My children are afraid to go upstairs on their own!

[gloriahoneybum]

My son is 5 and has always been like this. I thought by now he'd have outgrown it but if anything he's getting worse. It's not because of the dark. He's like this in broad daylight! Our toilet is upstairs and I have to escort him every time. My daughter is 7 and was never like this but she has now started saying she needs us when she has to go to the toilet. I think she has started because we've been trying to get ds to go up by himself or even with her but he gets very upset. It is a real fear with my son and I do try to be sympathetic but when I'm trying to get dinner ready and stuff it's like I'm up and down every 5 minutes. I've asked him why he's scared and he says all different things "There might be someone/something up there" is what he mostly says. I've resassured him and told him he's safe in his own house and been round all the rooms with him but this hasn't helped. They both have lovely rooms but never want to be up there. I don't mind that but I just want them to feel safe being on their own upstairs.

Is this normal behaviour? Has anyone else been through this and when does it end? Thanks for any advice.

wow are you me? my 5yo is just the same and even gives the same reason for the fear. fWIW at the moment i am just reducung how far up the stairs i go with him so at first i waited at the bathroom door, then at the top of the stairs, then at the middle, now i can get away with the bottom of the stairs but this will only work untill something spooks him and i'm back to square one.
I have no idea about the answer but just wanted you to know you are not alone.

I used to be really frightened to go upstairs on my own. I was afraid of monsters and that someone might be there. I think I eventually grew out of it. I think I was 7/8 when I eventually plucked up the courage to go up on my own but the fear was still there...I just used to turn all the lights on and make sure I was quick.

My nieces are the same. They're 5 and 6. They're scared of 'monsters'. The youngest has a lot of wet accidents because she won't use the toilet and doesn't bother to tell you so you can escort her and still wets the bed because she won't get out of it to go.

Anywhere other than the home, she uses the toilet perfectly fine (never had an accident at nursery or school). But no amount of talking and reassuring seems to take their fear away. They say they've actually seen monsters and they're all different colours etc. So in their minds, it's very real.

I'm sure they'll outgrow it at some point. Also I'm 26 and still nervy when alone!

Thank you all, it seems my kids are not the only ones. I was seriously thinking he may need therapy! Tiger, he has also had wet patches from holding it in rather than go up and he says he can hear and see things which I can't. If he wakes in the night for a pee he shouts for me and I take him even though we leave the bathroom light on all night. I do find it funny that when we're out he's quite happy wandering off (slightly more dangerous than walking upstairs!) and is a brave and macho little thing with his friends. Hellyd, I'm going to give that a go edging slightly further away each time. I seem to remember having to do something like that to get him off to sleep in his own room when he was a baby. I have downstairs toilet envy - it would make my life so much easier. I have to limit the amount of times a day I moan to my dh about it.

I don't remember posting this but clearly you are me under a different name. My 5 and 3 year olds are the same and it does my head in!

yy, you are me too!

6year old DS1 is still scared to go upstairs on his own. Luckily we have a downstairs loo, but if he wants something from his room he wants us to go up with him. If I'm busy or something he'll say he doesn't want whatever it was, or persuade DS2 (not scared) to go with him.

I find it infuriating and annoying and sometimes feel cross about it. I think I need to be more understanding of him don't I?

in fact, maybe it's a sticker chart thing? Rewards for being brave.

My 11 yr old is frightened to go upstairs on his own - really he is. He will only go with his brother who is 9. He is rather sensitive, overthinks things, has a wild imagination, writes poetry and generally is a bit intense so I hope he will just grow out of it.

Another one here too. 6yr old ds is exactly the same. In fact after dark he won't even use the downstairs loo alone, if were in the living room. It's maddening. Fine when he has friends over though. His friend lives in a bungalow, ds keeps asking when we can get a bungalow. Funnily enough his friend wants a house with stairs :)

Ooooh a bungalow now that would be my idea of heaven right now. This is more widespread than I ever thought. My mum friends are always telling how they don't see their kids half the day as they're up in their rooms so I thought it was just mine that were weird just like this. Hambles don't be embarrassed about being cross, I tried that as well and now my punishment is having 2 of them afraid to go up! DD convinced herself after seeing her brother so hysterical that there really must be something bad up there!

Morebeta, 11! does this mean I could be doing this for another 6 years or more?

Yes, unfortunately the younger ones do seem to pick up on it very easily - and they seem to believe the other children rather than you!

My nieces have affected my DS who is 2.2. I've had a few problems with him for a while although it's not yet extreme. He'd rather be in the same room as me constantly although if I'm a little stern he will go off to another room to fetch something and he's scared when he goes to bed. He wraps his duvet around him so tight he's dripping with sweat but becomes really frightened if I attempt to remove it or even loosen it. Of course I still try anyway while reassuring him. I do think it'll get worse as he gets older and comes into contact with more children who are monster believers :)

Of course Halloween confirmed it!

gloria -interesting what you say about bungalows. DS1 also always says he wants to live in a smaller house.

My 8 year old just the same. He went downstairs to the loo ten days ago all by himself - milestone!

Right no direct experience of this myself (my dd is only 15 months!) but I do remember being scared if the dark/ monsters etc when I was a kid. Something I read in a supernanny book which she applied to kids afraid of monsters under the bed/ in cupboards was to accept that there were monsters and say "oh I've got something that gets rid of monsters" whips out a ferbreeze spray which the kids then use before going up to bed or whatever. I'm not 100% sure how much I agree with saying "yes you're right there are monsters darling" but I guess it feels quite real to the kids with their vivid imaginations. Thought I'd mention it in case there was something you could give your DC's to take upstairs/ leave on the stairs & maybe do a reward chart too? As I say no direct experience of this but just thought it might help in some way

My 7 year old and 9 year old are like this after dark, it's not a huge thing, they just don't like it and ask for company - I remember those sort of feelings so tend to co-operate, again without making a big deal of it, it's just one of those things you do to help them feel safer, like closing the wardrobe door.

Wow, my DS is only 3.9, also afraid of upstairs and darkness. Would keep lights on in the whole house! If he wants to the potty and I cannot take him myself, I promise him some raisins and it usually works.

It seems fairly normal to me for kids to be afraid of the dark! My 4.8 YO DD will keep her bedside light on when she goes to bed (even though I turn it off when I go to bed!) and also calls me or come into our room to ask me to help her go to the toilet in the night. We do live in a bungalow and our room is the other side of the bathroom so she walks passed it to get to me .

FWIW - I'm 35 and sometimes still get scared in my own house in the dark. Not looking in mirrors, running from the bathroom back to bed or turning the lights on too many horror movies!!!!
ps - DD wants a house with stairs too!

My DS (4) is like this. I 'count' him up- i.e. loud counting as he heads up stairs and while he does whatver he needs to do up there. He is slowly getting better. Lights on also helps... but I think its just time...thy get over it.

My 4 year old started doing this and I did the following. Maybe it can help. Go to the Library and fing lots of really simple books with good pictures about friendly monsters/Aliens/Ghosts and read them to you children emphasising that they are friendly and scared of ghosts and mosters/ the dark etc as well. Never allow your children to read scary stories with Ghosts/Monsters/ Aliens/the dark etc. If you find yourself with a book like this read it in a way that make the thing your child is afraid of innocent and keep your tone light-hearted. Never make an issue out of it or show sympathy. Just remind them there is no such thing we have pretend monsters, and mummy and daddy monsters. Proceed to chase your child and play games at being monsters or ghosts etc but always fun games where you children can be Ghosts and mosters to. Uses torches and go hunting in the dark up-stairs in the dark together and make the dark fun. Let your child scare you in the dark. Pretend to fightened until you realise it's only your child and say; oh, it's only you, a friendly ghost etc. Make out whatever you child is afraid of would probably be scared of little boys and girls if they were real but there not etc.

Sorry for waffeling but it really halped my little one and the fear did not last long at all. Sometimes he doesn't even put the light on, he wants it to be dark as it's more exciting with his torch which is a reaaly funky wind up torc of a penguin which he loves.

My writing is not great as I'm dyslexic but I hope it helps someone.

Good luck x

I was like this at age 4-7 ish.

There were two reasons: firstly I was scared of a huge poster my sister had on her bedroom wall. Its eyes used to follow me. Shudder. And second my sister and I had made up a monster called the 'shadow priest' who used to lurk behind curtains, to scare our younger neighbour. we obviously ended up scaring ourselves silly, and couldn't tell mum because we'd have to tell her about the neighbour