When do you step in to stop your kids fighting?

[sallymonella]

I have 2 DS's, aged 5 and 7. They spend a lot of time play fighting. My question is... should I just let them get on with it, providing neither of them is killing the other, or should I be stepping in to stop it?

Although it is only play fighting, it always ends with one of them crying and me saying 'well, you shouldn't play silly games'. It's usually the youngest and then I think that maybe I should have stopped it before it ended in tears. But they do seem to love it...

OK I have two DS, 4 and 6. They really don't playfight a lot as I really really try to discourage it, but I have a friend whose two boys went through a phase of play fighting a lot, now they are 6 and 8 and they don't do it anymore. So it depends if you want to take the more relaxed approach, which probably works but is really really anoying for a while, or like me a bit stuck up and I just don't let them do it at all. They still do it but like you, I say 'if you fight and someone gets hurt, he won't get a cuddle'. I have a bit of a zero tolerence to fighting but I think both approaches have their positive side!

Quite quickly, and so did my mother who brought up three sons successfully. We both had the attitude that we don't like fighting so shouldn't have to be exposed to it in our own homes.

I don't think I am desperately over-protective or want to keep them wrapped in cotton wool, I just view it like nose-picking or some other annoying habit that comes naturally to young children but aren't much fun for anybody else to have to watch. If they want adventure and risk taking they can go out and climb a tree.

I never allowed it. Full stop.

I agree with Blueberry too. I think there is no correct response. It will depend on lots of things.

"When do you step in to stop your kids fighting?"

when there's blood

Not initially, but always reminding them that if one person is getting hurt, it's gone too far, and it must stop. I think if I intervene too soon, it doesn't help them to learn to listen to eachother, or where the line is between something that's fun and something that is causing hurt, or how to resolve problems themselves. On the other hand, if it's always the same child who's getting hurt (usually the littler one IME) or coming off worse, then it isn't really fair is it, and it could be seen as sibling bullying.

Difficult one, and each situation may need to be handled differently.

Sorry, I forgot I started this thread!

Thanks for your opinions ladies. I think my attitude is similar to yours UC. I want them to learn where the line is, IYSWIM. But also, like Blueberry and Pag say, I don't think that there is a right and wrong answer, it entirely depends on circumstances. I just wondered if there was any theory (right word?) on whether or not they should fight - sort of like when puppies play fight? (and yes, I realise they're not dogs!) Whether there is something important to be learned from it?

Poledra -

i read a theory which is that you should let boys play fight (play being operative word) - they burn off necessary energy, use their bodies in an intense physical way (which they need), learn physical self control, learn about peoples boundaries and learn to respect "no".

Thanks cuppa, I thought I half remembered something like that, and will now use it to justify my laziness parenting style!

To be honest, it just seems to me like something that boys should be doing, to a certain extent. I don't know why I feel like that, it's just a gut feeling. Maybe a throw back to our past?

I have two DS 14 and 13 and they still play (knock lumps out of each other) fight. I think it is something they sort of "need" to do. I certainly step ins though before it gets to much. I do remember they had a short period were they watched, wrestling, power rangers and I stopped them watching shows like that and it massively decreased. However at `14 and 13 i do let them watch things like wrestling and I expect them to understand that is entertainment not real life, they aint killed each other yet!!

One funny image to leave you with, when about 7 and 8 they had a bath together the youngest winding up is brother said he had a wee in the bath, My oldest was so disgusted he jumped out the bath, I lifted the youngest out and went to run another bath to find them scrapping about the floor . I discovered that day it is IMPOSSIBLE to separate naked wet boys fighting!!