I need some help please.
Background info: DD is the third child of four and has had some medical/developmental issues in the past. She had bilateral strabismus that came on suddenly when she was 3 and has been through 2 surgeries for it, and she has been in speech therapy since she was 2. She used to be extremely self-conscious about her speech to the point that she would avoid other children (this was when she was about 3) but she seems more confident now. I'm in Canada, she is in grade 1 (first year of 'real school') and is doing well, last year in Senior Kindergarten she really seemed to come out of herself and gain a lot of confidence. She has a reputation at school for being helpful and kind and gentle.
Sounds like your typical bully, right? :(
Last year there was one girl in particular that she was very friendly with so I was thrilled when they were put into the same class this year (and suspect that that wasn't coincidence on the part of the school). The school year started off great, they were inseparable. Around November last year there was one incident of my DD telling this other little girl that she didn't want to be her friend anymore and the other little girl got upset, and then it all seemed to blow over, they had playdates, they had a sleepover, it all seemed fine. I wrote it off as typical 6yo behaviour, and DD's older sister is quite the drama queen with the "I hate you"s and "I never want to see you again"s so I can see where she got that bit from.
DD didn't really mention her friend over Christmas break but then none of the other kids really mentioned their friends over Christmas break either.
This morning I received an email from the other little girl's mum saying that before Christmas there was another incident of "I don't want to be your friend" again and my DD refuses to talk to this little girl about why, apparently just walks away from her every time she attempts a conversation. The other little girl was quite anxious about going back to school after Christmas because of this and then the first day back at school was OK, but then on the second day DD was back with not wanting to be her friend and refusing to speak about it. Yesterday DD came home from school saying that her friend refused to eat anything healthy before eating junky food at lunch time, and then in the email the friend's mum says that my DD actually took the lunch away and refused to let the friend eat anything! OMG.
My take: I volunteer in their classroom once a week and it seems to me that the other little girl is quite needy and that my DD has taken on a kind of motherly role, she organizes the other girl's schoolwork for her, fetches her things, makes sure she has her hat and gloves on to go outside, so I think the 'eat something healthy before something junky' was likely an extension of that. I also suspect that DD might be getting tired of the neediness and that is where the 'I don't want to be your friend' comes from. None of which makes the way my DD is treating her right.
DD is quite self-contained, it's like pulling teeth to try and get any information out of her, especially if she thinks it's something she might get into trouble for.
I need to speak to her before school starts today. I have no idea what to say.
Thank you so much if you've read this far!