DS not very good at school

[RowenaRavenclaw]

Ds is 5, one of the eldest in his year. I'm not a pushy parent and have let ds play, draw, count in a relaxed way. I'm now wondering if I was too relaxed. Have just spent the evening with brother and his ds who is younger than my ds and can write everyone's name, including my mum's name which is very hard. He 'wants' to learn, whereas whenever I have suggested writing with my ds he'll whinge and moan and say it's boring. He can just about write his name and a few numbers. He can copy words, but not yet put letters together by himself to make words like cat, dog.
He can count and and had a hard time starting the writing process as he was deciding between right and left hand for a while. He is now left handed but still finds it difficult to control the pen. Ohhh what do I do. Do I push him more or will he catch up when he's ready?

The worst thing you can do is label him as "not good at school" at this young age. Otherwise no advice (waiting for a teacher to come along)

Is he interested in stories and how things work? It may be that he's intellectually quite bright but genuinely bored by the day to day of learning to write and read. At a certain point they put together the concept that having those skills gives them access to the information they ARE interested in, but it takes the penny dropping for that to happen. I would encourage as much as you can, do not criticize, just support him and he will get there. (I have the same situation with one of my 2)

offs not everyone is meant to be an academic.
Some people are academic some prefer more hands on work. Children aren't that different to adults in that respect. Personalitys differ.

tbh i was expecting a thread about a child's behaviour at school.

Every child develops at their own pace. Don't fall into the habbit of comparing him to his cousin. That can be more damaging then to find academic work difficult/not their main area of excelling.

for what is worth though. I had a handedness issue and it took me a while to perfect writing. I chose my right hand but probably should have been left handed. It takes a while to coordinate brain to action.

I don't think he's having to make a choice about a life of manual labour over a PhD.... He's just starting to learn to read and write, which is a basic tool most folks need, well, to get by.

If you have a tendency to compare, it can only get worse with worry about which reading book, which spellings, which secondary school, which exam results, which university. It is too early to judge - support him but don't push him, otherwise he will turn off to an even greater extent. If worries continue, seek reassurance from his teacher. You cannot tell at this stage who will be the academic high fliers, the carpenters, the bus drivers, the civil servants or the layabouts, He has at least 11 years of school ahead of him.

Dd1 was very keen to learn to write, She was typing on the computer at 2, won a story competition (in under 5s category ) at 2.5 and writing with a pencil anything she wanted by 3yo. That was because she was keen to do it.
Dd2 loved reading, but whereas she could write if she wanted, rarely wanted to.
Ds refused to pick up a pencil before he went to school, even to colour.

He can write nearly as well as the other two could after a term at school, although he's a young one rather than a winter baby.

It is a difficult one because I suspect that dd1 will achieve higher than dd2 (of roughly similar ability) because dd1 wants to learn, and will choose to learn. But to a certain extent it has to be their choice and at times dd2 will have a lot more fun because she is doing fun things having dashed of the minimum required whereas dd1 is busy completing something to the best of her ability. I see my job as having to sometimes tone them both down, dd1 to encourage to leave something which she will continue working on, but is basically complete, and dd2 to sometimes insist she does slightly more than just a quick scribble!

I am having similar concerns with my 5.5 year old DD. She just doesn't get it... and she is VERY behind in comparison to many of the children. She is year 1, I got told they are all meant to be able to write their names by the time they leave nursery... she only recently managed to do her name, and still has trouble with A's.
I am not concerned with her being very academic or smart, but I really wish she was 'average'! I worry she is going to be completely left behind :(
She straight out refuses to try and write or read things, and straight out says 'it's too tricky' before even remotely applying herself.
I fear I have been so relaxed about all of it that now she's behind and will always be behind, as things at school are gradually getting harder - yet she is not moving at all...

Hi there, I am a Reception teacher and what you describe OP is quite a common thing, particularly for boys. From what you say about his writing at the moment, I would say that there is nothing to worry about. Children at this age are learning to blend sounds together to make words and learning words like I, no, go, to etc. so he sounds like he is on the right track. If he were my son (mine is 20 months so got all this to come!) then I would do as others have recommended and talk with his teacher if you continue to be concerned.

Katykuns, I would say that expecting children to be able to write their name by the end of nursery is quite unrealistic.

I understand the worry but in most Scandinavian countries children don't start school until 6 and they perform better in reading and writing. How they do at 3/4/5 does not necessarily show how they will end up! I have taught many children who have started off 'slower' in comparison to their classmates (but I really don't like to compare) and they've all of a sudden, almost overnight, just got really interested and have taken off like a shot.

OP, what is your son interested in? Could maybe gently encourage him by writing about his favourite things, making number plates for his toy cars, writing speeding tickets, making up pretend names for dinosaurs, asking him to write your shopping list or something?

I know it's difficult, but try not to compare to his cousin, your DS will have other skills that his cousin does not have, It's just that reading/writing is seen as a more intellectual thing. Your DS may have great social skills (which in my opinion is more important, particularly at this age). Continue to encourage him and not be pushy as you may turn him off it completely.

Wow, didn't realise my post had got so long!!

In short, don't worry, he sounds normal!

I am really grateful for your imaginative suggestions that make writing sound fun and its not even my thread. Thanks!

Glad they have inspired you! Had so many boys in my classes that need to learn to write but can only get them to try when the writing is dressed up a something more exciting!