My 6 yr old .... a bad influence?

[jen333]

My dd's best friend, at school today, told her that her mum has a new rule ... not to play with my dd so much. I feel really sad about this ... and why? Should I approach the mum and ask her? I had been told by their teacher that they were always together and that it was a positive thing.

I doubt it's a "bad influence" from what you've said. If it's not to play so much it may just be that they are so close it's effecting relationships with other girls.

I think it's not best of her to tell her dd to do that without discussing it with you, or the teacher, but it may be that her dd was upset by something your dd did, or her dd/your dd has misinterpreted something.

Hi DeW Yes I think you're right - my dd has a lot of close friends in the class and she can be quite bossy though extremely well behaved (at school). Maybe her Mum just wants her to play more with others. Difficult to tell your child such things though - they always come out at that age.

Social relationships with girls of 6/7 seem to be so complex - they can get so upset over little things and yet they generally blow over so quickly. I do try to stay out of such things as much as I can.

did the girl say her mum had said dd is a bad influence? as it may not be that, my dd complains no end about one of the girls she plays with daily, some times it gets so much that I say to dd she should not play with this girl so much, I have not discussed it with the other girls mum as I dont think her dd is doing anything wrong particularly, just that her and dd rub each other up the wrong way and clash at times. Maybe it is not as much a personal thing as it would seem.

Even if it is that she thinks your dd is a bad influence I would not take that personally either, my bestfriends dd is a bad influence and I often have to warn dd prior to meeting what I expect from her and sadly I do say I dont want you behaving like X, if I warn you to stop something you stop straight away, as the other child is particularly badly behaved, I do not have anything against her she is in the whole a lovely girl, but also recognise that I dont want dd influenced by her.

Hi Festi No, I don't think that the Mum had said she was a bad influence - those are my 'jump to conclusion' words. I guess it is more likely that her mum is hoping that she makes a wider group of friends and develops more confidence - my dd can be bossy and generally wants to be in charge. I guess I can understand such feelings but I think Mum's should try to keep their distance unless the teacher is concerned or their dd is getting upset ..... maybe she is ... if that's the case perhaps I should know?

Hi jen, I wouldn't take this too personally. If the other girl was really upset I'm sure her mum would have spoken to the teacher, not her DD. I think you are probably right when you say the other mum is hoping that her DD makes a wider group of friends and gain confidence.

Try to put yourself in the other mum's shoes. Imagine if you had a shy DD who had a close relationship with a confident / bossy girl and you felt your DD was a bit overshadowed by this other girl. You wouldn't want to approach the other mum (IME it is a very awkward conversation to have with another mum, as we all tend to get defensive about your own children), or the teacher (if there was no serious issue involved), would you? So that's probably why she's said this to her DD.

I agree with you that the mums should keep their distance if possible and let the kids get on with it. Just tell your DD to play with whoever she likes, and to let this other girl choose too. I'm sure this will blow over soon.

If you are still upset or worried about this talk to the teacher on Monday and Im sure she will offer some reasurance. as you are right the mum should probably not have said this to her daughter, but I would imagine she was not betting on her telling your dd.

Agree with the others that it was probably the mum wanting the child to branch out a bit more. I suggested same to my dd at that age. She is v quiet and seemed a bit overwhelmed by her much louder friend, I used to encourage her to seek out friendships with other (quieter) girls. Never occurred to me that it could be repeated in any negative sense, though we talk about that too, about what things might be better said only to grown ups or being careful of feelings.

See how it goes for the next few days, they might manage this well on their own.

Thanks everyone I agree that I would feel the same if I felt my daughter was spending too much time with just one girl, but I'm not sure I would want to interfere, I might just reduce playdates, but trying to influence who plays with who etc. during school time is a tricky one. I shall ask their teacher, during general parent/teacher session if she has any concerns re: friendships.