Is it normal 4yo behaviour to think that boys are more intelligent than girls??

[naturopath]

Basically, my 4yo ds seems to think that boys are 'better' than girls - and by this I mean more intelligent.

An example - girl came over today to play with him - they are in the same class at school and exactly the same age. I think her reading and writing skills are better than his, although his language (the way he articulates thoughts) may be more advanced than hers .. tbh, I've never even given this a second's thought, but did today after he was doing an activity in a book, and whenever I asked him to let her have a go, his reasoning for not letting her share was that she would find it too difficult and wouldn't understand, and that he would have to explain to her what to do..

So - do you think this is:
(a) his (cleaver?) way of getting out of sharing?
(b) his genuine assumptions (surely wrong) stemming from himself / cultural stereotyping / wherever?
(c) his father (my dh) subtly or not-so subtly indoctrinating with him with the idea that boys are better and cleverer than girls? (I'm sure I've heard him saying this / joking about this before).

He cannot have got the idea from me as I am a well-educated professional, who works full time, and who talks intelligently to my children (not showing off, just giving the full background). I have told him quite a few times before that girls and women are just as clever and just as good at doing things as boys / men and that maybe when he is older his wife might work like mummy etc. etc.

Have others had similar experiences? Will he grow out of it??

Its OK, the girls think the same but the other way round.

In fact I'm not sure it gender related, all 4 and 5 year olds think they know it all and no one else can possibly know how to anything as well as they can.

that's a good point actually, because when I said to the girl- 'you understand what to do don't you? I think you do know how to do this just as well as he does right?' (it wasn't too difficult - it was a fair assumption to make, given that I know her quite well and know her abilities).. she smiled at me a few times and said, yes, I know what to do - she clearly thought that she could do it just as well as him and was just being polite - in fact she probably knew she could do it better than him!

I think kids this age just think they're the best so assume that the opposite gender is slightly inferior. My boys were the same. I just did double takes and teased them a lot about how women and girls were the greatest as evidenced by their dearest mama until they got to the stage when they said it with irony just to annoy me.

Its normal for children this age to have strong in-group preferences so a boy will tend to think that other boys are generally a cut above everyone else, particularly boys in the same ethnic group or who wear the same clothes and are in the same class.

I wouldn't take it seriously. Girls think they are better and so do boys. They change their minds later!

Not all of them change their minds exotic !

I suppose the reason this is getting to me (slightly) is that I think dh genuinely thinks that men are superior to women (even though I graduated with a better degree than him, work in similar job at similar level etc.) .. so on the one hand I think this is normal, and on the other hand, I don't want this childish assumption to become ingrained (as it might, if he listens to his father)..

I think the problem is your D(?)H not your DS

Well, yes, but that's a whole different thread ..!

My ds thinks women are more clever than men as I'm the one explaining a lot to him. His Aunty is a doctor and another one a professor.
And dad did not know some facts about the moon that I had just learnt from Dr Brian Cox!!
But, then says that boys in general are far better in so many ways than girls in his class, apart from and * who are well cool.
He's 5, bless.

Does dh say that to your ds naturopath? If so you then that is going to be a problem.

otherwise, it is totally normal - I'm a primary teacher and used to hear it all the time!

Ah - good point Wowoo - he has recently extolled the virtues of X and Y girls in his class who can read and write particularly well- forgot about that - so all hope is not lost!

I can't really remember if dh has actually said that to ds - I just know that (a) he thinks it and (b) he has joked around the subject before .. you never know what is being taken seriously (dh does have a joking / serious boundary issue - sometimes you aren't sure which is which with him)..

It's normal but needs to be squished.

Did he actually say she would find it too difficult because she was a girl? Or might he in fact have said exactly the same thing to avoid a boy getting a go? It seems a little bit paranoid to me, unless he was explicit, that you think he was saying that simply because she was a girl, particularly if she was a girl he presumably likes enough to do a play date with? (Or was that under duress?!).

well, maybe I was wrong for putting ideas into his head, but after he had said it a few times (i.e. she will find it too difficult) I tentatively said - are you saying that because she's a girl or because you think she's too young or what? and he said, it's because she's a girl.

I know I shouldn't rally have interfered - tbh they spent the next hour happily doing puzzles together, but I was interested and also a bit annoyed at him! (for the girl's sake (she wasn't particularly bothered though) and for my own as a women representing the female gender generally!

playdate wasn't under duress - I suggested and he happily said yes - they like playing together.

I never take that sort of remark seriously-it gives it too much importance. I just make some off the cuff, light-hearted, comment that shows I think it is a nonsense.