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How did you help your children become more assertive?

3 replies

ohmygosh123 · 12/01/2012 13:45

We live abroad, but DD goes to an english "school" one morning a week, mostly because I wanted her to have contact with other english kids. At first she loved it. Now she keeps coming home sad and hungry (and grumpy because she is hungry), because at break-time this boy keeps asking her for part of her snack and insisting until she gives him the lion's share. Or saying if you don't, I won't be friends with you. Last term he (Boy 1) brought his own and took part of hers w/o sharing - it is happening every week. She thinks that if she gives him things, then he will like her. Also she gets on really well with another boy (boy 2) and they all play together. Boy 2 is keen to play with DD and tries to bridge the gap when Boy 1 is being a pain. (Boy 2 - swaps some of his for some of hers - and a fair amount).

Boy 1 can be a little sulky pest, unless his mother is around - who thinks he is the perfect little gentleman, ever so talented etc etc and keeps going on how boy 2 is a bad influence! Boy 2 can be a daredevil, but he has a really lovely gentle nature.

This week, Boy 1 had no snack, so pressured her. He is 6, she is 5. His mother has somehow got herself a job as a teaching assistant, so if he was hungry, surely he could go and ask his mother! I've told her to reply, if you are hungry, go and ask your mother. But will that make it worse? I've already told her that friends share when they both like what the other has got, and they share equally. If he won't do that, then he isn't behaving like a friend.

Its got worse now as she has been moved into the class above Boy 1 and Boy 2 and Boy 1's mother is the teaching assistant (she's on the committee so assume that is how she got the position because she isn't remotely qualified, but that is a different story). It seems like a bit of a non event, but DD gets low blood sugar quite easily, and doesn't cope well with feeling hungry. She was bullied a year ago, when she stood up for another child, and I want to help her become politely assertive again. I just don't know how.

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mrspepperpotty · 12/01/2012 13:53

I agree it's possible that your daughter does need to become a bit more assertive, but in this particular situation I would approach the staff if I were you. I wouldn't mention any names (at this stage), I would simply say that your DD told you that someone else ate her snack and please could they keep an eye on her at snack time.

GlueSticksEverywhere · 12/01/2012 14:01

I agree with mrspepper. Explain about the low blood sugar. If it's a medical issues as well as one which is upsetting her then they must do something about it.

I would keep on with the giving her ideas on what to say to him thing. I've often had to do that with my dc and it has really helped.

ohmygosh123 · 12/01/2012 16:47

Thanks for taking the time to reply.

I've been trying since October /November to ding it into her head. I've told her she can say what she wants to him (she was scared he would be nasty to her) - including "No, get lost", or whatever she needs to to make him leave her and her snack alone, and I will deal with his mother if he complains to her. The staff won't keep an eye on it because the children take their snacks outside and wander round the playground - also the staff outside is his mother!

I've just heard of another group that has just started which offers the same stuff for english speaking kids and am thinking of moving her there. I know some of the parents, and they live nearer to us. Maybe a fresh start is the best plan.

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