At wits end with 4yr old DD2

[sambageeni]

I have 3 DD, DD1 is 5, DD2 is 4 in 3 weeks time and DD3 is 18 months old. DD1 has always been a very easy child and DD3 seems to be similar. However, DD2 is a complete and utter nightmare!!!! I dread her getting up in the morning as the minute she gets up she starts demanding things or having a tantrum or attacking someone in the house. She has terrible speech problems and is seeing a speech therapist about this but she does appear to be quite bright. She is embarassing to take out as her behaviour is so unreasonable. I have tried so many different things to try and tackle her behaviour but nothing works. I find myself retaliating by joining in with her petty arguments ie 'well I don't like you either' etc etc. She makes my blood boil and she makes me see red. I can't stress enough that she is very difficult!!! However, at nursery she is good apparently. I love her so much but I feel like a terrible mother when I'm with her. Please help me!!!!

I feel your pain. Can you up her nursery hours?? She will grow out of it but in the meantime have 1 special day/morning together each week??

You need to change your approach to her behaviour, what happens if she crosses a boundary? What is the consequence?

Why is her speech bad? Has she got hearing problems?

My dd who is 5yo was prone to massive tantrums, she is sensitive and it doesn't take a lot to set her off! What tends to work is picking battle - not stressing about things that don't really matter, reward charts and being positive, clear consequences - over the summer she was so bad (threw an almighty wobberly at my brothers wedding so that I had to remove her and missed the speeches - grr!!) that I took most of her main toys away and told her she would not be getting them back until I saw an improvement - luckily it worked!!! Also some anger management techniques like breathing, thumping the floor, taking herself off somewhere by herself to calm down.

Maybe getting in contact with parentlink or something for advice might help.

Did you seriously say "I don't like you" to a 4 year old??

Don't worry about saying 'I don't like you'. It's the sort of thing you say when the end your tether has been reached. Don't beat yourself up about it.