10 year old can't/won't sleep!!

[CheekyGirl]

Hi,

I would welcome any advice! I have a 10 year old dd who has always struggled to get to sleep, falling asleep far later than I think she should. I want to add that she is no problem, does not disturb us or refuse to go to bed etc. she just doesn't sleep!

I've just heard her go to the toilet now (for the umpteenth time) and it's almost 11pm! This is late, even for her.

She is in bed by 8pm after quiet bath and watching TV. I then read to her in bed and she reads to herself. It's lights out 8:45pm/9pm. She is very, very rarely asleep much before 10pm these days. She often gets out of bed to go to the loo, change her PJs etc which I do try and discourage. There doesn't appear to be anything worrying her; as I said, this is a longstanding problem.

I usually have to wake her in the mornings. This leads me to think she doesn't get enough sleep. She is bright, clever and active during the day, although she does sometimes complain of being tired, and yawns a fair amount.

I just don't know what to do. I don't like to make a Big Deal out of it, as I don't want her to focus on it and get even more tense about not being able to sleep.

She also usually wakes and uses the loo once per night, too.

My daughter has similar problems too. she turned 13 yesterday. We let her have story cds on at bedtime,very quietly and that helps her drop off. We all have different sleep patterns. Ds, on the other hand can easily get to sleep in the evening, but is a bggr to wake up in the mornings, while DD who has slept less wakes up first. And we live in a very quiet road, no traffic noise at all. Dd is very active and does netball and dancing, scouts, so has every reason to be tired out at the end of the day. It's an engma.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delayed_sleep_phase_syndrome

We went to a sleep clinic workshop a couple of months back with DS2. Completely different situation, but the absolutely amazing woman who held the workshop did a lecture on delayed sleep phase syndrome. Where are you? I can look out her details for you?
She also said to restrict access to any screens, laptop, tv etc for an hour before bedtime.

My DS2 is just 10 and has the same problem, it is so frustrating. We do all we can to have a peaceful bedtime knowing that he is exhausted and still he will be awake two or three hours later! He hates that he is awake and so gets more distressed and angry with himself - which then means that he is even less likely to fall asleep. My Dsis is a chronic insomniac and says that she has been for as long as she can remember so I wonder if it is just a genetic thing?

The only thing we have noticed which does help a little is that the later DS2 goes to bed the more likely it is that there will be problems. His usual lights out time is 8.30, but if I let him stay up a little later at the weekend he is fretting about not being able to sleep straight away. Within minutes of being settled down he will be calling out that it is past nine o'clock and he is not asleep! This means that we have to stick to a really strick bedtime and I feel that he is missing out on the treat late nights ( and we don't dare try sleepovers :( ).

I have tried health visitors and GP for advice, but they didn't really have anything useful. perhaps the sleep clinic should be our next step?

Glad to know I'm not the only one!!

That's interesting about not making bedtime too late. We have lights out about ten to nine, but I worry that's too early for her. I hate the thought of her just lying awake for ages. I'd not thought about trying earlier. To be honest, we have only recently moved her bedtime from 8:30pm.

my ds1 is the same! never found a solution tbh, he is now 12. i find it hard to sleep myself sometimes so i understand how he feels.

we let him read in bed, but not till too late and he just seems to get on with it tbh, occasionally he will come back donwstairs upset that he cant sleep, but that hasnt happened for ages.

have you tried the warm milky drink etc

DD is 10.8 and a bugger when it comes to bedtime.
She develops a tummy ache every night virtually and comes downstairs to report it. I got so fed up with it that I offered her some Gaviscon before she went to bed last week. She declined.
She doesn't have any lights at all or she'd read all night. She has a plug in bedside light that I unplug and remove at 8.30.
She needs to be up at 7.15 so I don't think I am expecting too much from her. She will stay in bed at the weekends, as late as 11.30 sometimes.