Why do I feel rejected by my 14 month old???....

[Momo36]

OK this may seem like a silly question to some but as a first time mum I feel a bit at a loss here. I work 3 days a week and have a wonderful nanny to take care of 14 month DD for those days. Today, when I got home in the evening I wanted to get a hug from DD and she started crying and turned away... It took me completely by surprise and I did not know what to do with myself. Also, when my DP is at home I seem to disappear. He is such a favourite of DD and I love that they have a wonderful relationship but it sometimes makes me sad that he gets all the hugs and cuddles when the three of us are together... Usually this does not bother me too much but this evening I got quite sad about it.

Please tell me that this is normal and it does not mean that I am doing something wrong??....

Yup. Normal.

I remember this bit. Actually I'll be coming up for it soon again I'll bet. You know that they do love you, but it makes you cry when they start making independent decisions about when they want a cuddle.

You aren't doing anything wrong :)

I had this at a similar age. And then, a few months later I was mortified and secretly sad for my husband that our toddler only wanted me and would push him away. It's normal and a phase.

I think is really normal. I have a nanny - also wonderful - who looks after my 13 month DS 3 days a weeks. I work at home so I often hear them having a great time, and lots of times he is fairly dismissive of me when I come in. Once I had to go away for work for the night and when I got back the next day, he totally ignored me . I don't read anything into it - i tell myself it's good he feels like he has secure attachments to others -
Don't worry, it will pass

You are still the most important person to her emotionally, and your importance to her will always be there, even if she also has attachments to other people. It's healthy. And as she grows she will need you in all sorts of ways that you can't imagine yet. You're not doing anything wrong.

I think sometimes when you leave them (go to work, or for a night out or whatever) they kind of punish you for it. I remember babysitting my niece overnight around the same age whilst my sister had a night out, dn, then would not go to her Mum the next day, preferring to cuddle me.

Mine have done the same thing, when I have had to leave for various reasons, doesn't mean they aren't securely attached or don't love you.

All of mine have been clingy towards me, doesn't mean they don't love their Dad, but I am more tactile with them than him, does he do a lot of physical stuff, tickling/rough play? Children adore being chucked about and chased and tickled or whatever.

oh nooo I really hope that my 14 month old is not punishing me for going to work!... :(

Stop that train of thought right now! Punishing you!? Tsk.

The baby is not punishing you. He has his own agenda. He is getting more independent and starting to realise that you are not the whole world. I know that it feels like rejection, I was a bit put out when I dropped my 13MO at nursery and she didn't cling to me and cry, but went off to grab a bit of toast :)

It's not just babies that get separation anxiety

I think it's really healthy - weirdly enough. I do. I know exactly what you're experiencing, I have been through it, and continue to go through it, but my DS is his own person and it's great that he can separate from me and learn about the world with others. That means you're doing your job well, really. I really think this. Giving babies the security and safety to feel like they can have attachments to others apart from you - it produces healthy adults...

Guilt. It's everywhere you go once you become a mum...