Does anyone else have a DS who really really wants to be a girl?

[skidd]

DS has just turned 4 is is currently being assessed for AS/HFA which may or not be related. However, he is obsessed with the idea of being a girl. He wear his sister's pink pyjamas, insists on a 'girlie' duvet cover and pink sheet, asks me daily if he can try some lipstick, and wears a princess dress over his clothes most days. This I can cope with, in fact I am absolutely fine with. What I find slightly more disconcerting is his insistence that he will be a lady/mummy when he grows up, wanting to wear actual girls clothes (as in tights/leggings/skirt etc) to school and out and about (we have said yes a couple of times but I can't bear the looks he gets, although he is oblivious). He gets very upset if we say he can't wear girls clothes and very very upset if I tell him he is a boy and won't grow up into a woman (I even told him about sex change operations on one occasion when he was getting really distressed about it ).

My questions are:

• is this common and if so do most boys grow out of it by say 6 or 7?
• Should I just let him wear what he likes and bugger what anyone thinks?

The second question is difficult because he is already quite vulnerable in the sense that he doesn't have friends and children are inclined to tease him due to his unusual (ASD-esqe) behaviour anyway so obviously I don't want to fan the flames. But at the same time I want him to know that we love him for who he is - and if he turns out to be a cross-dresser/transexual (I mean who knows?!) that's fine.

Any opinions very welcome

In most cases, it's a phase they grow out of so I wouldn't start arranging a sex change just yet. I spent an entire summer living as a tree when I was little.

Don't think I'd let him go to school as a girl, this would open him to serious bullying and further his social isolation. I think you need to make clear that if he goes to school wearing a pink tutu the other kids will pick on him.

DS1 (4.5) is in a pink princess phase; has been for nearly a year. He goes to school in uniform but says he doesn't like trousers. DH isn't keen on him going out in a skirt but we have compromised with a kilt (part Scottish) or purple trousers. Plays with Barbies given half a chance, liked having his nails painted, but knows which colours etc are "boys' colours" and which are "girls' colours".

However, he's bright, outgoing and popular at school - and loves being on stage.

Would prefer it if it is just a phase otherwise he will end up getting bullied at some point, I'm sure. Having said that, I hate the phrases "boys' colours" and "girls' colours" and the pinkification of all things girly. Don't remember it being like this when I was his age in the dingy 70s.

at not booking him in for a sex change op quite yet

Interesting that a lot of phases seem to be relatively short (a summer, a few weeks) - I wonder if that is relevant - DS has been talking about being a girl for well over a year

I think my DS wanted to be a girl for 2 - 3 years. So not particularly short.