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which behaviours should i ignore?

5 replies

familyfun · 15/01/2012 22:33

dd is good at school but cheeky/naughty/rude at home, but we feel like all we do is tell her off, dd dont do this dd dont do that and need a better balance so we want to praise her more and ignore the ignorable. which of these would you ignore? dd is 4.6 and in reception.

hitting/rough play with us or dd2 (14 months)
shouting "no i wont" to requests
asking rudely for things "i want a drink, get me a snack"
bouncing on furniture
snatching toys
teasing dd2
refusing to get ready/get in bath
refusing to have hair done/get coat on
rocking chair at dinner
turning round at dinner and then spilling dinner on floor
sitting not eating at table for as long as possible
being as slow as possible in mornings
not doing anything without being asked, as in sitting on toilet till asked to wipe herself and get off, then has to be asked to wash hands etc
demanding stuff in shops
answering back
screeching loudly when dd2 asleep

thanks

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bobbledunk · 15/01/2012 23:13

Don't ignore any of them, lavish her with praise when she does things right though. Make her want to be good by the benefit of positive attention.

PoodleShyt · 15/01/2012 23:28

I would not ignore as such but lesser "punishments" for teasing and not eating at the dinner table.

Be harsh. Take away privileges and don't feel bad about it. If she misbehaves, ban cartoons for a week, if she still misbehaves remove the consoles too. Don't send her to her room either that's where all her toys are. Send her to a naughty chair or yours and don't let her get off that bed or chair until she's calmed down if she throws a hissy fit for being sent there. Don't do it for a politically correct minute for every year of her life - it don't work, send her there for as long as it takes to stop the misbehaving.

If she refuses to eat dinner let her still sit with the family anyway, if she wont eat or does distracting things, ignore it, if she still can participate send her to the naughty place. If she isn't hungry for dinner she wont be hungry for anything else and keep stating that, reheat her food when she gets hungry later or simply go without for the evening, she wont starve. We don't do treats or other cooking later to cater for fussies in this house. Perhaps even involve her in cooking a meal for the family and comment on how lovely it, she will be more likely to eat it, buy her a little chefs hat and apron to get involved a couple of nights a week, it will make her feel "older" and "special".

Try to encourage her to be as independant as possible in her hygiene and toilet use. Praise her when she does things herself and off her own back. Perhaps buy her a childs hand wash and childs loo wipes with her favourite characters on. Make her feel like a big girl when she does it.

If she asks for something rudely simply refuse her request until she says "please" and make that clear too, no "please" no drinks. Enforce manners and teach her that manners earn things.

I know it might sound like harsh parenting and not everyones cup of tea but it bloody works. So for the judgemental my 5 year old has been able to sit in a posh restuarant with adults since the age of 3.5, join in conversations and be quiet and colour, etc without creating a fuss. He is very polite and eats whatever he is given, seafood, foreign street food, mushrooms, greenery and even asked for seconds on a vindaloo (describes it as "a little bit spicy" and his favourite food is "camembert") but I did all the above and believe me he has been a brat but very very rarely do we have any trouble. My DP (his step dad) is alot older than me so has a more older fashioned outlook on bringing up children so I've learnt from him, the same era as my own mum and dad and let me tell you it works better than the tree hugging rubbish in parenting books of today.

familyfun · 16/01/2012 09:40

thanks, wee today i did a list of things to do before school, ie wash,brush teeth etc and gave dd the list, once all were ticked off she could watch some tv, she completed the list by 7.50 so got 30 mins of tv and reading before the school run, didnt have to nag her once and she loved the list. i also did her a behaviour chart and gave her ticks for playing with sister and being polite, she got 3 ticks and wasnt naughty once and went to school happy.
i am going to be praising the good like mad but coming down more consistently on the bad.
if she doesnt ask nicely i will not give her anything.
i will remove toys as a punishment.
dp is older than me but he is far softer than me and gives in to dd alot.
dd loves cooking with me and helps with dinner, she is a good eater, she eats almost anything i cook, its just she likes to get attention by being nagged to eat as she just sits there till we threaten to remove dinner then she tries to rush it down. if she leaves her dinner she gets nothing else.
she has no consoles, no tv in room, only books but i use step as naughty place as i want her room to be her relaxing reading sleep place.
thanks for advice so far.

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mrspepperpotty · 16/01/2012 14:27

I wouldn't ignore any of these but I wouldn't punish all of them. Eg not saying please, being slow, needing to be asked to do things and asking for things in shops - I think these are pretty much par for the course, and I have resigned myself to repeating the phrases 'what's the magic word?' and 'shoes on, please!' a LOT over the next few years without getting stressed about it!

The more serious things like hitting, snatching and deliberately spilling her food need to be dealt with more firmly IMO.

familyfun · 16/01/2012 14:50

i know some of it is normal being a 4 yr old who is tired from school.
she is much worse when any of her grandparents are around, she starts to "show off" saying i can do this and that and gets really cheeky ordering everyone around and they start tutting at her saying oh dear and she gets told off everytime. i think she gets over excited to see them and cant control herself as she is a bit like it the first 15 mins dp gets home too.

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