How much fussiness about food before it's a worry?

[Listzilla]

I suspect this may be a long one - apologies in advance!

DD was a bit refluxy from birth. We gave her Gaviscon and it helped a lot. We started her on solids at 6 months and she was grand, ate pretty much anything (except courgette!). We moved through plain purees of fruit and veg, mixed purees, proper meals like stews and things, pasta, rice or cous cous dishes, and the only thing she was fussy about was meat - she was about 8 months before she could eat a puree with meat in it without gagging. We were happy enough with all that. She enjoyed finger food as well; toast and garlic and herb Boursin was a favourite . The only issue was a total refusal to eat fruit with her hands - she just wouldn't touch it.

At 18 months, the creche say that she'll eat anything for them, even fruit. But with us, or with my parents, she's a nightmare. At the moment most days she'll have Cheerios or Rice Krispies for breakfast, with or without milk, and sometimes buttered toast. Aside from that, it's pretty much crackers, toast, rice cakes or occasionally fish fingers that go in; she'll occasionally tuck into a proper meal of meat and veg or whatever with gusto but 19 times out of 20 she'll refuse it and burst into tears. We waste masses of food trying things that she just won't touch. She won't even let the spoon near her mouth, so it's not as if she's refusing things she doesn't like - she won't even try them. She still won't touch fruit, and because she won't eat off a spoon either, she only gets fruit in creche, 3 days a week.

The level of fussiness is just mind boggling. She likes grated cheese, for instance (as long as it looks like red cheddar), but she won't eat sliced cheese or any other shape or colour, and she won't eat soft cheese on toast any more. She used to love yoghurts and would happily spoon one into her mouth herself, but now she'll almost always refuse them (almost! So we feel we have to keep opening them to try, just in case!). And seriously, what's with the crying at the sight of food on her highchair tray? Is that really normal?

Sorry, I'm sure this is desperately incoherent but I'm exhausted and can't think straight. I just don't know what level of fussiness is normal and what we should be concerned about?

I think you've answered this for yourself.... there is nothing to worry about her, because she eats everything at creche, its you and your folks that you need to worry about
Does she eat with you and do you ignore the behaviour and just chat about your day etc? Do you leave her to get on with it? Do you watch like an anxious hawk for signs of food refusal? Do you bombard her with a million choices and new things? I ask because I have done all that and more!!
When you stop worrying (hard because you had to worry about her when she was a wee tot) she will stop refusing, carry on worrying and it will get worse.
Easy to say hard to do, I know ( honestly I do, that's why I'm being a bit direct) and I don't want to sound unsymapathetic but get help from your HV if you can't stop worrying, as it will get worse if you don't....... but your wee one is clearly fine and normal but you want to get a grip of this before it becomes abnormal.
Try watching some old episodes of House of Tiny Tearaways with Tanya Byron, she was really good at stopping parents getting in a state about eating.

I really sympathise. It's not 'normal' but I think it's fairly common and not definitely not your fault! My DD (14mo) is very difficult as well, though TBH she was difficult from the first spoonful of carrot puree and consistently with all people, so that's a bit different I suppose . She does much of what your describe and the disheartening dumping of barely touched stuff does get you down I know. She has also been known to cry bitterly at the arrival of vegetable puree without ever having tried it. She does love yoghurts - if that stopped I'd lose it I think. We also have a difference between creche and home, but to be honest, I don't think it's much better there, I think they just force it a bit more than we do, because we don't want food to be a battleground at home and tey just want her to eat it.

Anyway, I think jeannie 's advice is good and it's what I try to do myself. It is hard to relax about it though, I know.

On fruit: when I was home over Christmas, my DF bought these little 'pouches' of fruit puree for my DD. They look like little capri-suns, with a little plastic tube at the top that the baby can suck. She loved them! Cuold hold and manage them herself, despite it being a bit messy at the start. Would easily pack away one in a few minutes and they were pure fruit puree, no sugar or additives or anything. I just wish I could get them here (not in UK) but I haven't seen them. Worth a try perhaps if you haven't already?

Wow - you post could seriously have been written by me about 2/3 months ago (and in fact I think I did write a couple of very similar posts!). DS was a fantastic eater from the day he was weaned, and never fussed about lumps, would eat what we ate and liked a variety of different foods. I was all pleased because I have two nephews who are the worst eaters ever!

Anyway, everything changed in about September time when he hit 18 months. All of a sudden he'd refuse to even try his lunch, wouldn't eat scrambled egg (previously his favourite), wouldn't eat cheerios, wouldn't eat anything that we were eating and literally would not try anything that we offered him. With us he lived off weetabix, bread and yogurt! Like your DD, he's in creche (5 days a week) and there his eating carried on perfectly - they still said he was the best eater in the creche and fed himself with the spoon, had seconds, etc.

We got stressed and tried making him eat, which just made him stressed. We tried shouting at him, encouraging him, bribing him - nothing worked and it was infrutiating and very upsetting. Then in about mid-November we decided to stop getting stressed and to start all sitting down to eat together. Previously DS would eat hot lunch at lunchtime (as he does in creche) and then have a light dinner at around 5.30pm (like scrambled egg etc). On the days we were at home with him, we started eating lunch together and dinner together.

The first few times, it was quite hit and miss - he would eat a little then give up, or still refuse to eat. He got his pudding as long as he tried at least a small bit of his main food (which my mum thought was asking for trouble!). We ploughed on regardless and now DS is 22 months and is finally back to eating well! I think after a few weeks he got the idea, and will now try pretty much anything we put in front of him. I'm not saying the food woes are completely gone, but he's enormously better! He's even back to eating some of his old favourites like pasta (that he hasn't touched in months) and has stopped picking the fillings out of sandwiches, etc.

I think for DS the key has been making eating into a social thing. We all eat together when we're together all day (in the week he still gets a light dinner, as we work full time and it would be impossible to get dinner ready by 6pm), and he really enjoys eating the same as Mummy and Daddy. He sits up at the table with us, feeds himself and I try to ignore any food being thrown on the floor, etc. We praise him when he finishes his dinner but otherwise don't draw attention to his eating at all.

So, my advice, is try to stay calm and not stress about it. I know it's easier said than done when your perfect eater has become a nightmare, but they really pick up on stress and like seeing a "reaction" for their behaviour. Personally, I wouldn't change what you're feeding your DD - we didn't want to end up in a situation where DS felt he could get away with not eating certain things, or where everyone ate something different. For us, at the lowest point there was hardly anything that we could serve DS that he would reliably eat anyway, so it seemed pointless to change our habits. Finally, I'd look at your eating arrangements. If your DD is eating well in creche, it could be because she's used to eating at a small table, or with others, or feeding herself, and maybe you're trying to do something too different at home. For us, getting DS a booster (instead of his high chair) helped, and certainly all sitting down together whenever possible.

Good luck - it will pass I promise

(sorry for the epic post by the way!)