Non resident separated dad concerned for 2yo safety

[jc0202]

Hi all.

I am becoming increasingly concerned for the wellbeing of my child since separating from his mother a year ago.
Everytime i visit there's crap everywhere, sometimes literally (cat), scissors lying around, tools, my jaw drops when i see whats amongst the usual toys and whatnot.
She's made some poor decision about making sure he's safe lately (running ahead alone in the street-he's 2!-we live in London)and one significant misjudgment sometime ago where he ended up in plaster. When i challenged her about it she flew off on one and won't have me round again.
If this is what its like the odd occasion i'm there, whats it like when i'm not?!
I see my son all the time, he is well looked after, its not a child abuse case or anything. But his mother's seems to be making some terribly risky decisions and i can't help feeling there's accident waiting to happen (not for the first time).
I want to get something done, but personally can do nothing. She is unable to discuss anything, so talking is out the question. Don't want to involve Social Services, what can i do? Talk to her GP?
Please, any good advice gladly accepted

I'm a bit about blaming you ex for you're son needing a plaster, kids do have accidents and a toddler running a little ahead I would have thought was relatively normal, even in London.

Really what you need to think about is what are you real concerns (cat poo, tools, personally think the scissors is a bit lame but if it bothers you) and what is most likely to bring about a change in you DS living circumstances.

I really think the first thing you ought to do is raise it with the mother, either by letter email or text. I say raise, not discuss, I am concerned about..... Hopefully she sorts it at that point. Perhaps there is a mutual friend who can raise it for you it might go down better.

Then it depends on how bad it really is. Really bad, I can't see you can avoid to go don the custody and court route or the social worker route. If it's not that bad (I see you say your son is well looked after) I'm really not sure there is anything more you can do. Just be a stable influence for him and a good environment at your place.

Cannot you see you DS there???

LunarRose I think the OP is referring to a plaster cast, not just a sticking plaster!

I really feel for you, OP. It must be very hard to care deeply what happens to your son but not be able to exert much influence over his day-to-day care.

However, if you feel (as you say in your OP) that he is well looked after, I think you need to trust her when it comes to the details. I take that to mean that your ex loves your son and is doing the best she can, which really is the most important thing.

I can understand why she was angry when you challenged her about the recent accident. Try to put yourself in her shoes - if it was her fault, I bet she was already feeling guilty about it, and to have you criticising her on top of that must have been very annoying. After all, accidents happen, especially to active toddlers. If one of my DCs came to any harm under my care and my DH stepped in with a comment like 'I knew something like this would happen, it's your fault for doing xyz' then I would feel like punching him - and we have a great relationship!

If it's not a social services case I don't think there is much you can do.

Thankyou Lunar and Ms pepper for your comments, i've had this post going on Lone Parents too...werps!

I bottled up blame for the accident (fractured leg at 16 months- 2 months in cast - same ratio as me spending 5 years in one!) i tried, believe me, but it was so avoidable i was astonished and eventually it came out cos mum didn't stop the activity that led to the accident, even after i tried the gentle comments.

Accidents WILL happen but as parents it is our duty to ensure they do not, especially the MOST preventable.

Anyway, I've spoken to hv at length, you know what they said about children and traffic? A child cannot judge the speed of a vehicle until at least 10 years, a toddler of 2 doesn't even understand stop look listen, and motorcycles tear down his mothers road at 50mph! Its a genuine cause for concern when she allows him to run ahead 30 yards after dark.

I shall be approachin this as in mother needs help, although she is so confrontational and hugely resentful about the split, no matter what i say she launches an assault. This is common in our situation, but where do i go to get help?

I want DS to be safe and enjoy life as fully as circumstances can provide, i do not want him in danger just cos mum and dad can't get on.

Well miffed?!