds.

[fullofregrets]

My DS is 2.8 and I am so fed up with him at the moment. He cannot behave in social situations. We have been to toddler group today and he pushes and snatches and does really random things like try and sit on other children. Why? It is getting so bad I don't want to take him anywhere. He has improved with joining in group directed activities such as singing and dancing but has got worse with pushing and snatching and I spend the entire time telling him off and putting him into time out. Gave up in the end and went home.

I'm just sick of it, he has never been an easy child in many ways. He still does not sleep through and the longest he has slept for in one stretch for the last three weeks is an hour and three quarters so we are both shattered which I'm sure does not help his behaviour or my patience. He has his two and a half year check yesterday and hv just suggested ignoring him when he wakes which is what we have been doing anyway but when he wakes up shouting it disturbs us all. I was feeling more positive yesterday as hv said DS's development was fine and that she didn't think he had Adhd or was on the autistic spectrum. She put his development as three and a half or above in all categories. However I don't know how she reached this conclusion as she only watched him play and chatted to him for a bit so I'm inclined to take it with a pinch of salt as I do not think he is particularly bright, probably average. Still, in general I was feeling more optimistic but his social behaviour is still hopeless as evidenced today.

Anyway what can I do? Should I just avoid taking him to groups until this stage passes? He is meant to be starting nursery in September and I don't know how he is going to cope. Part of me wants to stay home and never leave the house again and part of me thinks if he isn't socialized then he is never going to learn to communicate properly.

His poor sleeping will affect his behaviour. We see this with DS (2.4)

DS has had a run of coughs, colds etc which have messed with his sleep and naps. So we've been having early bedtimes and making sure he naps. He has also been teething too (molars). Dh has been sleeping in with him and reassuring him when he does wake up which settles him faster. After a couple of weeks he started sleeping better again although has a cough so was up last night! We also think he might have ear trouble from the colds so taking to the docs. Someone has said that ear trouble can cause behaviour problems.

We're sticking to playdates etc for now and getting him out to the park as much more suited to him when he's like this.

this too shall pass.

if you watch the other kids, they are probably all doing the sdame thing. two year olds do snatch, they do push, and they do random things like try to sit on other kids. toddlers are exhausting.

soooo, you will feel better if you do keep on leaving the house - and make a valiant attempt to detoddlerify his behaviour. and you'll get the odd cup of coffee and a biscuit.

or you can reduce your outings and maybe invite one or two other parents round for a playdate? so he still gets to practice all those things he needs to learn, but in a less busy environment. the difficulty with that can be (for some kids) that they like to share their toys even less than the ones at mums and tots.

he sounds v full on though. what does he want when he wakes? we've had reasonable success with toddlers using a 'bunny clock'. if the bunny is asleep, so you should be. no shouting until the bunny wakes up.

i'm assuming he doesn't nap in the day? if he still does, i'd be cutting that out as well. and be firm and extremely robust. the hv is basically saying he gets no rewards for shouting in the night (i am assuming that as he's just shouting, there's no 'need' to meet, he just wants attention). obv if he's upset you need to reassure and settle.

but be kind to yourself. he's a busy chap and it's knackering.

(nursery will be great by the way. you'll get three hours to yourself and they can help teach him to share. and not push or sit on people. and hopefully knacker him out so that he sleeps)

(lol at the park, i was going to suggest buying a trampoline with a net, and zipping it shit with a padlock for an hour. you can sit outside and say 'wooooo! higher! higher!' and sip your coffee in perfect equanimity with the world for a short period.)

shut. shut. i meant shut.

He has stopped napping in the day and actually the sleeping has gotten worse which lead me to think he might be overtired. He has always found settling himself difficult if overtired even as a very small baby. However he won't nap until about 3pm and even if i only allow him half an hour he is then up until gone 9pm, often later. And he still gets up over and over again in the night.
I don't think there is anything wrong, if I do go in he quite often laughs. However he can keep up hid shouting and screaming for up to two hours. Sometimes I end up going in because DH then starts to get irate as he gas to get up for work. Often if I go in DS will go back to sleep more quickly but is then awake again an hour or so later.
It is exhausting.
He actually is ok with children in his own house. He will share his things pretty well and doesn't push, he is like a different child. He just doesn't seem to cope very well with lots of children in a less familiar situation. I don't like him very much today and that makes me feel awful!

I will join you on the embarrassed bench OP!

I'm finding my 2yo really hard work ATM, today he had 5 what I call "microtantrums" (short but very sharp...) on the 20 minute walk home. He just suddenly flips, it is really strange.

In his case though it's not sleep, as that is one thing he is amazing at unlike his big sister - with him it is because of his communication I think. He is pretty delayed with speech, I actually asked the doctor about a hearing test (MNers recommended it on another thread) but he said DS is too young (2.5), and it definitely isn't glue ear or any obvious obstruction beyond a little wax.

i might be inclined to try bribery.
he's a bit young, but it might work.

get a bunny clock and brainwash him that if he is silent as a mouse until the bunny wakes up, he can have x, y or z absolute favourite thing.

and lots and lots of positive reinforcement. do some role play games with him with the clock during the day. get him to practice looking at it as the first thing he does when his eyes opemn, because at the moment his default position is to open his mouth. kids do naturally come to during the night - he's just got into the habit of shouting instead of rolling over and going back to sleep.

he's still little, but he might get it. and kids love to play 'i'm asleep', 'i'm awake!'

it does sound like it might be overtired, but i think you just need to push through that godawful 'not tired enough to nap but need more sleep' phase. we had to stand ds1 up to eat his dinner for about 3 months at the same age, otherwise he would fall asleep in it.

this time next year, eh...

Thank you for all the suggestions. I will have a look at the bunny clock! He is cute enough to know that he should be asleep, yesterday he said 'I shouted mommy in bed and woke you up. It funny!'
I could have smacked him! I think his behaviour would be better if he slept better as we have had patches when the sleep has improved and so has the behaviour. This is a particularly bad patch. He is also very defiant and argumentative when tired. Bit like I am I suppose!

Just ordered go-glow clock thing. Is that the same?

they look v similar. looks like there are loads! the bunny one we had used to open it's eyes and the ears would flip up when it was time to get up. if the bunny's eyes were still closed then it wasn't time yet. the go-glow ones look similar, with a night and day thing.

good luck x

Ahhh the bunny ones sound cute! I'd like one for myself!

It is the gro-clock I've ordered, don't know where got go glow from. But has stars and sunshine so think will do same thing.

I'm not sure what to say other than my hv completely failed to notice that my non-sleeping DS had asd. It took school to point that out.

Go to the GP about the sleeping and see if you can get a referral for a full developmental check just in case.