If one more person says to me...................................................

[Mandymoo]

"oohh your dd is very quiet isnt she?" I will literally chin em!

Why is it made to sound like a bad thing or am i just hormanal/paranoid/overly sensitive?

I feel like i have to justify the fact that she's a quiet girl when in actual fact its not a negative thing in any way. She is a good, well behaved, polite, affectionate, gorgeous little bunchkin who, yes, is quite in groups of other children and doesnt put herself forwards. But i cannot and will not force her to be anything other than she is.

She definitely isnt quiet at home and so, yes, she probably is a shy girl (not that we ever use that term infront of her). But she is our perfect little girl and I am gradually getting more and more narked at people's reactions to her.

One mum at pre-school last week commented "oh yes, yours is quite quiet isnt she?" HOW THE HELL DOES SHE KNOW WHAT SHE'S LIKE!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, rant over for now while i go and grab a chocolate bar!!!!

I don?t think being ?shy? is really a problem, just as long as the child is able to speak out for him/herself, and it doesn?t affect his/her ability to make friends. My friend has a little boy who doesn?t hardly speak at all (same child I mentioned in previous post who has a stammer), and yet she says he is an incredibly sociable child, yet my DS tells me this child doesn?t speak to anyone at nursery and plays mostly on his own. I did take this with a slight pinch of salt as we can?t always be 100% sure of what our 3-year-olds are telling us, but today when I dropped off DS this child was there with his dad, and my DS said hello to him 3 times and the child didn?t even respond. I do think being shy with adults is something that most kids go through at some stage, but I think that if a child is so shy that they are unable to socialize with children their own age then it can make it harder for them to make friends, and this can be harmful to their self confidence.

Wannabe - I agree with what you say. DD is sociable with other children - within small groups i have to say - but not so with adults all the time. However, I dont think it helps to label children as "shy" as this just pigeonholes them and a lot of children live up to the title.

Mandymoo maybe they mean it as a compliment. Wish mine were described as quiet. I think quietness is often a sign of calmness and wiseness and am quite envious of parents of quiet children .Although as you said most children are not quiet in their own houses.

Collette - they said it with their faces screwed up, their heads tilted and a patronising tone to their voice so no i dont really think they say it as a compliment!

Even one of the staff at dd's preschool, when i asked her how dd was settling in - screwed up her face and said "well, she is quiet isnt she?"

What do they want loads of hyper kids. Yes it would annoy me as well - still envious though I was described as quiet and shy as a child as well

I've picked up loads of useful advice on this thread today in terms of how to handle this and how not to let it affect dd. Thanks so much for taking the time to post - it really has been a help to me! X

Just to buck the trend here I always think of a nice natured sweet child when the word shy is used .