5 year old steals and lies

[SigningMum1]

My son started school last september and turned 5 in october. He is not a fan of school and is counting the days to half term. He does however enjoy reading and sums.

Last friday his teacher phoned me at home saying that ds had been putting books in his book bag, ie stealing books. Over the weekend we talked to ds who said things like 'i can't remember...', 'mrs _ (teachers assistant) put them in there...' etc, but at no point did he say 'I did it'. This is unusual. I wrote a letter to the teacher, and when I picked ds up from school she said 'he definitely took them but we haven't got to the bottom why' I still needed to hear from him that he took them.

He admitted he took them when I asked him Why? He said it made him feel good. He had no remorse and no sense of responsibility.

That evening dh and I took him away from the tv, which he'd only had 10 minutes of, and spoke to him. (my kids get very little tv). He was very upset about no tv and only showed signs of discomfort re the books and lying to us and his teacher when we said we'd tell his best friend. We said that he will always be found out and punished. His behaviour continued to be difficult all the way through til we turned the lights out at bed time, but no more difficult than usual, to him it was like nothing had happened.

When does a child start to feel bad about their behaviour or have any sense of guilt about what they have done???

Any suggestions about anything else we can do. Is he asking for more attention, more discipline or a channel to vent this thing that needs expression????

We told him that if he does it again that he will have to stand in front of the class and tell them that he stole, lied to his parents and to his teachers.

HELP!!!

Thank you
Emma

can't help re stealing, but DD loves "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" and we use that to talk about lying, being believed, trust etc

Thank you :)

This may be a stupid question - but do you read alot with him at home? Are there lots of other incidents. I can remember DD at 3 coming home from nursery with a tiny dinosaur because she was obsessed with them. Returned pronto! Followed by a quick trip to ELC for miniature dinosaurs. Followed by a good bollocking 2 weeks later when she turned up with two more - turned out she had been given them for helping tidying all the small world play up because they wouldn't fit in the new tub! She did tell me this but I didn't believe her! . So I am wondering if he actually wants to read the stories he likes at school with you.

I used the story HipHop uses too, but what I found most helpful was praising DD when she came and told me she had done something wrong, gave her lots of cuddles and chatted about it, depending on how serious it was. I tell her if she tells us then we can help her sort it, and I count to ten and try to do it in practice (even when my laptop has ended up on the floor).

I can't really help if he is consciously stealing as she has a very strong sense of right and wrong (from a quite early age) - but we had a blip when she was hiding and denying things so she wouldn't be told off, and that's what we did to change it. I am wondering if your DS is the same. DD (now 5) really hates being told off, and will do anything to avoid it if there is the merest chance of staging a defence - but we've always thought she's going to become a lawyer.

Could he be nervous of telling the teacher the truth? It all seems black and white to us, but I think we need to remember the world can be a big and scary place when you are only 5.

He enjoys reading and loves being read to, however two of the books he took were the same and he didn't like it (lots of speach bubble text, DS found it confusing), so it was just the taking that made him happy??!! He hates being told off, however he just carries on as if nothing has happened, as if we've moved on and he can just carry on behaving normally, which is generally disruptive but incredibly fun, but not appropriate for someone who has behaved the way he has.... aaaarrrgghhh :) . Need to teach him responsibility for his own actions. And I need to learn to move on!!!

My DD has a very strong sense of right and wrong and she's not yet 4. She took something from the childminders house which she returned voluntarily apologising. All dealt with very civilised and calmly. All of this well before this incident. I don't know what she makes of all that is happening?

I think that maybe he thought that if he does wrong outside the home with someone who is not a member of the family that he may not be found out? A sense of feeling in control of his life, maybe too deep? Or just testing the boundaries?

I agree, I don't think it's black and white either. My brain hurts from feeling confused and sad because I want to understand him without picking his brains, poor thing. And the world is a very confusing at 5

Have got him to apologies to the teacher and the teachers assistant.

Thank you :)