Teacher suggesting 5 year is ASD or something?

[paranoidofStaffs]

I feel so confused. My DS started school last Sept and is being difficult. Teacher has written a list and told us to go to the dr. She says he won't wipe his own bum (he does at home), he doesn't respond when she calls his name (he does zone out but he can hear and he can respond I think when he wants to), has done some hand flapping (never seen at home), has hidden under the table (again not at home), goes to the bathroom and is gone ages, has to be retrieved and is found playing with the water, wiping the walls (at home he doesn't want to spend any time at all in the bog). He is very loving and cuddly (sometime excessively), does pull some funny faces when eating (is this skimm ing?) he has no problems intellectually (but not gifted before you ask), he has good eye contact and interaction, makes friends (but not easily, it takes him a little time), engages in imaginative play. Teacher is definitely suggesting ASD traits and asking if he "needs routine" and other questions that are in the checklist, he doesn't particularly by the way. He is highly strung and does have meltdowns, goes off the deepens for example if he loses a toy he wails that he will never see it again. That's about it really! My instinct tells me he is hypersensitive in some way not ASD. Anyone dealing with similar traits that can offer advice and guidance. Oh....he won't wear buttons, but is getting better with that.

I would go to the GP and ask for a referral. However the teacher has no qualifications for making such a diagnosis or even suggesting it. Have you spoken to the school SENCo? Which is something I would also do.
Getting a diagnosis of ASD is a long (and often torturous process). You need to be finding out what the school is going to do to help him cope before that.

So I would suggest: starting to keep a diary with dates, of your interactions with the school, especially recording things they say they will do; talk to his nursery/pre-school or child minder and get their opinion, keep a record of this; contact your local parent partnership. They should be able to give you more detailed advice, and support.

Also post on the SEN section to get a lot more support (even if he doesn't have a SEN in the end).

Ok I will do that. I will take him to dr because I don't want him to be sad and misunderstood but i don't want to be pushed into accepting label for him that I instinctively don't feel is right, so a bit scared about the whole thing and have huge mistrust.

Turn it back to school- ask them what they are going to do with their concerns.

If the teacher is as concerned as she seems to be -rightly or wrongly- then she should be referring him to the SENCo, who should in turn be referring him to the Educational Psychologist, who can assess him.

Would you support further assessment?

Totally agree with the previous post. May i just ask/add before going to School did your son go to Nursery or Play School- how did he get on then?

Does your son enjoy going to School and has he made any friends?

If his behaviour is so different at School versus Home there might/could be other reasons for the behaviour. Which may need investigating!

He was fine save very very loving and cuddly which is fine but thought a bit overly affectionate. Went to nursery since 6 months. At 4 years all his friends went to school and he had a huge wobbly and nursery struggled with him, he became very anxious and wet himself constantly, took him to dr and dr decided it was anxiety and I agreed. That was when he developed the button thing. We moved him to another nursery where there were more kids his age and he loved it, he also went to pre school for a year and was fine.

hmmmmm

I would ask for a meeting with the teacher and the SENCO (i presume she has spoken to the SENCO about this already?)

Then I would go through her list and say what you think of each thing, and how you find him at home etc etc and see where that gets you.

Generally speaking referrals to the community paediatricians are done by the school, so I am unsure why the teacher is suggesting you see the GP. GP's can refer, but in general they really prefer school to do it so it seems really odd to me that she is tellign you to go and sort it out?

If she genuinely thinks that he may be on the autistic spectrum then she needs to be looking into what school can do to help him, and that means involving senco etc, so do ask if she has done that,.

It's very common for children with ASD to be completely different at home and at school. In our case it was the other way round, terrible at home but great at school and it took a lot of convincing to get him referred and we did eventually have to go through the GP

Right now I wouldn't be seeing the GP unless you can see any real benefit in it? I would be talking to the school, as I say, with the SENCO present too and basically going through this list and seeing what the pair of them say when you explain that you have zero concerns... If they are still worried then THEY can make the referral to the paediatricians

He does seem to enjoy school, likes teachers, activities and has made very close friends, lots of parties and joins in, seems popular.

Thisisyesterday, do you think the behaviours I have listed do indicate that this could be ASD? Or something else?

to be honest the symptoms vary so much from child to child it's really hard to say.

I would honestly say that your instinct is the best thing to go on. I've met so many people on here and in real life who "knew" something wasn't right with their child and had to battle to find out what it was, and it works the other way too... if you feel really strongly that he is actually ok, or maybe just hypersensitive then I'd say you are probably right because you know him better than anyone else.

I think it's possible to find autistic traits in most people if you look hard enough, after all it's a spectrum. but having a few traits does not an autistic person make! you need to think about frequency of these behaviours, and how much it affects day to day life.

for example, you mention being highly strung and having meltdowns. That is common in children with ASD, but it's also something that a lot of NT kids do too... it might just be more intense and more frequent in a child with autism

based JUST on what you have said in this thread I can't see any particular reason to think that he has autism, but i've never met him and I'm going on limited information :-)

if the school had said nothing would you have had any concerns about him?

He can do odd things but can't we all, and we have always treated these as idiosyncrasies, we never felt it added up enough to be concerned. The teacher clearly has concerns and I suppose then we do because why else would she raise this. If the teacher hadn't said anything then we would have continued on blissfully unaware of any issues.

I think you need to get a referal just to set your mind at rest.
I went through something similar when my DS was at nursery, the Manager suggested maybe he had epilepsy. He was checked (twice because of his age) and there was nothing. I later learnt the Manager had a son with epilepsy, which explained why she jumped to that conclusion; in fact he is dyslexic, and to cope with sensory overload sometimes "zones out".

Agreed, thanks, all sensible advice and much appreciated.

think your best bet is to sit down and go through her list with her. ask her why she is concerned about each thing.

for example, hiding under the table... does he do it a lot? does he do it at specific times (ie when it's really noisy/busy?), why does she think that this isn't something that any other child might do?

wiping his own bottom... does he ask them to do it? if he can do it at home then not an issue? maybe he just doesn't like the toilet paper there? maybe he can't reach it?

being gone ages in the bathroom... has she said to him not to play in there and to come straight back? do other children do this or is it just him? how often does it happen? maybe he just likes the fact that he can stay away from the class and have a play?

I'd be looking for some real evidence that this isn't just normal childhood behaviour tbh, and I think that's why you need the SENCO there too because s/he will hopefully have plenty of experience and be able to give her own opinion on whether this is normal or not

Come on to the Special needs children boards.

OP where I live (Kent) I was told that if the school referred to the Community Paed it would take longer than if the GP referred.

We have just gone through the same as you with a DS that started school in Sept. Again, like you his teachers noted traits that would suggest he was on the autism spectrum. Hearing her words were quite simply like a knife in my heart.

Like you I was willing to cooperate for DS, because when I can be objective I see where her concerns lie (he is a funny little soul) but also so anxious to avoid labelling. Sorry to anyone that is offended by that, it's the way I feel.

We have now had an initial assessment with a private child psychologist (thank you DHs PHC), her initial assessment is that DS is immature in some areas. We are to revisit the situation in a years time. So we breathe out and wait.

School are relieved, we are relieved and we'll regroup in 12 months.

From a bit further on I'd counsel you to go to the GP, and take it from there. I found it really, really hard. I just wanted to wrap DS up and take him away. In the weeks before Christmas I found being a grown up very hard. But it is better for your DS to understand if he has traits that his teachers need to be able to accommodate and that has to be the deciding factor.

Good luck.