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Please help behaviour strategies need for 3.8year old

3 replies

fairimum · 21/01/2012 03:47

Need some ideas for my daughter who is just generally not doing as she is told, answering back, getting up in the middle o the night saying she isn't tired etc! She used to respond well to naughty step during the day and toys being taken away at night but now none of this seems to make any difference, just woken to my husband shouting at her and threatening to smack her etc which makes me see where her stroppy/angry attitude is coming from (I am certainly not perfect either!) since her behaviour has got worse she hasn't wanted to stay for lunch at nursery, stay with friends on her own etc (happy at nursery and to go though). After huge argument husband now saying he doesn't know what punishments he can give her as not here during the day to follow through and says she doesn't care anyway, have said empty threats and trying to scare her is counter productive and making her worse and having major negative impact... Tried reward charts without much success he wants to remove all toys etc from her to earn back??? She is only 3 and what does he expect us to play with etc??? Need to sort this ASAP as we are all miserable and feel gettin into a downward spiral :(

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LovesBeingWearingSkinnyJeans · 21/01/2012 05:19

I've got a dd tge same age so totally understand where you are. Her night problems started when my dad passed away, can you trace hers back to anything or has she always been like it? I have foucsed on repetition and pistons reinforcement. Sounds quite good like that but basically her night tine routine is now very short as her problem is tgat the longer we are there tge less likely she would let us leave. It's strictly tge same everynight. Teeth, wash, toilet, pjs, into bed goodnight. I always try to have axreally positive convo, what has she enjoyed today type stuff, what made me proud. Then how nummy would like her to stay in bed and have a nice long sleep no waking up. Sounds silly but when also followed through in the morning with telling her thank you and I am proud of her, even my mum will ask her if she slept through and she loves to be able to say yes. If she didn't j will ask her the next day why not, what caused her to get up? I don't count getting up for tge toilet as not sleeping through iyswim.

I do find so much of 'naughtiness' is linked to being tired. Add in nursery to getting up in tge night/waking early and it's no wonder they are shattered.

You say reward charts didn't work? How long did she have to 'work' to get a reward? If it were all week, maybe change to a day or two or even for something that same day. Just start getting her to a place where there is some positive things going on and build in it.

I find it helps to double check your definition of being naughty as well, is it being curious and not realising what would happen? Is some of it just being three? Choose your battles is often quoted on here but I know tgat once she has done something if it is not addressed it will happen again, it's like she's got permission.

Not sure if anything I've said is actually useful, probably doing all that. I do and hey she's not perfect but dh and I did take her to soft play and then for lunch yesterday without a single issue. Hang on did we take our daughter maybe I'm in for a bad day tomorrow Grin

Albrecht · 21/01/2012 13:50

Sorry I don't have much advice but I just wanted to say I think you are right and I agree it sounds like your husband is making things worse by shouting, threatening etc.

She sounds insecure and punishments don't seem to be working. This might seem crazy but how about giving her lots of attention, playing together and showing you love her (even with the PITA behaviour).

LovesBeing gives some great advice above, especially re just being three.

Kinnane · 22/01/2012 07:37

I think your husband is really,really wrong to respond to his daughter in this way. He could try actually talking to her when things are calm in the home. Agree with Albrecht - give your dauthter lots of attention play together - show how much her mum and dad love her. Too much attention being payed to sleeping!! - let your daughter be a 3 to 4. If her dad is angry with her so much - the child will be unhappy because all she really wants is to please mum and dad.

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