my son not behaving with stepmum

[Frenchy19]

hello, my son is 7 years old and is answering back to his stepmum. their relationship was fine, as i thought, when i discovered my son was not talking to his stepmum properly. for him it is a bit of banter but his stepmum takes it to heart and is upset, so much she doesn't feel she can look after him after school. his dad has changed job and finishes later than he used to. i instigated a conversation with her advising her not to answer back to him, not to get upset, tell him to talk to her properly and behave. i also talked to my ex-husband to ask him to support her and tell our son off when he is not talking to her properly. can anybody help me with tips for their relationship to get better please? thanks.

Would a reward chart that goes with him between houses to show joined up parenting help?

Not been in this situation but you seem quite friendly to the stepmum. Can the three of you get together with your DS and show a united front? Talk about how the rules are the same at both houses?

thanks for your quick response, we have tried the chart but think we are doing one more to put in his bedroom to remind him to behave. we have talked together already, i think he is just playing up with her and his dad. he does behave like this with me but i tell him off and/or my boyfriend backs me up. we talk to each other which is good. thanks!

Is she quite a new stepmum? Maybe he's testing the boundaries. If she doesn't have her own children then perhaps her DH needs to point her in the right direction regarding discipline?

they have known each other nearly three years now and she said he was ok with her before. she has a one year old (his half brother) so guess she spends less time with him. her husband is not very supportive and defends his son over her. i told him he should support her more then she tells his (our) son off or punishes him. bit complicated!

Oh yes it does sound a bit complicated. Maybe your DS is feeling a wee bit jealous? Hoping someone else can help you soon!

i think he does as he is getting older. thanks for messages i appreciate!

Oh I wish you were my DH's ex, you sound fab!! My DSS (8) can be a bit cheeky to me but his Dad telling him off/ backing me up if I tell him off myself definitely helps. If he thinks he's got his Dad on side, he's far worse. I think you're doing the right thing in speaking all together, charts etc..

My DSS also gets very nervous if he thinks Dad is going to tell Mum when he's been naughty and vice versa so perhaps making it very clear that you will hear about it might help.

I feel bad now.. My DH's ex is a great mum and support to my DH in co parenting their son and it shows in what a wonderful boy he is. That her and I don't have a relationship is what I meant about wishing you were my DH's ex iyswim!

thanks that makes me happy cos we talk and communicate to each other and even celebrate his birthday with my mum and dad! thanks for support even if no advice, it's good to know im doing the right thing!

thanks you for saying you wish i was you DH's ex lol! i think most people will be surprised to hear an ex-wife giving advice to her ex-husband... but hey i would like my son to have a good relationship with his stepmum. good lesson to everyone who puts their kids before themselves!