Anger Management Strategies

[ohdearwhatdoidonow]

My gorgeous, funny, independent, self-determined, wilful, clever, affectionate 10 yr old DS has been referred at school for anger "therapy". This is with a TA he really doesn't like, and is once a week.

His anger is normally triggered by feelings of injustice - this week he lost his temper (not violently) with his friend who didn't follow the "rules" of tick properly. The teacher said "she could see it in his face".

Now my elder DS was similar - especially with competitive sports, but seems to have come through that period just fine without any intervention. He captains his football team and rugby team, and is well respected by his peers.

So - do I let them get on with it, do I ignore it, or do I do stuff at home to help him??

Any advice very welcome.

I used to be in charge of a school's behavioural support team.

Personally, I would think AM with a TA who pushes his buttons anyway would be the worst thing in the world - I worked (until my redundancy) very much in a child centred way - if the child didn't want to work with me, or felt they didn't "click" I would either refer to another member of my team or to another agency.

Is the TA going to be using worksheets or talking strategies? Worksheets can help, but I find it more useful to simply talk and draw - otherwise it becomes a "lesson" and again a lot of children do not respond.

If you'd rather do things at home, try googling "solution focussed approach" and anger management - a lot of my work used these strategies and I think they're brilliant. I can also suggest some if you'd like - let me know.

Some of the conversations I have had with "sporty" children and explaining anger are about adrenaline - how it is a big burst of energy that makes us want to win, gives us strength and a burst of speed and is a positive use. Anger gives us the same burst of adrenaline (it's our "monkey brain" - the part of our brain that is still cavemanesque and gives us the fight or flight response). Anger is perfectly natural, as is that biological response - but we have to learn what to do with it instead of shouting, screaming, hitting etc.

7-11 breathing is a good calming technique. Breathe in through the nose for a slow count of 7, out through the mouth for 11.

A lot of successful anger management is how you "sell" it. If the person delivering the sessions can get the child to "buy into" the success, it will be more likely to work - which is why it being delivered by someone the child likes is so important.

Thank you so much for your response. I'm in school Monday and so I will find out more about how they plan the sessions, and the techniques they use.

I will also google.

Once again cheers
x

Hope you got on well today.

Hi so sorry thought I'd replied. My Ex H and I went in to see the Learning Mentor. She was very good and I was surprised tbh. She talked about his behaviour in school, and asked about it at home.

I have had to make a pretty tough decision. He plays rugby, and for the past 12 months despite rationally thinking it would be an outlet for his anger it's caused him more frustration. He plays up, gets wound up, gets made to sit out, is dropped or subbed. And half the team are also in his class so it's a bit of a vicious circle. I told him last night he is stopping for a season. He was exceptionally upset. I explained it wasn't a punishment, but a way of helping him focus. We're now talking of other activities he can do that will hep him explore his other talents, and he's decided on music lessons.

The school are basiclly giving the learning mentorig a term. 45 minute session twice per week. If there is no improvement they will recommend he gets "tested". I was that all over the place I didn't ask what for!!

He has now had his first session, and seems ok about it.

Thank you.