Clingy toddler - what can I do?

[lindy100]

DD1 (2.6) has recently become so clingy and I am at my wits' end to know how to deal with it - or if to just ignore.

Briefly, she is fairly outgoing, happy to chat to adults she knows, more confident in small groups, will talk to friendly strangers when prompted, waves at our binmen etc - always been a bit more reticent in noisy playgroups and when at playgroups people deliberately roar/scream as part of a song.

A few things have happened recently:

• birth of DD2 just after her second birthday
• hopsitalisation of DD2 for a week about a month ago, leading to DD1 staying with ILs (who she knows v well, as they childmind her for us, but none of us were prepared for this stay)
• persistent coughs and colds, leading to more broken nights than usual for everyone
• dropping her nap

...and now she can be so clingy, sitting on my lap, getting right in my face and whining 'I want you'. Over and over. Even though she 'has' me at that point. More likely to happen at playgroup/when she is tired/when a stranger talks to her and she is for some reason shy with them.

I am frustrated as I don't know what to do - do I indulge her by hugging her and soothing her, even though nothing is wrong? Of course, at least half the time this would mean putting DD2 down - I know sharing me is something to do with it some of the time. Or do I ignore it and talk to her more matter-of-factly that she is ok/will have to wait?

And please reassure me - this is just a phase, right? Any advice on how to deal without going mad and shouting will be much appreciated!

Oh, I'd be inclined to give her lots of cuddles, time together and attention, tbh. It sounds like she might be reacting to the combined impact of all these things and just needs that assurance. So as much as you can, I'd give it to her with lots of love and cuddles.

And yes, I'm sure it is a phase. My ds was prem, v. tiny, had nasty illness as a baby, and I was hospitalised for a month when he was 18 months (long story) and he went through phases of wanting to be held a lot, esp. for some reason when we went to the park!

He's 7 now and no more or less clingy than any of his yr 3 mates.

This sounds familiar. When my DD was this age she def became more clingy and whingy when tired.

Personally I would indulge her with cuddles etc, but I would be firm on the whining. How about 'you can sit on my lap if you like, but you must ask nicely'?

Do you have to choose between them? Can DD1 and DD2 have one of your knees each?

It is a phase (but IME may be quite a long one - sorry!).

One dc on the lap, one nestling into your side on the sofa?

Yes agree with the others, that is a lot to happen in the last few months. And giving her attention has got to be less annoying than listening to the besieging for attention!

Nothing may seem wrong from an adult point of view but if she is tired or feeling insecure, something is wrong from her point of view.

Can you instigate some sort of Special Time for Mummy and DD1 (when dd2 naps maybe?) so if you don't want to put dd2 down at every demand you could distract her with a reminder of this - "What do you want to do today with Mummy?"