I think DS has "Receptionitis" - please tell me how to cure it!

[DestinationUnknown]

ds is 4.9, started YR in Sept, loves school. But his behaviour at home is hideous.

Now I know he's tired and it's a massive effort to listen and learn and co-operate with teachers and friends all day, and he's doing brilliantly at all of that. But he is so damn stroppy the whole time with me that our home life is becoming quite miserable.

I can't say much to him without him shouting, stamping, swiping at me - and this isn't just when I'm being mean firm but also when I'm suggesting something totally normal like having tea. When things don't go his way he cries and cries in a totally OTT way. Doesn't help that I am on my own with him and he is only child, so there's no-one else here to diffuse / distract.

He is going to bed earlier, so definitely getting enough sleep. I am trying rewards and sanctions but tbh feel like this is all I do at the moment to get him to co-operate. It is backfiring because everything I ask him to do he responds with "only if you give me / if I can [insert named treat]". When I refuse to negotiate he throws a fit.

What can I do?!

This sounds very similar to ds in Jan last year (he is in yr 1 now). It turned out he was getting picked on by a group of children at school and that, coupled with coming home tired, made him very stroppy at home. After that was dealt with things became a lot better.

Incidentally, he heard me say to his teacher that his behaviour at home wasn't good - he did NOT like that as he loved his teacher - the threat of me talking to her again worked wonders!

In the meantime I relaxed a lot of rules at home e.g. I let him eat a snack in front of the TV as soon as he got home from school - not normally done but it gave him a chance to veg out for a bit. Then he'd be up and playing again.

I completely sympathise with the negotiation thing - ds does that too. I try not to do rewards and sanctions as far as I can because he does it in return and it's very very annoying! I think sitting down in a quiet and happy moment and collaborating on writing down simple rules for behaviour works well - include stuff that you are both going to do and stick to it. EG ask him if he likes being spoken to calmly or if he likes shouting - when he says calmly, promise to always do that and write it down - he will almost certainly promise the same - then you stick to yours and point out the rules if a heated argument starts. (not saying that you are a shouty mother btw - that's me ).

glad we are not alone. We have been home for 5 mins and I have been shouted at for not picking something up that ds had thrown on the floor (he had demanded I "get it"). Also massive tears because his friend told him that they were going back to his house after school, and this isn't the case.

have stuck him on the sofa with drink and snack and will see if we can sort some rules out later. he will like that he is as bossy as I am