Top advice for having 2nd, ie the early days?

[tootiredforxyz]

Seen lots of advice on here for weaning/tantrums/potty training etc, but can't find one for how on earth to manage when number 2 comes along? Juggling demanding 3 yo and a newborn looks... blo*dy difficult. The mind boggles frankly.

So far I have got a cleaner, some reigns, & DS loves TV so sure that will help. What else?! I'm particularly worried about getting out of the house, feeding everyone (plan on BFing), & how to put them both to bed alone before collapse point? (when do you put a newborn down for sleep in the evening? Cause by my reckoning it was about 10pm with DS1..... and that just seems like life would be impossible if the DC2 were up that late and presumably feeding all blemmin night?

Pls tell me your top tips, because frankly I'm starting to sweat and DC2 is due in March!

Don't worry. You will soon realise you are superwoman and can cope fine on very little sleep. Is your 3yo in nursery yet? If so I would try to get a rest during that time.
Don't panic about housework (though lucky you with the xleanwr). You will need to learn to not care about the state of your house and don't feel pressure to be on top of everything it won't help. Take as much help as you can ie when people fuss let them.
Your dc may well be upset by the new arrival as the focus will shift from them so make sure that everyone who visits the new baby makes as much fuss of dc1 as well so they don't feel left out. As for feeding two at once it is possible- I managed and my ds was 13 months when dd was born.
Btw my two are now 4 and 3 and are able to do simple tasks around the house such as putting dirty clothes in the machine when they are taken off and scraping their dishes and putting them in the dishwasher (supervised) and putting things in the bin such as nappies when they still uses them.
Oh yes if dc1 is not toilet trained now is not the time. A few months won't hurt and will make it all the easier when you do. Hth

My best advice would be : Start as you mean to go on. That is - try to stick to any routines that you have in place for your toddler. It is amazing how quickly a newborn can adapt to a routine. I was a Tumble tots within days of giving birth. I found it easier getting out of house second/third/forth time around as I already knew what I need to take with me.

When you are about to feed baby have every thing you need for your toddler prepared or done, ie potty, drinks, biscuit, books, tv.

Include toddler in the care for baby. They like helping.

You will adapt quickly. Also: Never turn down the offer of help.

I always leave toddler watching favourite program at 6.15 whilst I dip baby in bath and put to bed. then about 6.30 I then do same for toddler in same bath. It sounds terrible but my DD2 is so good at going to bed as she has sometimes had to cry for a couple of minutes as I am dealing with DD1.
You will find a way to do it. Just think of all those things you learnt from first time round. I certainly tried not to make a few of the mistakes I felt I made first time round

I would say give yourself 2 weeks to get to grips with newborn but then get back to toddler groups and old routine with baby in tow. You can go before then if you want, but really you need to recover from the birth and bond with baby so you might want to have some time at home to do this. I got my DH to take toddler to groups during the first week and then I can't remember if I or my Mum took him/both of them during second but pp is right that newborns will just fit into routine- fit the baby round the toddler rather than the other way round- the baby doesn't know any different.

Re the sleep, I BF and decided not to bother with trying to get baby in bed at toddler bed time until she was 10-12 weeks- she just stayed down with us and then as you say went to bed normally when I did at 9.30/10/11. When she was 10-12 weeks old I was determined to get her down at 7.30, or at least give it a good go and it took about 3/4 days before she always went down like a dream- that was a real plus. I actually managed to go out in the evening sometimes then (swimming mostly!) and as long as I was back by 10/11 for the next BF it was fine .

Other than that get regular help from grandparents etc- taking the toddler out once a week/as much as they can manage is a real help, I found the baby bjorn really useful second time round whereas didn't use it much first time and also reckon that if your toddler doesn't nap you need a quiet time every day for an hour or half or so when you can lie on the sofa and they play quietly/watch DVD so you can at least rest if not sleep to catch up on sleepless nights.

Enjoy!!! The first year is hard work with two, but then it's great fun (mostly!)

Agree with birdsofshore about plastic tat

Before DD2 was born, I made DD1 a "busy box". It was basically a box with a lid, containing things that she could help herself to while I was feeding DD2. I put new (very cheap!) things in there every so often to surprise her. Also snacks and cartons of juice.

She's nine now and the one thing she remembers from when her sister was a baby was that she was allowed to drink juice from cartons! It obviously made her feel special and it definitely made life easier for me.

CBeebies is also good, but you know that

And don't panic. Your baby will fit around your toddler far more easily than you can imagine ... because they have to.

Some great ideas thank you. Love the getting everything for toddler ready before a feed... How to you bath them together - or did you just to alternate nights?!

Dd now 13 weeks and just coming out of newborn fog. Coping with early days...focus on needs of toddler and their emotional wellbeing. I underestimated the impact of dd's arrival in ds. Do lots of nice things for toddler and try and spend a little time with them if you can away from baby. Even a walk round the block will help. Playgroups with friends with dcs of similar ages also a lifesaver - friends can help watch either dc if one needs feeding, changing, etc.

Being organised helps too. Getting the snack bag, nappies etc, ready the night before so you can make going out smoother is useful.

Special treats to give toddler to keep them sitting in chair if you need to feed whilst out.

Having no expectations of a baby free evening for at least the first three months! Dd stayed downstairs with us in the evenings until recently. We have only just started a bath time bedtime routine with the two together in the last two weeks.

Don't be proud. Take all offers of help. Instead of childcare, ask them to bring round homemade meals for you to freeze, or some shopping!

Re bath time... Lucky that ds loves having the baby in with him. Invested in an el cheapo bath seat - a fiver from Tesco was the one we got. Have a change mat, warm towels, nappy and sleep suit ready in bathroom so you can get baby ready whilst toddler splashes around. Good luck!

Great advice already, dont panic you will very quickly adjust and will look back at what a doddle having one is!. Take every bit of rest you can and every bit of help you are offered - a happy mummy is essential to the runnings of your house!. I didnt push any bedtime routine with my second and he was going down by 7 at about 3 months or before. I used to BF him whilst reading DDs bedtime story and then pop him into bed until he woke for his next feed. Keep everything handy as it is so tiring running up and down the stairs all the time!. Also is your first potty trained? if not you might want to get this out of the way before your next arrives. Good Luck! I love having two it really makes you a wee family - im thinking of number 3 so it cant be that bad!!!.

Also arrange a few trips out just you and DS - it really helps ease your guilts and they love being pampered and just having mummy to themselves.

early days i would bath dd2 downstairs in baby bath with dd1 helping at about 6 and feed her. then take her in bathroom in moses basket while i bathed dd1, then take her in bedroom while i settled dd1 to sleep with stories, then took dd2 downstairs till 11.
once she was in a cot i bath them together then get dd2 into pjs in bathroom then get dd1 out, quick stories and leave her to nod off, take dd2 down for last feed and sneak her up to bed about 8.
they share a room and both sleep better for it.
first 3 months were hard but now its great, dd1 is 4 dd2 is 13 months.

This all makes it sound more do-able! Though not looking forward to putting them both to bed at night!

I guess there's a balance to be had between taking the toddler out for a walk / lunch and not getting them too used to having you to themselves again! Like everyone else - I just want to try to minimise the obviously big effect the baby will have on the toddler...

And for the baby to toddler present - no one mentioned that but I must get something... Something very occupying... There must be an item he didn't get at Xmas!

DS1 was nearly 2 when DD arrived. Re bedtime, I agree with people who say that your newborn will fit in with the existing routine. I bathed mine at the same time - toddler in the bath, baby in a baby bath until DD was able to sit up, then she went in the big bath with DS1. Then I would breastfeed DD while reading DS1 his bedtime story, all sitting snuggled up together. Then bed for both of them at the same time. This was different compared to when DS1 was a baby and stayed downstairs with us in the evenings. It did sometimes involve me running between two cots while everyone cried, but honestly only for a few nights before things settled down! (DH rarely home from work in time to help.) I also breastfed DD at the table while DS1 was having his meals.

If you are breastfeeding the baby, your toddler may well ask if he can have a suck, so be prepared for this request!

Agree with people who say you need to put your DS before the baby in some ways. Is your DH around for the first week or so to look after DS while you are recovering from the birth and establishing breastfeeding? After that, if someone offers to look after one of them, give them the baby and have some time with DS. Honestly, the baby won't notice but DS will! I found music and gym classes great - baby enjoys watching from the car seat while you and DS take part.

yes i did wrapped presents for both dc in hospital bag, dd1 was proud to give dd2 her first teddy and dd1 was very happy with her nightee off dd2 and still wears it now despite the fact it is too small. i was going to get something to keep each but dd1 wanted a lola nightee.
craft like toys are a no no as they need too much help and its hard with baby in tow so buy something toddler can do alone.
dd2 also has never napped as she has to go out on school runs twice a day and gets disturbed a lot so dont rely on baby napping for hours at a time as its never happened here.
walks are good as baby is relaxed and i get to talk to dd1 more.

This tip you have to start NOW!! Train your DC1 to play by themselves in the morning, so when they come into your bedroom at 7am or whenever, you can take them to the living room with their breakfast, put the tv on and leave them for an hour or so to eat/play/watch cbeebies, and you get an extra hour in bed with DC2.

My other tip would be to start going to pregnancy groups, antenatal classes etc again, so DC2 will have babies their own age to play with.

gradually wean your ds off being lifted (eg into the car seat) and carried
get a small box of new exciting toys/books to bring out when you are bfing
get a really good sling (i liked the kari-me) and a baby swing
talk to ds about sharing mummy with the new baby at bedtime. dd2 was a screamer, so at bedtime i put dd1 to bed whilst carrying the baby throughout. you sort of learn how to do everything one-handed for a bit.

Focus on the first child. Let the baby cry for one more millisecond, whilst you sort snack, tv for child1, before settling down to say bf baby. Baby won't remember/be psychologically damaged. But 1st child will. And then jealousy and resentment comes, whilst 1st child remembers how much better things were before 'that baby arrived'. Pre-empt that.
Try and carry on , roughly as normal with child1. If you did bath and bed at 7, continue. Often best to try to put baby to bed first, to ease resentment. then child1 feels older, 'I go to bed later thna baby, I get mummy's attention)
If child1 wants to be bathed with baby, then do so. If they would prefer it to still be 'their' bath time, then baby can be bathed anytime, and actually doesn't need a much washing as a toddler.

get a few things in the freezer. I made a bag of chilli, a lasagne and a chicken currey, all ready in the freezer. That helped. I had someone come and do a spot of cleaning and ironing in the first few weeks. that helped alot.

Show DC1 where the nappies/wipes etc are stored and encourage him/her to bring these to you each time they need a nappy change (saves you doing it, and they can also do this for baby once it's born, makes them feel involved). Getting DC1 toilet-trained before the birth is a good idea if you have the energy for it.

I bought DD1 a dolly with a bath and dolly nappy etc, so when I was dressing DD2, DD1 dressed her dolly. She loved this.

I bathed both together, just filled the tub, DD1 sat, and DD2 had a quick dunk.

I used to BF DD2 on the sofa, with one arm around DD1 at the same time (and CBeebies on the telly, or book in her lap), so DD1 thought of it as her special time too although it didn't stop her trying to kill DD2.

Woke up before them at 6.30am each day (ugh), got myself showered and dressed, then got DD2 up at 7am, BF, dressed etc, and then DD1 up around 7.30/8am, and could pretty much ignore DD2 whilst helping DD1 get ready.

This meant we were usually out of the house by 9ish so I could get to playgroups, to see friends etc. I tried to get DD1 out everyday or we'd all go nuts indoors.

I remember staying awake at night panicking about how I would manage, but, wierdly, I found it easier with 2. They occupy each other, and keep you entertained. My DDs are now aged 2.5 and 4, they love each other and play together lots. DC3 is due in the summer.

You'll be fine :)

Things I remember...

BFeeding DD at the table while DS (2.5) had his dinner.

Having a Moses basket/carrycot that went in every room.

Bathing them together in the big bath from when DD was 2 weeks, I just put DD in a white plastic bath seat ( Mothercare). They both loved it.

DS had his own doll, which he bathed, put nappies on and BFed! (I have the photo ready for his 18th/wedding...) he wanted to help with everything.

DD 'gave' DS his scooter.

I was down the park with DD in the buggy 4 hours after leaving Hospital when DD was 1 day old. DS wanted to scoot! It's amazing how different you feel second time around, no 2 is not yr PFB and you will be much more chilled out than you think.

Get yr DS happy to sit NEXT to you rather than on yr knee before its obvious he's been booted off for a baby, for things like reading books etc for while you are BFeeding.

It will happen that they will both scream blue murder for mummy at the same time. You will manage. The baby will survive if left 'a bit' longer, yr DS will cope (if badly)when you have to say 'I'm sorry, I have to do x with DC2.' Be resolute! They are starting the lifelong task of sharing you! And the baby will never know different, so err towards PFB at the start but steadily work towards where you need him to be. He will get there.

It's worth it. DS (4) and DD (2) now play for hours, and I can MN!

Hey thanks so much for all the excellent suggestions! I will go through each post and take notes! Hopefully this thread will be hepful for other people too.

I also bought the Gina Ford toddler & baby book - but most of it seems very prescriptive routine-wise. How anyone could remember all that and stick to it is beyond me! She could have done with some of your suggestions...!