19 mo DD trouble calming down for bed time...help??

[greenshoot19]

my dd has only been walking for about a month, but i've noticed since this time (and a few weeks beforehand) she has had real trouble calming down for bed, which i've heard is not uncommon. we've always had the same kind of routine; bath, getting into pjs and a bit of in the night garden plus a drink of milk and this has always worked, but it seems its no longer doing the trick! she now gives a blood-curdling scream as soon as we turn the light out and walk away. we've tried cuddles, leaving her to cry it out a bit, reading books, extending calming down time etc. but none of this changes the fact she still screams for a time before going to sleep. is it just a phase and she'll soon adjust or is there something we're missing?? could she be over-tired, maybe we're not feeding her as much as she needs now she's running around? any suggestions?? thanks :)

I would cut out the telly before bedtime (old school), go for 20mns quiet reading, then put her down, maybe with a 'light show' or mobile, or just leave the door open, and put a bit of music on downstairs so she knows you're about.

Re. overtired, is she still napping in the afternoon? One of mine dropped naps altogether at that age, so I started putting him down an hour earlier. The other one napped to 3 - can vary enormously, but watch for cues (e.g. eye-rubbing, yawning) and let that be your guide.

Could cutting out the tv and reading a book instead help? I have nothing against the tv but it is more stimulating than reading IMO.

thanks thats an idea about the TV. with reading, she is just too active to sit still long enough for me to do it for any great length of time at the moment, but i suppose the novelty of running around will wear off!

With most things, if you persist - sometimes it takes months - they eventually accept it as part of their routine. My DS tried to eat his books for the first 6mths (OK, he was 6mths when we started books at bedtime) - but by the time he got to 12mths, he could turn pages, lift flaps, seemed to concentrate etc. It's a great habit to get into, and really helps them later on with language and reading etc.

Ds doesn't sit still when I read to him either, I just carry on reading aloud to myself while he plays in his room. Some of the time I even just read aloud whatever I am reading at the time

Plus, as we can't bath him every night due to his eczema I make sure he never really plays in his room unless it's the hour before bedtime which I think helps as he knows his room = bedtime.

I find my DD2 is worse going to bed if she's very tired. She becomes almost hyper and goes past being able to sleep.

I'd suggest shifting it all forward a little bit, maybe half an hour or so, and also agree re getting rid of the TV. Bath, couple of stories and then settle down time.

ah yes, thanks, i was forgetting persistence, the key to overcoming any obstacle!!

It's a phase. Do agree with cutti g put the tv at bedtime as well though and I'm far from anti tv.
Ds2 is my 3rd and this time I always know when he is embarking on something new because I realised from the other 2 this phase starts. It has happened with crawling, walking and just now talking. It starts a week or two before and last a wee while after the new thing appears. I can see ds2's mind in overdrive and working away figuring out his next move.
I don't really have any solution really apart from waiting it out and doing what you always do until it passes although one thing my neighbours often see me doing is a quick walk around the block with ds2 him walking too before bath and bedtime. He lives getting to walk outside and it is often enough to just tire him out enough to stop the manic excitement of being able to run around at bedtime.

thanks everyone. magneto i love that you carry on reading aloud even if its to yourself! i will have to give that a go. I will try confining calm down time to the bedroom, that might help too (as opposed to dd being able to run back an forth from the kitchen to the lounge!).

Ds and a few of his peers started to get a little iffy with sleep at this age. He's now 2.2 and still has a go on occasion.

We found it's generally tiredness that causes it. As she's just started walking is it possible she's more tired and you need to pull bedtime back a bit. 15 mins might be enough.

We do use the telly but only between dinner and bath. Goodnight song is cue for bathtime. (I get all stabby when they don't do the song -like tonight- because he thinks he's getting to watch waybuloo) After bath is stories/milk/teeth then bed with one song. He's started being funny about the dark too so we leave the landing light on til we go to bed.

If we need to put him down early due to short nap or esp busy day we spend less time in the bath and try to choose shorter stories.

Oh god i feel like a really rubbish mum now. My little one is 18months old and very much on his feet running around everywhere. Come 8oclock, it is bed time. I take him to bed, get him into his pj's give him a cuddle, kiss him good night, come out and say mummy loes you very much as i shut the door, he normally goes straight down, but if he does start screaming (usually due to overtiredness) i leave him for 5minutes....its extremely rare i need to go back in! It works for us!

Oh Ellen, don't feel rubbish! I don't read to ds everynight (as I'm too knackered mostly) and at weekends when he wakes me up at stupid o'clock in the morning I spend a good while lying on the sofa with Buffy the Vampire Slayer CBeebies on the TV to keep me him entertained while I try to wake up! (He dances when he hears the theme tune now )

Your bedtime routine sounds like it works fine for you... I think it's pretty much swings and roundabouts with most children for instance I put ds to bed at 7.30 tonight and I can still hear him playing in his cot. I won't go in unless he starts crying and then I do the same as you - resettle then leave for 5 mins and repeat until he's asleep.

I did try reading to him but he just wants to run around, so to improve his vocabulary i have started to read to him while he eats his dinner. His latest word is grandad...he said it looking directly at my sisters partner, hellooo gran dad. So cute and was smiling at the same time...melted my heart and made us all laugh! He wont stop saying it now! So he must be learning still anyway. Why wont he sit with me. He will if he is in paid or not feeling well, then he clings to mummy. Bless him.

My DD2 is 18mo and has just come out the other side of it.

From December for about 6 weeks she screamed as soon as we left the room - she always used to settle herself and we could walk off leaving her awake and happy.

I put it down to separation anxiety and DH and I have spent the last 6 weeks staying with her while she drops off and trying to creep out the room (I have had to slide out of her room on my back, like a snake so she doesn't see me go). She also woke at night and we had to do the same.

Just this week, she's suddenly stopped doing it. Which is great. I think 18mo is a peak age for separation anxiety, she's obviously just come out the other side of it.

Would be happy days but we just moved her into a toddler bed for the first time tonight so we are probably due a few more broken nights while she gets used to that

Aww that's great! Ds's only clear words are Daddy, meow and woof so reading Les Miserables and A Tale of Two Cities to him doesn't seem to have helped much (although my choice of reading material may be why he won't sit still ) and yes, I completely sympathise with only being wanted if there's something wrong...the only time he says "mummum" is when he's upset!

i have wondered whether its partly separation anxiety, and have tried to stay with her while she falls to sleep, but it backfires on me as me being there seems to aggravate her further because i don't pick her up! bless! i don't want to be mean not always cuddling her when she cries (especially if she is scared :( ) but also don't want to create a bad habit of her relying on me picking her up/coming in our bed to go to sleep especially if she's not scared at all and just trying it on! oh to be a mind reader!