mum rejected by 21 month old

[poppy2133]

Until a couple of weeks ago my 21 mo ds & I were best pals. Me & dad both work shifts and ds had equal time with both of us. Now ( for no apparent reason ) he gets absolutely distraught if Dad tries to leave the room or goes out etc etc and wont come to me. He regularly rejects me if all 3 of us are together but is fine when dad is not there. The rejection is breaking my heart. I am crying like a baby as I type this as it hurts like nothing I have ever experienced before. I have asked Dad to go out all day tomorrow as I can't bear to see them playing and laughing together whilst I am excluded and being rejected by ds. Whats going on ???

Ouch....that sounds so upsetting. At the same time, what I instantly thought was that your DS is probably not so much rejecting you as suddenly needing to bond more with his Dad. DD went through a phase at about the same age when she seemed to suddenly (really overnight) notice relationships OTHER than her/me and value them more - most of all, her Dad (who also shares her care). I felt a bit wobbly, but as she was just as attached to me when Dad wasn't around it didn't bother me too much - and its changed several times back and forth since: all part of her process, I think.

My nephew did it even more strongly - maybe there's a boy-phase for attaching to the same sex parent?

Elibean, I did consider it may be that he wanted his dad more rather then wanting me less but it's the distress he gets himself into when I try to take him up to bath & bed or go anywhere without dad that makes me feel he doesn't like me anymore. I know I am being emotional but he is my world and it feels like it's been hit by a meteor. Hopefully it will get back to normal ASAP. Thanks for your comments

With ds1 I was a single parent for most of his childhood so never had to deal with this. However with ds2 he just loves his dad soooooo much. Whenever he hurts himslef it's his dad he wants.

Yes it hurts like hell, but isn't wondeful he has such a brilliant relationship wiht his dad. My dd only giggles for her dad, try as I might, I can not get a giggle from her.

It doesn't mean they love me any less, I'm just glad they have such a wonderful dad!!

think it could be a phase thing, as dd is currently going through this with dh, he's the one getting yelled for if anything is wrong, not me (fab in the middle of the night, also very good as expecting no2 in Feb!) but can also be unnerving at times, when I'm being ignored....

ds used to be like this and was such a daddys boy - but this has now reversed and i can do no wrong (he is 3 now). so dont worry this is common x

My ds2 is a bit like this although he alternates between us both. Sometimes he won't have anything to do with his dad even going as far as screaming if he even looks at ds2 yet other times he wont let me near him and just wants his dad. With my ds it depends what mood he is in as to who he wants to be with. It can be upsetting though when dh has to go out and ds is left screaming for his dad.

My other half works away all week, so is only at home for the weekends. At that point DS (20mths) can't get enough of him. To be honest it's so obvious that he misses his dad that I don't mind. Bit annoying when his dad can get him to do absolutely anything whereas I get tears and strops, but hey. What you're going through seems similar. Sounds to me like he's slightly more insecure about his dad. Probably not a rational reason for it, but it's a compliment to you in a way. He's sure you're there for him and happy with that, so makes extra demands on his dad. He obviously feels secure enough with you to push you away. A sign of true love!

my little boy is 21 months and he has times when he wants dad more then me. It is upsetting but i think it happens alot more then i realised.