told

[minimac]

I was told yesterday when I went to pick up my daughter from nursery that she had been very spiteful. As she often does to me, she had hit 3 smaller children in the face leaving a mark on one little girls face. My daughter is an active and usually sweet natured 21 month old with a very strong will. When she hits my face I firmly tell her off for her unexceptable behaviour and that hitting is bad, she then apolgises but she's not too bothered by being repremandered. I was hoping there was someone out there who can offer me some advice on ways of dealing with the hitting. I should also just add that she hits her own face when cross and annoyed and also when ever she sees her Grandfather!
Anyone think of reasons for this?!
Just going back to the nursery incident, does anyone think that her being the eldest in her nursery class could be having a negative affect on her?
Any thoughts and advice grately recieved. Thanks

This is pretty normal behaviour for a 21-month-old. "Spiteful" seems a strange way to describe it, frankly. Is she hitting other kids when they won't give her stuff she wants? Or just randomly?

Re: telling her off. Have you tried just going away from her when she does something like this? Sometimes they hit to get your attention, so if you take attention away after they hit, that may work better than telling off? (You have to put her down and go away right away, and very calmly.)

Also, if you can tell when she's about to hit, and tell her "no", firmly (but not shouting). If this works, give her lots of praise for listening.

brill ideas notquitecockney, I totally agree with the going away part - removing attention is a very powerful thing to do.

the only other thing I would suggest is perhaps if this isn't working then try time out as a last resort? If you have tried the putting down and going away and she just doesn't stop, then try saying to her that she must not hit you, if she does she will have some time out on her own. I use my son's room and hold the door shut. The tanya byron type advice seems to be do it for a minute for each year of their lives so only a minute for your girlie.

I have found it really works but only as a last resort when you've tried the other approaches. I would think Nursery may also be using this if she does hit others during the day (not in another room but time out from the group I would think)

But please don't worry too much, they ALL hit at some time or other, and the nursery environment with so many other children is alot to cope with when your verbal skills aren't quite up to "no please don't take that toy I hadn't quite finished with it"!!!!!

Thank you both for your helpful and kind words, I'll certainly try both suggested methods and fingers crossed, she'll stop the hitting. It would certainly be good to put an end to it before baby number 2 arrives in 4 months as I've heard from other parents that hitting the new born is a common activity for older siblings!

minimac

My dd went through brief phase of hitting her own face when aged 2.4 (I think out of frustration/rage) I didn't make a big thing about it and it stopped.