Dd and "stuff"

[Molehillmountain]

Dd is six and incredibly possessive over her possessions. I am inclined to think she has too much, although we don't buy toys between birthday and Christmas. There are two sets of indulgent gps and lots of friends and family. But given that the things are there, what do I do to make her appreciative, look after them but hopefully share them better. She also gets a bit funny when we're wrapping party presents and wants what's in it. Is this normal or is she horribly spoilt and materialistic? I just trot out the "it is lovely isn't it? I can see why you'd want it. But this time it's x's turn to have presents. If you still feel as if you'd like one perhaps you could have one for Christmas/ your birthday". With varying levels of patience and ignoring the tears that sometimes accompany the whole thing.

sounds normal to me....both mine get a bit grabby when wrapping things for other DC. As for sharing it's not easy for some....I am a crap sharer tbh....mostly because I had a lot broken by siblings growing up. I don't make mine share EVERYTHING...some things are special..I would never make DD aged 7 share her MOshy Monsters mags for instance as she prizes them...but games and things which can't come to harm..well gentle encouragement is all you can do.

Does DD have siblings

Two! Ds is three and dd2 6 months. I suppose I don't really see how others are when they're the sharer rather than the sharee iyswim. Tears though? But it's Friday and we're all tired. Must be more level headed and compassionate.

As the older one I think they do deserve some special things...they have to "give" in so many ways as a "big" sibling. I try to make my older DD who is 7, feel a bit special sometimes...just things like a monetary reward for a job well done...or a private trip to the cafe with me or her Daddy. It helps.

I find this really tricky - DS1 is careful with his stuff and I can see it's annoying for him to be told to share something with DD and DS2 when they don't really appreciate it or care for it. I agree with BOM that your eldest should not be forced to share everything with her siblings and should be allowed to keep some things special. She has to share when friends come over to play though, is that a problem for her?

Re the wrapping up thing... personally I would avoid this issue and wrap it up after she's gone to bed. Picking your battles and all that.

Hi mumofthree, I agree with you with the sibling sharing thing. It dies extend to playdates which I find more problematic. I plan activities using neutral stuff like baking and craft activities but still often there's the toy moment. After all that's part of what they go to each others houses for. I try to avoid showdowns but it's really trying. Coupled with her constantly asking. I wouldnt mind if she said no to playdates because of the sharing thing but she doesn't seem to get it. Grr!

OK, next time your DD asks for a playdate, say to her in advance that if she wants to have a playdate she must be prepared to share her toys - otherwise she can't have the playdate. At 6 she is old enough to have a proper discussion about this. First of all ask her if there are any toys that she really doesn't want to share with her friend? If so you could put these away before the friend arrives. Then ask her if she is happy to share all the other toys and make sure she agrees. Do a little role play: 'DD, pretend I'm your friend X and I'm playing with this doll and you want a turn, what would you do?'. Help her think of strategies to use, eg find another similar doll to play with while her friend keeps the first doll.

Also I think 'taking turns' can sometimes be an easier concept for a 6yo than 'sharing'.