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Arrrrgggggghhhh! What do we do with our deep-thinking child?

35 replies

MayaAngelCool · 07/02/2012 01:08

Our 5 yo DS seems to think a lot. I don't know how he compares to other kids of his age, but it does often affect certain aspects of his life. Such as sleep disturbance.

I shan't go into detail over the things we've tried to get him to sleeping through the night, but basically we have tried everything you could possibly think of and done it all to the letter. I've now managed to whittle him down to waking just twice a night, and when he does wake he makes himself frightened if we're not in the room with him. So I'm now telling him that he has to read himself to sleep so that I can go back to bed. It seems to be working...

The thing is he's one of those kids who can work himself into a frenzy - he sometimes makes himself throw up if he doesn't want to eat a food (even a food which he says he enjoys Hmm), or as happens every night, he works himself into a state so that he feels scared without us near. I think the reading thing helps to distract him from his thoughts. Perhaps I should invest in some talking books for nights when he doesn't want to read.

Apart from this he is a lovely, sunny, fun, bright, affectionate and mostly confident child. He's doing well at school and enjoys going there.

So I'm curious as to whether anyone else has/ knows a child like this? When I tell people about the sleeping problems I get 'the look' which says 'Clearly you're doing something wrong as parents'. Which isn't true - at least, it's not the cause but I can't be bothered explaining that to people any more! Surely we're not alone?

I'm wondering whether anyone else has a child that thinks themselves into a frenzy and has trouble sleeping/ any other effects of the overthinking thing.

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MayaAngelCool · 11/02/2012 01:02

swanker - you could try the meditation cd - it has amazing reviews on Amazon. See Rachel's post. Good luck!

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DioneTheDiabolist · 11/02/2012 01:20

I haven't read it. I just know that what I would have liked from my parents was not challenge, or rationalization, or ridicule. Just a reality and logic I could believe in. Which was, "Im not sure what will happen, but I will always love you and you are smart and you will work it out and I will always be there for you and your children".

It sounds so obvious, but it has taken me nearly 40years to work out what I needed to hear. And to achieve anything.

My folks are lovely, they grew up surviving. Thank fuck.

I didn't fit into that. Or into school. Or into society.

I don't fit in now. But that's ok. I am me. I get by. And I am still me.

BelaLug0si · 11/02/2012 01:54

Hum so in answer they weren't cuddly more the stiff upper lip type (DM has improved over the yrs) & it would have helped if they had been IYSWIM?
Listening to the world service has always helped me go to sleep, a radio/mp3 that switches off after awhile is really good.

Dione - I don't fit in either. It generally doesn't bother me as its just the way life is. Realisation came about 6 or 7 but acceptance a bit later.

Mayangelcool you sound lovely and really supportive of your DS, I wish my parents had been like that when I was his age. In fairness to them I was pretty challenging - reading lots gave me independent thought from an early age and led to many disagreements with me pointing out they were wrong. Blush

Maybe reading the book you are will help me? :-) working stuff through with your DS sounds really good

MayaAngelCool · 11/02/2012 20:16

Well your last posts, Dione and Bela, were both sad (because of the low level of parental sensitivity) and uplifting (because despite that, you are at peace with who you are. I've learned so much from you and the other wise posters on this thread, thanks to everyone who gave such thoughtful advice.

DS really enjoyed "going on an adventure" with the meditation cd last night, so we'll monitor it and, if it helps him to relax (he very sweetly demonstrated his powers of relaxing deep breathing this evening!) an, most importantly, to sleep, then I shall buy up the whole cd collection!

We're also revisiting the mattress on our floor idea in the hope that when he does wake, he'll slip into it without a fuss.

As for eating, I'm going to have stern words with DH about not badgering DS to eat, and we'll go back to the hands-off at mealtimes approach.

Thank you all so much!

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MayaAngelCool · 11/02/2012 20:18

Bela - there's a Highly Sensitive Person book as well. I think you'll find it a really interesting and uplifting read.

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RachelHRD · 12/02/2012 21:07

Any luck with the CD Maya? Hope it has helped!

MayaAngelCool · 13/02/2012 01:21

Thanks for asking, Rachel! The jury's out at the mo. He loves going on an adventure at bedtime, and I'm not sure whether this is a blessing or a curse for a child with a big imagination! Wink

On night 1 he was getting used to it, so fair dos. Last night he was sick, so obviously sleep training was a write-off. Now I'm sitting in his room with Christiane chattering on my phone as I type. I think he might have fallen asleep fairly quickly as he's not said a word for 5 mins, which is unusual! But now DD is stirring, so I need to sit still and not risk waking her fully! Am hiding behind a cupboard so she doesn't see me...

Fingers crossed for progress with this one.

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MayaAngelCool · 13/02/2012 01:35

YES!! He's definitely asleep! Woo-hoo! Grin

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SuiGeneris · 13/02/2012 05:21

Glad to read it is working out. I was similar to your DS as a child (woke up and then had trouble going back to sleep if worried). Reading was good, as was trying to do something complicated in mind. I used to love mental arithmetics, so maybe I would build odd sequences or multiplication etc... Being at a convent school and being very sceptical I also decided (aged 7) that the nuns' benevolent recommendations of saying prayers if I found myself awake were probably mostly about distraction and doing something difficult (was not v good at the more unusual prayers) so switched to the poems I liked best. At the time in my country primary aged children had to learn a new poem by heart every week, so was never short of material. I know learning by heart is not so popular here, but you could try buying him one of the children's anthologies and tart learning poems together during the day, so at night he can repet hem by himself in the dark (trouble wih reading is that if the book is interesting you can stay awake for a while)?

MayaAngelCool · 13/02/2012 13:35

I like that idea, Sui. He loves rhymes and patterns, and he's always enjoyed the children's poems I've shared with him.

What's nice is that I'm currently getting back into a love of poetry as well, so it could be a mother-son thing. Smile

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