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Behaviour/development

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Melt down whilst out shopping

30 replies

wifey6 · 20/01/2012 13:36

Just got home from the worst shopping trip! Out for the day for a family members birthday..& DS pitched a tantrum in the middle of the shop. I was mortified & have the trolley full of shopping to my family member & took DS outside. I was so upset & when we returned to the car I just sobbed. I tried every thing before it escalated...but then when it did...it was awful. How do I stop the tantrum before it gets full-blown & I am left in tears?
I even feel embarrassed admitting this. :(

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scurryfunge · 20/01/2012 13:38

Toddlers and shopping do not mix. Distraction is the key.

LadySybilDeChocolate · 20/01/2012 13:38

How old is he? There's no need to be embarassed, it takes a village to raise a child and they are all like this.

wifey6 · 20/01/2012 13:40

He is 18.5 months. Only started having tantrums this week...Sad
I just feel like a bad mum as I felt I lost control. Sad

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Iggly · 20/01/2012 13:40

Age?

DS is 2. He gets bored so bribery with snacks and going at a quiet time is key.

wifey6 · 20/01/2012 13:42

I had snacks etc which he had before the melt-down. He had a toy & his favourite comfort toy. I always go prepared & it usually works really well. Sad

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Iggly · 20/01/2012 13:43

He's tiny tiny tiny! Dont be ashamed. I remember ds flipping out and panicking. However it's because of the pressure to have a good child in public that it feels so horrible at the time.

Seriously - shop when it's quiet, not near meal/nap time and involve child - give them things to play with etc. Also write a list so you can get out quick!

Katiebeau · 20/01/2012 13:43

Oh don't be embarrassed. He's normal!!! You can't always avoid meltdown. Just make sure you don't go and encroach on meal or naptime which was my error Grin. I have learnt that lesson. Also DD 2.10 now has a list of stuff she has to tell me when she sees it (three special things to find!)

PS I sobbed after DD's first hissy fit, I ignored the next one.

mamasmissionimpossible · 20/01/2012 13:44

My ds and dd always threw whopper tantrums when out shopping. I used to distract/bribe them with biscuits Failing that I used the internet to shop online. There is nothing you can do when they get to the horrible out of control stage. I just to give up and go home. I'm sure you did the best you could and are not a bad mum.

LadySybilDeChocolate · 20/01/2012 13:46

I'd avoid shopping and do it all online! If you must go out, I'd give him his own shopping list with pictures of items so he can match them up.

Toddlers and shopping don't mix. It's best not to go when they are A) hungry B) tired C) unwell.

wifey6 · 20/01/2012 13:46

Thank you so much everyone....it really shocked me as this was his first public melt-down.
I really appreciate all your comments. Smile

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my2princesses · 21/01/2012 20:38

It's even worse when the shop assistant in Marks and Spencer very loudly tells your 2 yo DD to "stop it" when she's shouting "shoes mummy" in a very quiet shop! I was sooo embarassed that I didn't tell her I don't appreciate her talking to my LO like that but I could just feel everyones eyes on me :-(

tanfastic · 21/01/2012 20:45

It is normal, you know that don't you?Grin

I remember when my ds was about 2 and had a major tantrum in Tesco and I just picked him up under my arm like a piece of rolled up carpet, left a full trolley of food and marched him out of the store. I remember being furious.

The only advice I can give is not going when he's tired or hungry as that is what used to spark mine off.

It does pass!

Psocid · 21/01/2012 20:48

My DS2 once had a wonderful tantrum in Lakeland - I took his mini trolley away (after warning it would happen if he continued to bash his brother with it). I ended up putting him under my arm, taking him out of the shop and dumping him on the back seat of the car. I sat on the bonnet and waited for silence.... passing people varied in their response from knowing looks and smiles to mouth opened "what are you doing to that child".....I answered that he was safe and I was ignoring him...

He's 16 now. Different problems and too big to pop under my arm.

CroissantNeuf · 21/01/2012 20:50

Don't be embarrassed, its totally normal (and, chances are ,it will happen again....sorry!)

DD had her most spectacular meltdown in our nearest city where I happened to work as a Family Support Worker. As I put her under my arm and carried her out of the shop, screaming and kicking, I was dreading bumping into one of 'my families' from our parenting skills courses.

LanceCorporalBoiledEgg · 21/01/2012 20:56

DD did this sort of thing on a weekly basis until she was about 3.

Online shopping saved my life Grin

You be glad to know she's mostly delightful now she's 4.

wifey6 · 21/01/2012 21:11

Thank you everyone for your tantrum experiences. Smile it's really helped me feel like a 'normal mummy'.
Can't completely relate to the 'bundling under arm like a rolled up carpet'!
DS had a 'mini-melt-down' whilst visiting GP today....they totally turned a blind eye & we all carried on & it diffused & once it was over...we all made a big fuss. Didn't happen again all day. I am dreading the family shopping day tomorrow. Am going armed with a mini shopping list--thank you to the lovely posters who suggested this Smile

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NoGoodAtHousework · 21/01/2012 22:00

I've always been tempted by actions the same as the tv advert (for vicks first defence) where the second before the toddler starts to tantrum, the mum throws herself on the floor kicking and screaming!
My friend actually did this to her son and it worked a treat!

Pandemoniaa · 22/01/2012 00:24

Heavens but this is absolutely typical behaviour! Do not feel badly of yourself.

If throwing tantrums had ever become an Olympic sport, ds1 would be been a triple gold medallist. I also have memories of carrying out of shops like a rolled up carpet.

Probably his worst tantrum occurred at the bus station when I had two bags of shopping, ds2 (aged 3 months) in a sling and ds1 on reins. The "wrong" bus (a single, rather than double-decker) had the temerity to arrive and on discovering that we would be catching it and not waiting another half an hour, ds1 rolled around on the very grubby ground shouting "No! No! No! Want Big Bus!!". He screeched, he rolled, he kicked, he gave the impression of a Baby Banshee. I picked him up by the back of the reins, carried us all onto the bus where he promptly carried on wailing like a pig being slaughtered.

An elderly lady looked at me as if I was the worst mother in the world and said "Poor little boy!". I am ashamed to admit that I suggested that if she was so entranced by him, she might care to have him bouncing and screeching on her lap. She suddenly lost interest...

What I would say is that shopping trips and children this age rarely mix well. If at all possible keep the shopping to a minimum and make sure your child isn't already over-tired or hungry. To be honest, I've often felt like throwing tantrums myself in shopping malls so it is no surprise that they so often bring old meltdowns in toddlers.

wifey6 · 22/01/2012 07:49

pande....oh my goodness...that must have been awful-with a tiny baby aswell.
Have a new shopping plan...when I finish work I am going to go straight to the shop & do it before DH meets me with DS. Distraction is key I have noticed so will try that. I just felt so out of control that I felt I let us both down by not dealing with the first public tantrum properly. But in fairness...as it was the first...I didn't really know the right or wrong as I was mortified. I just feel 'ready' for the next one.

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brightonbleach · 22/01/2012 09:27

you're never prepared for the 1st proper meltdowns!! its impossible to predict the how/when/why/where... my DS is 2.2 and his first major one in public was in the central library, joy, a few months ago now - and I did carry him out under my arm thinking of myself as a rugby player bundling the 'ball' towards the try line!! Blush hehehe. I got some horrified looks as I bundled him back into his buggy unceremoniously, from parents whose babies probably were yet to throw their first screaming/rolling/kicking/howling "ouch mummy ouch" public hanging display... Now he seems to understand "we're going home straight away if you do that" but I do my shopping online, the boredom threshold at this age is very low plus concepts of time are misty yet, so 'wait' or the idea of queueing is not favourable! perfectly normal... !

brightonbleach · 22/01/2012 09:29

PS in waitrose they have mini-trolleys for the little 'uns to push around, when my DS is about 3 I'm going to try that with a tiny list for him to find and put in 'his' trolley, see if that is fun! obviously I still won't be doing a whole week or months shopping whilst trying this - online shopping/delivery defo has another convert in me! :)

MumofAurelia · 22/01/2012 09:47

Soooo normal Hunni, I'd worry if you'd said that he had never thrown a strop!
We make games, spot the ...., run up and down a bit if the aisle is quiet. My DD is quite helpful now though I did get 9 packets of parsley sauce the other day.... she is only just 2, and we have 'enjoyed' 6 months of daily tantrums..... Thankfully now they happen at 4.30 (!?!) so are behind a closed door lol!

You need to manage it like any other part of the day, I 100% agree with the pick the time, hungriness etc etc aspect. Bribery is completely acceptable at the tills too!

gamerwidow · 22/01/2012 09:56

Don't be embarrassed all children will do this at some point. My 18 month DD lay down on the floor of a busy shopping centre and refused to get up last week much to the amusment of other shoppers. My fault because I hadn't noticed how tired she had got :(.
I agree with the others that shopping trips should be kept short and done when toddlers aren't tired or hungry. That being said I do all my grocery shopping online now after a fraught trip where DD cried all the way round the supermarket.
Had you been out all day with DS before you went shopping? Toddlers have such a low boredom threshold that they can't cope with doing adult activities all day. That's not to say that you should have to plan your whole life around your childrens whims but you do need to make time to stop and let them have a bit of a run round or a play to keep them engaged.

gamerwidow · 22/01/2012 09:57

p.s. we have daily tantrums too so on the plus side you've done well to avoid them for so long :)

BertieBotts · 22/01/2012 10:01

It really helps if you try to remember that they're not in control of the tantrum any more than you are - it's just that they don't really have any understanding of what is a big issue or not, they are only just really starting to feel "big" feelings and that is overwhelming, and they also have a lot of hormonal changes going on I think? So trying to keep on board with what is going on with them, keep talking to them, letting them know what is going to happen etc is really helpful in pre empting. It helps once they get more words too, it's hard when they can't tell you things.