What do you do when your child refuses dinner?

[Lilliput]

My daughter refused to eat dinner tonight, lovely home made chicken cassarole. she ate a couple of bits of chicken and then cried and cried for something else to eat. I didn't give in because I am fed up with making food that she doesn't eat. She went to bed fine as usual after the dinner time tantrum but I know she must have been hungry. What do other people do when this happens, was I too mean to even give her a yoghurt or a banana? When I was a child it was a case of if you didn't like it, tough.

I've been reduced to tears by this sort of behaviour from 3 yo DS1 I had feeding "issues" with him when he was tiny as he was in intensive care, and I think he knows playing power games with food pushes my buttons. Now, if he doesn't make an effort to eat his food within a reasonable time I wordlessly take it off him and give his little brother praise (and pudding!) for eating his. It does seem to have helped quite a lot. When we were openly battling it out every evening it was driving me into an early grave and doing no good at all. I definitely think taking all the tension out of it by not appearing too "bovvered" is the way forward.

This thread makes me feel better, My dd used to eat really well now 2.9 and I dread mealtimes as she turns her nose up at meals she used to eat, and says in that annoying whingy voice i don't like that. I have manged to stay calm and usually make her eat at least half of it, she complies just or eats just the plain pasta. However the other night I thought right you can go without however it backfired as she woke at 5am next morning, i'm sure cos she was hungry so I will stick to insisting that she eat I do bribe with dessert, I know you shouldn't.

Uh oh Lilliput, did I see the word snacks in your last post? How many are you givin and what are they? I have to say, until very recently when my children became better eaters, snacks were a complete NO-NO in our house. The only food my children ate outside mealtimes was chocolate just before bed and only then if they drank their milk first! Now my 9 yo is beginning to need a bit more and he sometimes sneaks a packet of crisps or some biscuits or even (rarely) some fruit, but as he needs nearly adult sized portions of food at mealtimes, I don't mind. The others sometimes try to jump on the same bandwagon and I allow them to sometimes but they know from years of being told, that they have to eat their meals when they come too.

Can you really not cut out snacks? I get the impression you use snacks as some kind of control mechanism (you said you would have to use major distraction if you cut out snacks). What is that all about?

My 3 year old charge does thsi occasioanlly including last night!

She goes to be with nothing else (except her cup of milk) and when 5 year old brother wants his befroe bed snack (of a snadwich) she wasoffered her tea back again! which she didnt want (cant have been that hungry!)

this morning she did eat up all her breakfast tho!

at the moment shes trying to go from an eat anything girl to a fussy eater! Needless to say mumy and i dont want to encourage that so she gets what shes given (all nice deliciouse food that she has eaten lots of times etc!) and eats it or goes hungry!

should have said goes to bed apologies for all other spelling mistakes!

My dd 2.11 has always been a very fussy eater - she lives on fruit, jam sandwiches ( wholemeal bread) yoghurts, one type of pasta dish, chips (occasionally) peas, carrots and cucumber. Occasionally she'll eat cereal . She will not eat anything before 11am, will not touch beans, eggs, cheese and will not eat meat full stop. Meat actually makes her heave, she is a total nightmare. I have lost count how many meals I put in the bin, I've tried everything, from bribery, ignoring her, stickers, I'm afraid this has become a big issue in our household, I dread mealtimes. She loves helping me cook, but never tries the end result. She is so not bothered about food its unbelieveable.

my 2.4yr old is a bit of a fussy eater. Its not to do with what I give him more with if he wants to eat. Sometimes he will eat all his dinner othertimes he will pick at it. It does drive me mad. To make it worse my 8yr old has been messing around too saying he doesnt like things he has always eaten. I used to let him choose what to have for dinner but now I cook what I want and he has to eat it or starve. The only snacks they are allowed are fruit or yoghurt so if they eat them I know they have eaten something healthy

I think you did the right thing. My mum (a child psychologist)always used to say 'if they've got enough energy to leave the table then they're not starving'
When I think back to a generation ago or the one before ..you got what you were given for tea and that was that ...and if you didn't eat it you sometimes got it for breakfast..yuck!
So no ...you are not mean ...cruel to be kind I reckon, otherwise teatime becomes a battlefield

snacks have almost become habit, I know that sounds silly, for example if she just so happens to glance at the fruit bowl she asks for a banana, she gets a snack at playgroup on a tues and weds, she likes to drink pink milk. It's almost like she asks for a snack when she'd bored. I know I need to be tougher with the word 'NO' !!

You said it! Or, maybe this would be easier, sometimes you could give her as a snack some part of the meal you are planning for her to have next? That might only work with snadwich type meals though, not cooked ones, but it might be an idea.

You know, atm I am completely uninterested in my ds's eating. I give him all sorts of healthy food that is easy to make - sandwiches, our leftover shepherd's pie, quick pasta - and if he doesn't eat it, it's no loss. I encourage him to eat food if I know he likes it but can't be bothered to finish it and always give a healthy pudding - yoghurt, fruit etc. I don't think food is a good thing to fight over. I was a very, very, very picky child and the thought of eating things that I didn't fancy made me feel sick and panicky. But I eat well enough now - too well!

Lilliput - sounds like you know what you have to do, cut out snacks totally. Had to do that with dd as she was just snacking (on apples and rice cakes mainly) and wouldn't eat proper meals. On the days I am tough and don't let her have any snacks she eats her meals brilliantly. Even if she has an apple mid am/pm, her appetite is diminshed.