Three year old DD afraid of child at nursery

[NomNomDePlum]

i wonder if anyone has any advice on dealing with this? dd is a pretty sensitive child, has a new little sister and has recently started articulating that she is afraid of things - we have had a number of conversations about a smelly troll, and how we won't let him go in her room, for example. but the child at nursery has been a bit of an issue for a while, he is a bit bigger than her (younger, though, i think) and he has pretty violent tantrums.

there were a few incidents with hitting and pushing, which i think haven't happened again since i talked to the staff, but now she's conscious of being afraid, she is anticipating that he will be violent, even though the staff are clearly on top of it. i'm just wondering how i can help to reassure her?

hi ive no real advice for you but just wanted to empathise.
my 3yr old dd had much the same thing with a little boy at toddlers
hes younger than her but very boisterous&bullish
he pinned her in corner&hit her&wouldnt let her out
so now shes afraid of him&thinks 'the red boy'(he happened to be wearing a red top!)will be wherever we go!!

babyjane
thanks for replying. i told her today that she didn't have to play with him, and that she could just go and do something else if he was bothering her; i don't reallu know what else to tell her. i hope you can convince your dd that the red boy isn't really everywhere..

Speak to the staff again and let them know that this is still upsetting your child and they will keep a close eye to make sure they are kept apart.
I work in a nursery and your childs need reassuring by the staff that she will be safe and must come and tell them if she is being bothered by this child or if this child has an out burst that may upset her that they distract her whilst it is going on.
Eventually when she becomes more confident that she is not going to be hurt by him the staff should start encouraging them to do activities along side each other (not together at first but part of a small group) to build her confidence up and eventually do something together.
All done over a period of time and at your childs pace.

gitinora - thanks for that, that's incredibly helpful - we don't feel that just telling her to avoid him entirely is really a solution as she needs to learn to handle this herself in a positive way. I think the staff would be willing to support her - although I get the impression (despite their professionalism) that this boy is pretty challenging for them to handle too

Ds was a bit like this turning 3 - every time I picked him up from nursery he would point at pics of children over their pegs in the corridor and say 'Big $Name hit me. Big $Name is scary. But Little $Name didn't hit me.'

I talked to nursery about it and they could confirm that the two of them hadn't even been in the same room for a few weeks and even frequently that none of the three $Names had been in that day, but they and I worked to roleplay with ds and encourage him to shout "Don't hit me!" and if scared to walk away and say "No hitting! I'm being gentle!"
He's been fine for a few months now, after a couple months of it being on his mind. I'm not sure exactly what phrases nursery have taught him as I'm going by how he roleplays now with his toys, telling one not to hit another.

I second the rleplay...it's awful when they're afraid of another child...but definitely tell her keyworker...poor little thing. I remember a child I went to receptio with absolutely terrified me and tht was 33 years ago!