2yo reduced me to tears..help

[FlirtyThirty]

I adore my son...he is a bright, mischievous, lovely 2.8yo.
For the last week though he has been nothing but emotionally draining, culminating in me sitting and crying in front of him this afternoon.

He is very independent but he appears to have now stopped listening to me entirely now, and does only what he wants, when and how he wants it done. Praise for good, calm reasoning, ignoring, anger seem to have no effect. He even refuses to look at me when I'm talking to him, even calmly, about things. He is being continually naughty, talking back and arguing about everything (his language is quite advanced). I cannot seem to reason ith him just now.

I have tried doing lovely toddler friendly activities with him which he would previously have loved but which now end in me embarrassed by his behaviour, having I speak to him about whatever he's done Wrong and general sadness all round.

I feel like I'm in a constant battle and I'm totally worn down and depressed now.

Where has my kind, loving boy gone?? I hate all this upset between us but just don't feel I can get him get away with what he's doing.

I need to get a grip and not take his behaviour so personally but I'm not sure how to...

I just feel very sad and am dreading facing more of the same tomorrow already.

:-(

You know what? This is what 2 year olds do. I am sure it is a phase, and it will pass. It is a challenging age. People talk about the terrible twos, but IME coming up to 3 is harder. He is testing and pushing boundaries.

Take a step back. Remember he is a baby - still very small. Don't over talk things. He isn't old enough to understand too much discussion about his behaviour. Keep it very simple.

He is growing. He needs plenty of food and plenty of sleep, at least 12 hours out of every 24. Tiredness will make everything worse, as will too much stimulation.

Plenty of walking and outdoor play, quiet one to one time reading stories and playing with duplo or doing puzzles and a regular routine will help a lot.

What are you having the battles about?

Meant to say, just because his language is advanced, don't assume his emotional development and understanding is advanced - that would be very rare and unusual. Do you think your expectations of his understanding and behaviour are too high?

If its just been in the last week, are you sure he isn't ill/ear infection/teething? They can turn into right devils when they're not feeling 100%. Or any other big changes, eg family moving away or whatever?

Oh are you me? I have a 2.6 DD.

The naughtiness, back chat, refusal to comply listen or in any way cooperate. I think I am going insane.

Telling her off and using naughty step is now failing.

I am very ashamed to admit it but I completely lost it this week with her.

I also have a DS of 6 months. He is teething and very unlike him has been wailing a lot. So after 3 days of the two of them wailing constantly and I do mean constantly with perhaps a 3 minute break between them. And both getting up during the night so perhaps 45mins of uninterrupted sleep I went mental and shouted at then both while we were in the car. I just couldn't stand it any more. It perhaps doesn't sound too bad but I was screaming SHUT UP at the top of my voice over and over again for about five mins. Had to pull over in a side street and get out of the car to calm down.

Sorry to rant but it's chiefly my 2.6 year old DDs behaviour which has brought me to my knees. She is rude, ungrateful, insolent and obstructive and any attempt at correcting her behaviour results in mega tantrums.

Up until a short while ago she was a very lovely loving well behaved girl and I could take her anywhere. Not now though.

I heard today from friend of friend that confiscating toys for bad behaviour works. I tried it tonight after she hurled her dinner on the floor because she couldn't have chocolate instead! And I confiscated her Lego. She didnt tantrum and actually got down and helped me wipe the floor. So perhaps this tactic is worth further exploration for us both.

Anyway just wanted to sympathise.

Yes - I agree lukewarm. Sometimes they behave like little horrors and you are at the end of your tether, then they come out in a rash or something and you realise they were feeling ill all the time.

The other thing I found was that mine suddenly stopped liking things they used to enjoy. For example DS1 suddenly developed an aversion to toddler group - I don't know why, but rather than argue about it, we just stopped going for a while. He just wanted to spend some one to one time with me instead.

3littlefrogs - absolutely, i did this with dd2, turns out she had rubella!

Failing illness, my checklist is:

ignore
distract
(cajole)
bribe
(plead)
threaten
enforce

It's the enforce bit that I struggle with - but as they hit a more independent phase it's necessary. Going to the step/room/no treat... whatever seems appropriate and immediate. It works. Much easier with the second dc, once you've had practice.

If all else fails, then bugger off to another room for a breather. Never let them see they've reduced you to tears, you lose weeks of hard won strategic ground! Seriously though - it's probably a phase, if not illness, and you'll adapt and find ways to deal with it until the next time. Have a .

Sorry was that a post I wrote earlier!!! OP this has been my weekend!!! Big hugs. Tomorrow is another day.

This post is making me smile and remember fondly how ds1 reduced me to tears in a car park at 2.4 YO. He's always been challenging ( we're too similar and clash a bit) but 2.4-2.8 was truly awful and ds2 was here which probably didn't help. Anyway 3 is so much better, 4 was delightful and now aged 5 he has reverted to 2 but with serious attitude since starting school. I have always persisted with naughty corner (used to be 5 times a day or more aged 2) and now the threat of it has him conforming immediately so I'm a fan of it.

Skandi1-your freak out in the car also made me smile. I have 4 now aged 5,3,22m and 13 weeks and I've had a few if these episodes - sadly I'm less eloquent and my rants have contained more f words but I figure if you say it fast enough they don't understand (except for the 5 yo)'

Its lovely when all is going well and your child is an angel but most children will start to assert themsleves and challenge or 'test' you at some point.
When it came to my children ignoring me or defying me on something important I would never reason with them or get into an argument either. I may have ignored some behaviours and I would often distract but I would never ever bribe or plead with my child to be good. At the end of the day - I was in charge and to feel safe, children need to know who IS in charge.

He's two. You're his mother. That's how a lot of us feel/felt. It gets better.

My 2.8 DS was doing this to me just before Christmas.
I went back to the "treat little boys like dogs" mantra - lots of food and lots of exercise. And coupled it with snuggle time on the sofa with books (or CBeebies!) if he wanted to. (and lots of chocolate for me!!!)
It will pass - he'll just find some other way to drive you demented

hi , just sending my sympathies! my 2 year old is fine some days, but other days (esp when I get home from work - and she has been perfect all day with our nanny) she wont do anything I ask. I try and ignore it as much as possible, but today that resulted in her running around for ages after the bath because I couldnt persuade her to get her nappy on and get dressed! she thought it was a hilarious game I think. I dont have any great words of wisdom except that they grow up so quickly, and they are really still babies. i sometimes find it helps to say 'you are finding things tough arent you?' as she tantrums, and try to remember how difficult and confusing it is to be 2. but it is infuriating!

Lollystix. Thank you . You have made me feel better / normal. But you have 4!!! How have you not gone insane?? Or is it that two is the hurdle and once you are beyond it, it doesn't matter how many you have??

It's hard work when it's wall to wall
whining.

Today has been another classic. DS has a tooth coming thru and is screaming on my lap and DD is refusing to get her dirty nappy changed and I will have to put a crying DS down to wrestle her and no doubt she will scream too. Joy.

Have you seen this article?
I am in exactly the same situation and it made me feel much better

www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/jan/19/are-obedient-children-a-good-thing?

Its interesting, Itsboywonder,.. However, its about balance really. Just because you teach your child 'obedience' doesn't mean you cannot also let them have a voice or value their view.
Surely its for the child's own good to know they must listen and 'obey' because in certain circumsatnces its about their safety. Other times its about respect for other people or routines etc.
My parents were really strict - I had to 'obey' them, however, at the same time they also spent time talking to me and teaching me how to question what I was told and not to be overly influenced by other people. Thee are extremes of being strict just as there are in being too casual with your approach