At very end of my tether with anti-social, negative 4 yr old

[Gargula]

Title says it all!
My DS is 4 yrs 3 months and is a very negative little man. Every new thing we try (such as football group, swimming lessons, tennis etc) he is incredibly negative about before we've even attended a session. He is incredibly averse to trying new things.
If he does give things a go, and even if he has fun, he'll always say "I don't want to do that again.."
I also worry about his social skills. He attends nursery in pm's 5 afternoons a week but does not seem to really like any of the other children there. He is incredibly jealous and possessive still and I think that this really restricts his play with the other children.
Last week I overheard another child say "i don't want to sit next to DS", and I am so concerned that this may be a pattern which is developing.
We have friends round regularly to try and help develop his sharing and social skills and I do try to persist with trying new things (though we gave up football group as a total dead loss!)
Any other suggestions?

Sorry slightly rambling, am rushing!!

Maybe he's just not ready for swimmimg, tennis etc as four is still really young imo. I wouldn't worry too much :)

No experience really, but is the negative attidue something he's learned from someone close maybe? Or could he frightened of trying new things and tries to hide it by pretending not to want to do them? Just guesses obviously, sorry if off the mark.

Ha ha jackplum - that's exactly what my Dad says ("we never took you to any of that stuff etc etc") so you may well be right.
But I AM concerned about what I see as a lack of social skills. Some days he seems to play with others very well, but these are few and far between!

Yes I was thinking he's still very little! Tennis!!! My ds1 started football at 5, but didn't really get on with it, so we stopped. I didn't think he was being negative. He'd rather play at home. So? My ds1 went through a phase of not wanting to wear any new clothes (grown out of) or taste new food (still in that one!). Sounds like you are a bit pushy.

It sounds like he's unhappy. Is he? What things make him happy? Quiet things? Arty things? PLaying games? Watching TV with you? Do more of them and don't be cross when he can't handle new things. Does he have one friend he gets on with, and you can focus on that relationship to help him. Learn what makes him tick, and then stretch him a little bit, but not to the extent you are doing.

Tbh, you come across as rather negative. I can sympathise as my ds1 is much harder work emotionally than my ds2. But you do need to accept him for who he is, especially if he is very different to you. My ds1 is also behind academically which is v hard for me (I always excelled), but I try and look at all the lovely things about him. He is a very sweet, kind child. He's super sensitive and emotional and very empathetic. He cries more when others are hurt than when he's hurt.

He's still very little to be worrying about clubs, and is he just a cautious wee thing generally?
Maybe you need to model some positive behaviour for him, go and try something new and chat with him about it - "Ooooh Mummy's going to ......... tonight, I've never done it before so I'm very excited but a little nervous of what it's going to be like", then afterwards rave on about it "That was so much fun I'm going again next week, I enjoyed it so much and there were lovely people there". You know, over emphasise the positives.

He is only 4. He probably isn't ready for these activities yet, and is getting very stressed out.

Let him do the things he enjoys. Talk to him, find out what makes him tick.

If he is happy spending one to one time with you, just do it as much as you can. This time is precious. Once he goes to school, there won't be as much time to do this.

much sympathy, it's hard, especially when other parents are stealth-boasting about how much their child enjoyed such-and-such an activity.

But there's no way forward except to go right back to where he is (not where you feel he should be) and be with him there.

He sounds anxious and a sense of you being disappointed in him will only fuel that.

4 is a tough age. It really is. I started a whole thread about it once! :)

I don't think you sound pushy or negative just concerned.

I would hold off on the sports and lessons for a bit. Just let him play at home and see what it is he really enjoys. Have a friend over every now and then to work on sharing.

Have you talked to his teachers?

Thanks there's some good advice here.
Perhaps he does feel a little "pushed" by me, not necessarily to be "good" at any of these things, but perhaps gets a little sick of me asking "have you enjoyed it", or "do you want to try X again".
I don't ask him about his time at nursery for just this reason - I think it makes him back-off.
I know I mentioned the groups and activities, but really my main concern is the fact that he does not seem to WANT to play with other children particularly. I have spoken in passing to his nursery teachers and they did not raise any concerns beyond the fact he is rather boisterous at nursery and can play rough games with other boys.
And lingle, yes to feeling like I have to keep up with the other kids and their various activities!!

My DS1 is 6, when he was 4 he really wasn't bothered about playing with other children. Now he is in year 1 and gets on well with most of his class, but he doesn't have a "best friend" and would never ask me if he could have a friend over to play. I wouldn't call him anti-social, he just likes his own company and I don't see that as a bad thing. My DS2 on the other hand is very sociable and loves other children! DD is somewhere in between - she has a couple of close friends but can be shy around children she doesn't know.

I agree with MerryMarigold, try to accept him for the person he is, even if it seems odd to you - maybe you are very sociable so expect him to be too?

does he tell you WHY he doesn't like the things that you have tried?

i can only echo what has been said above - find out what he DOES like and concentrate on those things. Don't worry too much about him not interacting with other children all that much yet. Just try to make sure he is a confident little boy so when he starts school he will make friends.

He's very little. Back off a bit. Coax him out of his chrysalis too early and he might not fly. Wait for him and take his lead.

Ds1 is now 23. When he was 4 he was not a sociable child. He hated parties, found playgroup and nursery very stressful, hated crowded places. I did worry about him quite a lot.

He is extremely intelligent, is a real party animal, very sociable, has run several successful businesses, he actually seemed to grow into himself at the age of about 7 or 8.

Give your Ds time and space to develop at his own pace. He is still very young.

Thanks everyone. Was having bad day but I do think I need to give DS space and let him choose more of what he wants to do.
3littlefrogs thanks for that. I think I do worry that because he is not particularly social now he will stay that way, so thanks for reminding me that this isn't the case!

He is quite young for all those activities. I wonder how many of today's professional players were taken along to a football group at four. I am guessing - none!

Don't worry too much about him making friends at nursery. They are only there for a short while each and have no regular seat and are moving from activity to activity. DCs are much more likely to make friends at primary school as they are there all day, often regularly sit with a particular group, have lunch together and go out to play together.

Continuing to have friends round regularly really is the best thing you can do for him at the moment.