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3 year old - won't share toys (ever) + aggressive & bullying behaviour...Normal?

2 replies

anash · 26/01/2012 00:19

Hi all,
I have a 3 year old DS, and we moved to Germany a year ago. He's an only child (at the moment), and refuses to share any of his toys with friends when they come to our house.
At nursery he plays with other kids - but only if the play is either running, hiding, cycling a tricycle. But when he plays with a toy or a puzzle he plays by himself and won't let other children join in.
Is this normal 3 year old behaviour? Should I expect him to share toys?

DS is high energy (yes sometimes agressive) - and unfortunately does not like smaller children, or less boisterous/aggressive kids - and sometimes his behaviour is just bullying. (eg other child wants to ride his tricycle - DS runs up to him growling and snatches the tricycle away etc).

Am using the time out method for disciplining - and limiting how long I meet people for, watching him closely with other kids, making him sleep more, making sure he always eats. That has reduced the amount of times he hits other kids. But the not sharing and bullying is not going away.

A friend whose DS & DD are on the receiving end of the bullying says I should seek professional help. But I totally disagree...
So my question is do 3 year olds play "with" other kids? cooperate with other kids? share? Is DS normal or should I get professional help?

Long post, sorry! would love other people's views.

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LondonKitty · 26/01/2012 23:06

Oh dear! You poor thing! Been on both sides of this and really feel for you.
Sounds like you are doing a great job.., just keep it up. They need to understand that this behaviour is not acceptable... It just takes a while for the penny to drop.
I have seen a lot of kids behave like this, particularly only or first born children.
But think about it.... As an only child you are the centre of your parents' world, which is a rather lovely place for anyone to be. What reason have you to believe, at 3, that you belong anywhere other than the centre of anyone else's world, and why would you want to try to understand that?
It just takes time and patience.
A sibling also helps... ;)

IWantMyHatBack · 26/01/2012 23:09

Normal for early 3's I think, the playing alongside. Something clicked in DS at about 3.6, but at just 4 he's only just understanding sharing. Still doesn't bloody like it though

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