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how to manage adults who whip my well up for a laugh dd into an uncontrolable frenzy because they think its a laugh?

2 replies

festi · 09/01/2012 11:30

My dd is 5 generally very well behaved, funny sweet and very inteligant so knows the bounderies etc generally. but she is quite loud, up for a laugh and as all 5 year olds does not often know when to stop untill I tell her, warn her, enough is enough.

The problem is she revels in the attention, not in a spoilt way but will do anything if it gets a laugh, even when she really is not that funny. People love this side of her and she often becomes fair game for familair adults taunts and general messing around, In particular my brother and sis inlaw. who will do this with all the children, nephews and neices, but most of the other children know when they have had enough, but dd is like a dog with a bone and will, keep the joke, cheek and mucking around going and give as good as she gets.

However I dont like this behaviour too this extent. mostly harmless stuff, rasperry blowing, tongue poking out etc, but she will also hit and kick playing. my bd gets very physical with the horse playing etc and will inevitably kick my db hard or give him a good wack in face I think dd gets too cheecky and agressive for my liking.

There is also a another friend who I know from school myself, we are not particularly close but chat etc, she adores dd and has a similar thing going with her as my db, but obviuosly not as physical, but dd will often be reduced a giggling uncontrolable reck going into school and I like her going in calm.

I tend to manage this with my direction directed at dd, thats enough, come and sit with me etc etc, just to keep on top of it. But I have noticed that they do not stop at this and keep it going untill dd gets to hard in hitting, says something that really is not acceptable. and i then have to tell her off, then they are all oh thats my fault not tell her off etc etc. It really gets on my nerves, as if they stopped when I say enough is enough it would get to that.

I accompanied a school trip the other day and the friend was on on it aswell, whilst walking with the kids in pairs she getts my dd laughing singing and shouty when they really should be walking calmly in pairs. In the end did actually say right both of you that is enough if dd does not stop she will be walking with the teacher and seems a bit unfair to me. If you both stop there will be no need for that so please enough now. The other mum was a bit taken a back and did appologise and stop. Hoever this moring the same scenario played out agin in the play ground before school.

Im at a loss as how to prevent this occuring all the time, obviously the odd occassion is fair game but It is at the point now that dd does not know who and when it is appropriate to play around with like this and she does not know when to stop. Im forever sending her to her room for hitting me out the blue, but saying Im only joking and also being very cheekiy when being told off and attempting to turn it into similar banter.

her general mood is often now so high spirited and loud shouting and screaming at every given oppertunity.

ranty post I know sorry Grin

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
DeWe · 09/01/2012 13:53

With regard your friend, I'd say something along the lines of "Dd thinks it's great fun when you play with her, but I've (or the teacher if you think that'll have more clout) noticed it takes her some time to calm down. Do you mind not doing it before school? I just don't want her getting a reputation of being silly at school."

Db might be more difficult, but I'd try asking if she does anything physical like htting or kicking, he immediately stands up (even if he thinks it's done in fun) and says he's not playing now.

spenditwisely · 09/01/2012 14:02

Whatever you do don't blame your daughter, don't even tell her off. It's the adults around her that need telling off. Tell them to back off, in no uncertain terms, as you have done. It's unacceptable behaviour from an adult.

You have to assert yourself amongst your friends as well as your children. A friend of mine told me to 'back off' once when I was getting too involved with her daughter's issues. It was fine, point was taken, she was right. If she's a friend she'll accept the criticism. Same goes for DB.

You've done the right thing by telling her off and I think you may need to be more of it. It's v. important for dd to see you as an authority to her amongst your peers.

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