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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

what to do with a baby who is always screaming the house down!!!

36 replies

em222 · 26/01/2012 19:47

HELP! what is you do to keep your baby happy during the day, i literally can not do anything without my 5 month old screaming. The only time he shuts up is when he is being walked in his pram or being walked around the house. i have been trying to leave him to cry it out but after so long he starts choking and gagging he gets himself so worked up. I am starting to get a bit angry i have to leave the room. Health visitor sais stay calm! ok i have tried to for the past 5 months but not anymore its really getting to me but what can i do?? i tried teething gel incase thats bothering him now, but nothings changed, i have a 2 year old aswell but he was never like this! so what to do???

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BoysAreLikeDogs · 26/01/2012 19:55

Oh please don't leave him to cry it out
Get a sling
He wants to be near you

fishyonadishy · 26/01/2012 19:56

Have you got a jumperoo or a door bouncer or anything like that?

SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 26/01/2012 20:01

Is he happy when you're nearby? Can he be in the same room as you, or does there have to be physical contact?

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 26/01/2012 20:03

oh the wee soul, it sounds upsetting for both of you. do you have a sling? or if you can get a recommendation for a cranio-sacral chiropractor that would be worth investigating.

RitaMorgan · 26/01/2012 20:09

If he's happy being walked round the house then I'd try a sling. Is he quite stable holding his head up? If you get something like a Beco then he can go on your back and out of the way.

Sticking DS on my back is the one thing guaranteed to keep him happy even now, and he's 18 months!

StarlightMcKenzie · 26/01/2012 20:12

Are you sure he isn't hungry?

JiltedJohnsJulie · 26/01/2012 20:13

em really symathise with you as this was exactly the same as my DS, the only time he was happy was when he was in my arms or in the pram, being pushed around. I can understand you getting angry too, think you are really brave to admit it, but after 5 months of screaming I was getting cross sometimes too.

If you are getting upset, make sure he is safe and leave the room for 2 minutes. Letting him cry it out will only make the situation worse in the long run but if you are getting cross you need to leave the room straightaway.

If he wants carrying all the time, he needs the comfort of you. Have you got or can you borrow a sling? Is there a slingmeet near to you where you could try some out?

Is there someone who can give you a break? Does the older child go to pre-school or nursery or can someone take them both out for an hour or two for you?

How is feeding going and how are the nights?

Ring the GP in the morning and get the doctor to check over him over, I think after 5 months you need to rule out any medical reasons like food intolerance or silent reflux.

Give Cry-sis a ring too, they are open until 10pm tonight. You aren't alone and they are there to help .

Original poster

em222 · 26/01/2012 20:15

yeah i have a sling i bought it ages ago and tried that but he hates it its like a wrap thing sort of sling, even if i am in the room he will still cry and i do hate leaving him to cry, the first few months i picked him up strait away but now people are telling me its my own fault because i always pick him up. He has a swing that swings all ways but its still no good, i think a jumping door thing could be good for him i didnt even think of buying him one of those thankyou :) he can gaurd the door and not let me out lol

OP posts:

Flisspaps · 26/01/2012 20:16

em222 If you do find yourself feeling angry, then leaving him to cry is the better option, especially if it's just until you compose yourself.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 26/01/2012 20:21

em in no way is this your fault. You haven't made a "rod for your own back". Babies need love and by picking up your baby you've done everything right.

If its any consolation my DS who was exactly the same is now nearly 8. He's happy, bright, socialable in fact he's everything you'd want a little boy to be. There is an end to it and by responding to his needs you are doing exactly the right thing .

SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 26/01/2012 20:22

I think you've done a brave thing admitting how it makes you feel, and leaving him in a safe place once you've exhausted all possible reasons for him crying is the best thing to do for your own sanity.
Maybe trying the sling again?
Ignore the other people.

FooFooForgetMeNot · 26/01/2012 20:23

My 3rd was and is still like this. Mostly it is down to silent reflux. Getting a diagnosis, if it is this, can take persistence. However, I recommend too getting a sling as the warmth will comfort baby if he's in pain, help bring up wind, let him be close to you but also importantly free up your hands. Think some of the softer less structured slings than my Ergo might be better if you want to lounge around with him in a bit more.

I too have given thought to using a cranial osteopath.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 26/01/2012 20:28

it's SO unlikely to be your fault, though, that analysis makes no sense if you have a 2-year-old who isn't like this. google 'high needs baby', i've seen a few people talking about this, in fact i think there might even be a book. some kids are just like this, whether because of a birth injury, reflux or whether they just are more sensitive to things, it's got bog-all to do with you picking him up quickly. (quite the opposite).

i have a friend, by the way, whose wee boy was like this... he just ROARED all teh time when he was a wee baby. grew out of it by nine months or so, iirc.

PacificDogwood · 26/01/2012 20:29

em, my DS1 was a cryer/screamer and almost drove me around the bend - I am not kidding. He is now almost 9, delightful in every respect, but still a drama queen .
I know understand what being a baby must have been like for him so much better: he is very sensitive to sudden noise, movement, any minor hurt (physical and emotional) is a major disaster. He now of course has the ability to express this verbally (still cries a lot, mind) and I now think that being a baby was v frustrating and scary for him. He has no Special Needs and perfectily 'normal', but v intense.
His 12 months younger brother is so relaxed, he is almost horizontal and is unbothered about ruddy everything...

What I am trying to say, children are how they are. I totally agree, responding to his needs is the right thing to do, but so, so hard. In all honesty, my best advice would be to submit to how needy he is just now as best you can and allow time to pass. It DOES get better. It does, honest.
Hard to believe when you are in the thick of it, I know.
Door bouncer sounds like a good idea .

JiltedJohnsJulie · 26/01/2012 20:33

Oh and totally agree with ignoring what people say, its your baby and you decide how to mother him, not others. You could always get a copy of this book and next time they pass comment pass it to them and ask them to read it .

You might want to get this book for yourself and I think the book that Aitch refers to is this one. My friend swore by the Fussy Baby book but think it might be a bit bfing biased.

Original poster

em222 · 26/01/2012 20:42

I have my OH who could help but just does not want to, he never wanted another child so it's kind of like you wanted him you deal with him. ile ask him to take him to give me a break but he just gives him back after a minit or two and sticks some earphones in or carries on with whatever he's doing on the laptop or hes at work he doesn't get home untill around 10.30pm. He definatly won't take them out on his own, he won't even take one so both would be a disaster for him, night time is really good now he used to want feeding every 2 hours untill i upped his milk so now hel struggle through the day without sleeping and sleeps from midnight untill around 8 so thats about the only great thing, i get to sleep enough to cope better now. The only thing left i have been thinking is start weaning maybe but i keep getting told no by health visitors.

OP posts:

PacificDogwood · 26/01/2012 21:49

Fussy baby book was a life-saver for me.

Your OH sounds like a prince , sorry.

IME weaning is unlikely to make a huge difference to him. At 5 months he might be ready to wean, but current evidence suggests that gut maturation for most babies takes to 6 months.

Re sleep: could he be overtired?? And therefore fraught? IME, sleep begat sleep - the more I got DS1 to sleep during the day, the better he slept at night.

But hey ho, who am I to make suggestions: DS4 who was not a screamer, did not sleep through til he was about 20 months and barely sleeps during the day. Gah!

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 26/01/2012 21:58

oh well that's not fair of your OH at all, em. is it a good relationship otherwise?

JiltedJohnsJulie · 27/01/2012 16:52

Well, if he's saying he won't look after DC2 because he didn't want him that doesn't really excuse him from not looking after DC1. Sorry to here that you're not getting much support. Do you get out much or meet friends in the day?

Keep posting and let us know how you are getting on .

StarryFay · 27/01/2012 19:28

Em - I really, really sympathise with you. My DS was exactly like this and it is so, so hard. We took him to the GP and the paediatrician trying to find out if there was anything wrong, but there was nothing so I think it was just his personality. DS is nearly 9 months now and it has got a lot better in the last couple of months or so, now that he can sit up and is starting to crawl. I think those with easy babies just don't understand how hard it can be!

This link summarises the features of a high need baby - I found it really helpful to read this and to know I was not alone: www.askdrsears.com/topics/fussy-baby/high-need-baby/12-features-high-need-baby

If you google 'high need baby support' there are a couple of baby forums with 'high need baby' support groups - just reading some of the threads in there helped me to feel better as I knew I was not alone.

I know you said he didn't like the sling but it might be worth trying a different kind - I would really recommend the Beco Gemini, it's really versatile, they can go on your front (facing in or out), as well as side or back when they're older. You can get it off Amazon.

I would also really recommend the jumperoo - we got it after I posted a similar thread to yours on here and someone recommended it. It was a real life-saver!

As others have said, keep posting and remember it will get better eventually.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 27/01/2012 19:36

Have you tried a crainial osteopath? I know it's ££ - but it's usually ££ well spent!!

Original poster

em222 · 27/01/2012 20:17

our relationship could be alot less stresful if he helped out more, i dont know anyone where i live and i get out once or twice a week to a play session, usually do shopping online, we only moved here so OH could be near work, i looked up the crainial osteopath, is it some kind of massage type therapy? not properly read it all yet, im going to get the jumperoo thing im just going to have to really watch my older boy with him in it, hes very hyper lol

OP posts:

triptrap22 · 27/01/2012 20:25

Poor you, em222. That sounds like hell. I really do recommend that you see your GP though as it does sound like your baby may have silent reflux, as others have suggested here.

This is what my DS had; he screamed non-stop and there was nothing we could do to console him, except for walking him around the house. Fortunately, I had a good GP who referred us to paediatrician and he was diagnosed and treated at 9 weeks.

You have to get help as it is soul-destroying to have a screaming baby. Either see your GP, or as it is the week-end, present yourself at A&E (my HV advised I do this and others I know have done so). Good luck.

bishboschone · 27/01/2012 20:48

Where do you live op? My ds is 7 months but was 2 months prem so I guess about the sane age . He cries a lot . He had bad reflux which is a lot better now . He used to cry much much more when he was younger because his tummy hurt . Would you like to pm me ? We have had lots of contact with Paeds and physio etc .

Laambkins · 27/01/2012 21:57

My first thought was 'is he feeding ok' only because that's what my LO was like, and it turned out she wasn't getting enough milk.

Don't think it's your fault, you're doing what's natural.

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