Behaviour at mealtimes

[Melanie150410]

My 21 month old daughter continues to turn her plate of food upside down, falling either on her tray or on the floor. She also spits her food out when she's decided that she's had enough, maybe after a couple of mouthfulls. Despite us telling her that it is wrong to do so; she persists - and we don't fuss over her by giving her food we think she'll eat as an alternative. As soon as she does either of these we bring it to her attention that it is wrong, give her a chance to eat properly and if she doesn't we move her to the naughty spot. However this doesn't seem to be working and I'd value your suggestions and strategies which may have worked for you.

I think at 21 months maybe you are expecting a bit too much of her. I am all for teaching children good manners, and how to sit and eat, but moving her to the naughty spot seems a bit much for such a young child. I would just give her small amounts of food at a time to minimise the potential mess, and if she tips it up, tell her no, clear up and start again without making an issue of it. Or you could try doing away with the plate for a while and put her food straight on to the tray. She will get there eventually!

Try encouraging the good behaviour and not making too much of a fuss over the bad behaviour for a while.

For example, when DD throws her beaker on the floor, we pick it up and tell her to try and keep it on the table. If she keeps on dropping it or banging ot on the table, we just move it out of her way,

I think that she is too young for naughty spots.
I would just ignore her. Carry on eating yourself and pay no attention. If she starts to make a fuss and tell you it is on the floor -pick it up and give it back.
(keep a cloth underneath so it is clean).
I hate the term BLW, but make sure it is all stuff she can manage herself and leave her to get on with it.
If she doesn't make a fuss let her get down.

She is getting lots of attention for negative behaviour.

I meant to say -she won't starve herself.

in jo frost's (supernanny, famous for naughty step or spot routines) recent book she says naughty step or spot shouldn't start before 2.5! because right and wrong are vague concepts at best at 21m, and you should just be telling her 'no' calmly and moving the offending item away. At that age they do start to refuse food or decide they don't like things they have previously eaten, my DS is 27m and went fairly fussy from 18m on, and he used to drop food/plates and soon stopped it when he got the same calm but firm 'no we don't do that with food'. You can't make them eat everything, best to keep calm and carry on, otherwise food and mealtimes will become a battleground...... best of luck :)

Agree with the others. I thin she's a bit young at 21m to worry about table manners - that can come in a year or so. At this age, the most important thing is that she's eating a healthy balanced diet. IME the children who are made to be neat and not allowed to experiment with their food are more likely to be fussy eaters!

My 22 months old does this. If I reprimand him he does it more so I just ignore. He's my third so I know he'll grow out of it. Don't sweat the small stuff - it's totally normal.

I would tell her no with a stern face then ignore her. If she is obviously just playing with the food and keeps throwing it etc I would take it away. She would eat it if it she was that hungry. If you react in a big way and try to persuade her to eat then it all becomes part of the entertainment. Eventually she will understand that food is for eating and if she mucks about a lot the food will disappear and she will have to wait until the next meal.

This sounds exactly like my DS! I wouldn't worry, it just stopped by itself. I just said no calmly each time and took the food away. He only really did it then when he'd had enough to eat after that because he didn't want to starve but I got pretty good at spotting the evil glint and catching the plate in mid air

Throwing food gets one warning, next time meal is over. We've done this since he started to feed himself (he's now 26 months). I can honestly say that since the first few weeks he has thrown food maybe a couple of times. He knows exactly what will happen! I have no issue with him playing with /exploring his food, but I will not tolerate him throwing it. Nor do I tell him off if it's spilt/dropped by accident.

(And before you all tell me I'm cruel and evil when he was younger I would give him something more substantial at snack time and maybe earlier than usual)

I have a 1 yr old who has been throwing food for a while now. I've been advised to say no firmly when it happens & take the food away. I've also been told its normal behaviour & to let him get on with it.....confused!! I have really shouted no to him recently to which point my child got upset, but I was pushed to my limit with the food throwing. I don't know what I should be doing & feel I'm giving out mixed messages. Also, at the age of 1 he's not going to understand what I'm trying to imply anyway is he? Please advise as I'm tearing my hair out & dread mealtimes.

I dont agree with most of the other posters at all. If you dont want your DC to turn her plate over you should prevent it from happening. Theres absolutely no reason thqt you cant stop a child of under two from turning her plate over. I think Thistle is on the right lines. Id end the meatime or give her a small amount at a time. Her age isnt too young for the naughty step in my view but I wouldnt use it for this, you need to be more powerful and she might not make the link which is key for the naughty step to work.

Piggy, he is 1. Let him eat what he wants, tell him no but do not get angry. Be patient. Buy a broom. He is learning about so many things...texture, sound, consequence, just let him explore. My dd is 1 too. Bowls get flipped over, spoons go on the floor but in between she is attempting to scoop with her spoon, and she knows bowls are a vessel for food. So what if we finish off y scooping off the tray? It hasn't hurt me or her, and she has enjoyed her dinner. I encourage all her good behaviour, and shake head and say no to deliberate throwing, but what's the point in shouting, it just makes mealtimes stressful and something for kids to resent.

Oh and piggy, ration food portions so he cannot play with food whilst chewing etc. a few pieces at a time helps manage the playful behaviour.

Coraltoes - thanks for the advice. How do you deal with food throwing when you are eating out?

I agree ladyintheradiator.
When eating out you just have to supervise more closely and don't give them much at once.