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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

3 week old baby won't sleep anywhere except on us or in our bed with us. Help!

40 replies

zambooloo · 18/01/2012 12:14

Our baby is very clingy. She will only fall asleep in our arms and will only stay asleep for any length of time if in our arms or in our bed with us at night.

She hates the moses basket - we have tried heating the mattress with a hot water bottle, putting my partner's t shirt in there and putting it on an angle. Nothing has helped.

She will tolerate the bouncy chair for short periods if we put her in there while asleep.

I'm just struggling to get anything done as if she is awake we can't put her down anywhere without her crying.

People keep telling us we are making a rod for our own backs by having her sleep in the bed with us and by holding her so much but it is the only way we can get any sleep. Also my partner is sleeping on an air bed as we were worried about lack of space in the bed so this can't really go on much longer as he is already suffering from backache.

This is our 1st baby so we really don't know if this is normal/ how long it will last etc. Any thoughts/ suggestions are very welcome. Thank you.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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blackoutthesun · 18/01/2012 12:21

stop worrying she is still only tiny

don't worry about the 'rod for your own back' comments. dd only ever slept on me or in my bed

she is 10 months now and will only sleep in her cot, don't even get cuddles anymore

my advice would be enjoy it, forget housework or whatever and put your feet up

Justonecheese · 18/01/2012 12:22

We had exactly the same. Although I got a bad back/neck from sleeping in some very awkward positions it really was the only way we could all get some sleep.

Eventually we managed to at least get DD to sleep in Moses basket for the first few hours, then after feed she would only sleep on me. This then, over the months, became her sleeping in the Moses basket most of the time.

Thing with me was that I actually didn't mind. She had a very traumatic entrance to the world and had to go to SCBU after birth so we were separated :( Because of that I never wanted to put her down once we were home.

So I am perhaps not the best person to give advice on this sort of thing if you feel it is a problem for you.

I will say that from 7 months she was in her own room and in a cot where she remains age 2, so we did not end up co-sleeping even though we did for the first few months.

TrinityRhino · 18/01/2012 12:23

she is absolutely teensy tiny

she is learning to cope with being outside of your womb

just go with it

get your partner to do some minimal housework

and put your feet up with the baby

congratulations

Justonecheese · 18/01/2012 12:27

Congratulations by the way :)

Enjoy the cuddles!

Original poster

zambooloo · 18/01/2012 12:28

Thank you - I don't mind at all really, it's just the comments we get about trouble in the future and the fact that my partner isn't even in bed with us is rubbish - how do you fit all 3 of you in the bed?

This is what we are doing now... bed is in middle of room (not against a wall). We have a firm cushion at one side, baby in middle and me on other side, no room for my partner. How did you all manage it?

OP posts:

RottenRow · 18/01/2012 12:41

I'm sure you can get lots of good advice on here about cosleeping safely.

My dd2 was the same as you described. After 2 weeks I took her to a cranialsacropath/chiropractor who said her pelvis was twisted and her spine protruding. After the first session she slept in her Moses basket for 5 hours that night. It may have been a coincidence and it was not cheap but if money is there I would say what have you got to lose.

And don't pay any attention to the rod comments. Follow your own instinsts.

Justonecheese · 18/01/2012 12:44

Ignore the comments, honestly as time goes on you will learn to let it all wash over you. It is hard as a first time mum as you don't really know what you are doing though, I remember it well!

Well I admit yes, my DF didn't tend to sleep in the bed with us in those early months, but he snores anyway so that didn't bother me too much

We had a similar cushion set up to you...

Could you buy a king size bed? We should have done this. Wouldn't have solved DF's snoring though.....

grubbalo · 18/01/2012 12:45

We have big bed and have me one side, baby in the middle, DH on the other side. Sometimes the 2 year old gets on my other side - thankfully the 4 year old sleeps through!! But as you can see this is DC3 so I am not nearly as worried as I was with DC1!!

Are you bf? (It is relevant, I'm not being judgy...)!

ragged · 18/01/2012 12:49

She sounds lovely (I know, I know, easy for me to say not kept awake all night).
You might be able to condition her to putting up with the other places, just put her there very briefly & try to get her to settle, see if she improves & will stay longer without being unhappy.

She is very very little.

blackoutthesun · 18/01/2012 12:50

dp slept on the living room floor for the first 5 months

we did anything just to make sure we all got sleep

Original poster

zambooloo · 18/01/2012 12:50

I was bf but it all went really wrong - I was gutted. No one could get her to latch on, we saw so many people and no one could explain why it wasn't working!

So is it safe to have the baby in between you both in the bed?

OP posts:

nickelhasababy · 18/01/2012 12:50

definitely ignore the comments.
We've got a 5week+2, and she will only sleep with us. We've given up trying not to.
She wouldn't stay in her moses basket during the day either - when we went to have dinner, she would mither and wimper and then bawl. On Sunday, she started off doing that, when we sat down for dinner, and we hesitated, and as soon as we went over to pick her up,she stopped.
She hasn't done that since, though, and i'm certainly not suggesting you don't go to her when she's crying.
She's being a very happy girl today - she went on my chest and stopped crying (and didn't even root for food! (she'd been fed half an hour before, but normally she roots whenever I hold her :( )), and I've put her in her pram for a nap, and she's gone off without crying.

The times that you do that will increase in weeks and months to come.
Tiny babies are clingy because they need that security.
You are their everything at the moment, it's not needy, it's nature.

PeggyCarter · 18/01/2012 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nickelhasababy · 18/01/2012 12:51

sorry - x-posts. Did you have her checked for tongue tie?
it might not be too late to sort it.

IT is safe for her to be between you both in bed, that's how we do it.
Just make sure she can't get covered by the duvet or the pillows.

Original poster

zambooloo · 18/01/2012 12:53

Bed guard is an excellent idea - can I ask where you bought it? Was it expensive?

OP posts:

HouseworkProcrastinator · 18/01/2012 12:55

My first was like this, I actually slept for months with her on my chest. When she started being able to role over she slept in her cot, spent a week rolling he on to her back in her sleep only to find her on her front ten mins later, then i gave up... she just didn't like sleeping on her back. Still sleeps on belly at 5.

I am in no way saying put her down on her front. But I am sure when she is bigger and can move more she will find a position that is comfy for her and sleep better. Must be awful just to have to stay where you are put.

Original poster

zambooloo · 18/01/2012 12:55

Yes, no tongue tie - I don't understand why it went so wrong. She was fine for the 1st week then almost overnight she just decided she wasn't interested any more!

OP posts:

HotBurrito1 · 18/01/2012 13:01

Both of ours co-slept until we ran out of room. Only downside was nappy leaks! Bed guards aren't expensive, mothercare, all baby shops do them. Also cots which fit alongside your bed with only three sides can be useful for some people.

PeggyCarter · 18/01/2012 13:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blackteaplease · 18/01/2012 13:04

Zambooloo, it will get better honestly. Ignore everyone else. Dh slept in a different bed for the first few weeks so that he could get some rest (he has a 1hr commute to drive). After that we were all in our room and we just popped dd in the middle of us, plenty of room. As long as you follow the safe sleep guidelines about smoking, drinking etc it is fine.

Now at 2, dd is in her own room but is having night terrors so comes in to our bed for part of the night. Admittedly we did upsize to a king so there is plenty of room.

HotBurrito1 · 18/01/2012 13:05

congratulations btw

marthastew · 18/01/2012 13:05

This is totally normal tiny baby behaviour. Get a bedside cot - made the first few months much easier for us. As did not listening to the 'rod for your own back' comments.

blackteaplease · 18/01/2012 13:06

Also, when she is a bit older you can use a sling, then she gets cuddles and security and you get to have your hands free.

franke · 18/01/2012 13:10

If you want to potter around during the day you could put her in a sling.

When ours were little we co-slept and we also took a side off the cot and tied it to our bedframe. We put lots of padding and cushions around and it worked really well. Then a few months down the line the transition to the cot and away from the bed was fairly trauma-free.

But I agree with others here - she's really tiny. Sit and cuddle her for a few weeks - this special time will be over before you know it.

Original poster

zambooloo · 18/01/2012 13:16

Thank you everyone - really good advice. Going to get the bed guard - will make such a difference for dp to have a night in a proper bed!

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