Baby sleeping problems!

[RachelG]

Hello

This is my first post on mumsnet, and I hope someone can help.

I'm a single Mum with a 17 week old boy, and I'm wondering if anyone knows any way of helping him to sleep. He's fully breast fed, and I'd like it to stay that way - but hopefully start weaning in the next few weeks.

Basically he goes to sleep well at night, but wakes every 2 hours for feeds. He likes to snack rather than feed properly, and will only suck for a few minutes. The longest he's ever slept is 3 hours. I've tried giving lots of feeds during the day to fill him up - no difference. I've also tried making him go 3 full hours between feeds in the day, to encourage him to have proper "meals" rather than frequent "snacks" - again no difference.

He had a nasty cold a couple of months ago, necessitating small frequent feeds, and now it seems to be a habit he can't break. And I'm sure that's why he won't sleep for long - he's used to having a snack every couple of hours.

My health visitor's advice is the same as for everything else - leave him to cry. But I'd rather not do that if at all possible.

Does anyone have any ideas? I'm so tired of hearing people telling how their baby sleeps through the night!

Thanks very much

Rachel

Have you tried a dummy?

I have a baby of the same age but basically she only sleeps for 3-4 hours at a stretch - the dummy helps to eke it out to this length but it took a while to persuade her to take it.

Not very helpful I'm afraid but the best I can offer! Other than that, time will change things, I promise!

Rachel - hard isn't it honey?

My DS1 woke every hour for 13months for a feed (was breast fed also)! I was exhausted. Take some of the fun out of being a mum doesn't it?

Like you I couldn't just let them cry, it's not in my nature. All I can say is it will get better, maybe when your DS has started on some solids.
Does he have a dummy? I found that mine was waking for a comfort suck rather than a feed (but he wouldn't take a dummy so it was just me).

RachelG, I feel for you. I don't think it is advisable to practice CIO on a 17 week bubba. Most experts would advise waiting till at least 6 months.

Dd was a frequent night-waker and snacker. It is just her nature. If your ds was meant to sleep well, he would. I don't think it depends on what you did or did not - unless you are going to do something drastic like CIO but then, opinions can get quite heated on that. I also don't think it is possible for a baby this young to pick up bad habits! They are what they are.

I too tried to stretch it out between feeds, but never worked. Dd just got so upset. It could be comfort feeding as well. By 5 months, I just took my dd to bed with me and bf-ed her lying down. We are still happily co-sleeping even though she is no longer nursing. But see how you feel - I know co-sleeping also evokes strong emotions!

Thank you so much for your replies - it's good to know I'm not alone in this. It's easy to feel like the only Mum whose baby doesn't sleep through. I almost dread the postnatal group get-togethers, as everyone seems so smug about their baby's sleeping habits!

Sorry to be dense, but can I ask what CIO is?

Thanks again

Rachel

Acronym for "crying-it-out" - essentially what your HV advised.

If you are not already it might be worth trying a baby sleeping bag/ grow bag as I had a similar problem with night time waking and baby now sleeps through.

maybe your baby just isn't ready to sleep through. Some don't til later on. None of mine stopped feeding in the night until they were at least 8 months. Is he a small baby? - if so he might have a small tummy which is why he can't take a large feed. Is he a big baby? - If so maybe he is a hungry boy! Not much help I know. Ignore people whose babies sleep through early - I know I felt like poking them all in the eye!

Rachel - you are sooo not alone in this! (and it's comforting to know that neither am I!)
My ds was only waking once for a while there, now he's nursing hourly it seems. Like you I can't let him cry.
No suggestions for you I'm afraid. Although I find keeping him in bed with me helps, I can still half sleep while he eats.
Blueshoes - you're absolutly right about babies and habits. I'm tired of people saying otherwise. And even more tired of people (my MIL) saying he's playing me up. He's only 4 months old - he hasn't learned to be devious yet ffs!!

Rachel, this is always hard. I got through it by sharing a bed with my babies, so I didn't have to get out of bed to feed them. Much less work for everyone.

By the way, if you can, it's best to wait, before giving solids, until 6 months. Better for baby, better for you, and less work, too!

That's bf boys for you!!I was in a similar situation with my ds (now nearly 7mths) & can still remember how draining it was. Its also so frustrating when everyone else's baby seems to sleep through.GRRRR! I also bf but did start weaning at 4mths (I know the advice but...) following GF's LB bk of weaning. Jusy purees & baby rice. The 1st day he took rice was the 1st night he slept 10.30pm-7am!

In the meantime it might be that he's just waking up from habit. Maybe try settling him with a quick cuddle, no milk. Some suggest giving cool boiled water but ds wouldn't take it. A gro-bag as s o else suggested, well tucked in with a thin sheet over the top so he can;t kick about too much might help. Maybe alo try playing some quiet music (if you can stand it!). There's a CD called 'Swimming with Fishes' thats quite soothing.

Hang on in there - it won't last forever - my ds sleeps like an angel 7-7 now. There's hope ahead!!

help I need some advice. My daughter is 5 months old and has been a great sleeper up to now!1 She is bottle fed and has slept through since she was 6 weeks old, settling at 7 then sleeping for 11-12 hours. Just before xmas she started stirring in the night so I started weaning thinking she was hungry(she was 21 weeks old). She has taken to this really well but has continued to wake duing the night. Most of the time she doesn't even cry but babbles!! Last night this went on for 3 hours! She has a dummy and we have tried putting that in but out it comes. She has recently moved into her own room. Any suggestions??

It isn't solids that make babies sleep through. It is the ability to get back off to sleep. You cannot fill a baby's tummy up to last him 12 hours. At some point they will feel hungry - some time in the early hours - same as we do. At this point they may stir and wake momentarily. If they can go back off to sleep when this happens they will sleep through. If they can't get back off to sleep on their own then they will cry out for you. So, it doesn't matter how much brest milk or formula or solids you get in them, that is not what will make the difference!

Good luck to you.

Kellydaisy at her sleeping through so early! Lucky you! Mine have all babbled for hours at a end through the night at some point. sorry, no tips. Sadly I don't think there is anything you can do. Just try and ignore otherwise you will set up a sleep problem! ie, if she gets used to you going in on her every so often she will start to demand your presence! Is she warm enough? If she is happy just leave her and pray she will stop soon!

aaagh! "brest" ??? I meant breast, obviously!

Hi. DD2 slept through from 11 weeks due to a great book (which I used for DD1 - worked within a week). Its call 'How to solve your sleeping problems' by Dr Richard Ferber. Really good.

Hi Rachel and welcome

I have another keen night-time snacker here and I have coped by sharing a bed, so I never have to get up in the night. When he was little I found I could doze through feeds, and as he gets older, we negotiate, so he doesn't feed every time and can sometimes get back to sleep by himself (my ds is a toddler now but hopefully you won't have to wait so long for this stage )

I think helping a baby back to sleep, by breastfeeding or cuddling, is a kind and loving way to help them on the road to sleeping independently. This stage won't last for ever, and you are not doing anything wrong by helping them when they are too little to be able to put themselves back to sleep.

Can I add my agreement to trying to wait a while before weaning? It won't necessarily solve your sleep problems and could perhaps make them worse.

As you are on your own I think having disturbed nights will be even harder for you so make sure you go to bed as early as you can stand it (no staying up all night on Mumsnet now )

p.s. half of the smug mums will be lying about their babies sleeping through - this should be essential knowledge for every new parent.

Good point that weaning might upset their sleeping, it did with mine (sorry Rachel NOT what you want to hear). But he had been a great sleeper then as we moved to solids it seemed to disrupt his system so he'd wake up at night farting away. Was almost funny (except not at 3 a.m.)
I found the Dream Feed idea worked quite well (you feed them asleep before they wake up) it seemed to make mine go for a few hours more and also a sleeping bag in this cold also made a big difference. Well I think, of course it might all have been coincidence!

Hi Rachael, just to let you know my dd is exactly the same at 8 months! (sorry, not what you want to hear!). She has been doing this since around 5 months and weaning made no difference at all. If I try not feeding we all just end up awake for hours- not necessarily distressed (well not dd anyway!) just awake and wanting to play. If I feed it takes max 10 mins and she's straight out. I keep hearing sleeping through is just another developmental milestone and they'll reach it when they are ready. Just know you are not alone and follow your instincts.

Rachel, my DS is 10 months and has only recently started sleeping through. At about 8 months he started sleeping until 5am ish (from 6.30pm) and then just before Xmas he started sleeping until 6.15am on the dot. We've had a week of bad nights this week as he's got a bad cold and I think he may be teething again but I'm trying not to stress as I know now from experience, he'll just do it when he's ready again (hopefully tonight ).

In my ante-natal group, my DS was one of the good ones and lots of the other babies (mostly older than my DS) still don't sleep through or have only recently started doing so. Don't believe everything people tell you. I think most mums just don't want to admit to a non-sleeping baby, like it reflects badly on them or something

Rachel, also meant to add that my DD (now aged 8) slept 12 hours from when she was 12 weeks old and I was so proud of what a good mother I was . DS was a big shock to the system and soon put me straight. Each baby is different and they do things how they want, when they want. If any of your friends do have babies going through and are smug, just sit back and smile as their time will come - just like mine did

Rachel he sounds similar to my ds, also 17 weeks.

He wakes at least twice in the night, sometimes more, and needs a feed every three hours. I've found it easier to cope with it the last week by accepting that that's just the way he is, and ignoring all the well meaning but irritating advice/comments about how he should be sleeping through by now. Rubbish, adults all sleep differently, why shouldn't babies.

I've also had pressure to start weaning "that'll help him sleep better" but have read enough times on here that it's a myth, so will be holding off weaning till the 6 months mark.

If you aren't happy with the CIO, don't do it, despite what other people say. You're his mum and it it doesn't feel right to you, then it's not right for you.

Do you feel as though you are producing enough milk for a full feed? I went through a snacking phase with ds where i felt he could only feed for a few minutes because I was only producing enough to last him that long. In the end i resorted to feeding him constantly for a day, to try and stimulate more milk production, basically he drank it as soon as it was produced, he went down for a sleep at night and when he eventually woke up for a feed I could tell the difference, I had loads of milk, he had a good long feed and hasn't snacked since.

To all the people in the world who have ever considered that they may not be producing enough milk, don't entertain that thought unless you have had your milk scientifically measured in quanitative and qualitative terms!