Obsessed with being thin

[crazygracieuk]

Dd is 8 years 8 months and has developed a sudden obsession with being thin.

She is tall for her age and wears school trousers with a waist age 6-7 and fully tightened with waist adjusters (ie. very slim)

I am 5 foot 8 and size 10/12. I don't really diet- I'm very active and try to eat a balanced diet.

Dh is 6 foot and medium build. He exercises when he gets in from work.

Her older and younger brothers are short and slim.

Her friends are various shapes and sizes and dd insists that she is not being influenced by them.

Since she has returned to school last week she comes home grilling me about food and thinness . I'm very worried as some of her statements are very unhealthy. For example, she thinks that her teacher Mrs T (very slim size 6/8 at a guess) is not as pretty as Mrs B (much tinier so a size 4??) because she's not as slim and that when she's an adult she doesn't want to be as big as Mrs T.

Now I'm feeling paranoid about her food intake. She goes to breakfast club and has a packed lunch- I have no idea how much she eats. She's a fussy eater at home and eats some dinner and would eat a sugary Pud if offered.

What should I do or say? Is it a phase?

Dont come down too hard or too quickly as it makes it into a massive issue which she may react badly too. When she acts you about thinness be honest and scientific. Yes do say things like 'you shouldnt worry at your age' and 'your personality is much more important' but also discuss it rationally and engage with her interest in it.

With yours and your partner's genes she may be average height or she may be fairly tall when she is older.(obviously I dont know what else you have in your family, or even if she is naturally yours so apologies for assuming!) I think at 8 she should be able to just about understand BMI. 2 variables on a chart is a bit advanced for Year 4 (?) but she should be able to follow that for someone of x height x is healthy and x isnt. The point is to emphasise that there is such a thing as being too thin, whether you look it or not. Show her where your weight is. Its possible, with your description, that you could be heavier (Im not saying you're underweight but that I think you're prob not at the high end of your BMI chart) so show that actually you could be fatter (or Mrs T or whoever) and still be healthy.

Explain that its fine to want to be thin (Your personality matters more will only go so far once they get to this age. Get on her level and show that you understand a wish to be pretty) but that health is far more important and weight is only a number.

Try to see it as a desire to 'not be fat' - when she says sensible things 'i dont want chocolate because its unhealthy' then go with that because it is! Make a clear distinction between appropriate and inappropriate - it would be inappropriate for an 8 year old to calorie count or not eat their lunch but its fine for her to exercise (with your supervision) and eat healthily.

With your other concerns - ask school. Ask someone at breakfast club if she eats and her teacher if she eats her lunch. Her teacher probably wont know but she/he should ask around the dinner staff and start looking out for any problems. It will also make her teacher aware that this issue has come up and she will start to look out for any issues.

If she isnt eating the school can do something about it and they should definitely inform you. Many schools dont let children throw food away for this exact reason - so parents can see what is left over.

Hope this helps

My DS is 7 and also has a similar issue about being thin and talks about it all the time (he is also very thin - bottom of the normal range for his weight)

Our approach has been to say that at his age he can eat what he likes (obviously in moderation on the sweet side) and because he is very fit and active he needs to eat enough to stay fit and strong. His main problem is that he is just not interested in food - school monitor their lunches which is good.

I think it would definitely be a good idea to raise with the school as PP said especially if they are doing a lot around healthy eating at the moment. My DS started with this in year 5 after they did a healthy eating topic and I think they must have done some scare stories

We also 'challenge' any statements DS makes about other peoples weight as he does notice which of his friends are bigger than him and makes comments about it. However, we do try not to make weight a big deal in the family.